We’re so bored of our own text messages. The only people who text us regularly are our mothers. Hi mom! We love you, but blergh. We wonder what kind of sexy text messages celeb couples are exchanging … hmmm. They must me more titillating than ours. Or at least more entertaining.
After Scarlett Johansson debuted her new tattoo, Amelia and I both didn’t get it. We had an in-depth conversation about it, where we came to the realization that the reasons we didn’t like it were: A) it was exactly the kind of tattoo we expected Scarjo to get (the same way we expected her to release a Tom Waits cover album) and B) something about it seemed like she was trying too hard to demonstrate her street cred (the same way her Tom Waits cover album did).
We say this as two tattooed women who both have Chinese character tattoos we’re embarrassed of. I have two other tattoos, which I love because they have deep meaning to me. Maybe “Lucky You” has deep meaning to Scarjo, who knows? That’s not important. What’s important is this: Scarjo and her “Lucky You” tattoo inspired a much longer reverie about other celebrity tattoos we are expecting to see any day now. When they come true, just remember, we called it first.
Kim Kardashian showed up to the Midori Green party in NYC on Saturday night (with Kanye West in tow, natch), decked out in a beguiling costume. Care to take a guess as to what her costume was?
A) Christina Aguilera
B) Donatella Versace
C) A sea witch
D) All of the above
E) None of the above
Click through to find out!
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I know she’s beautiful and rich, but there is seriously not a day that goes by where I don’t wake up extremely grateful not to be Kim Kardashian. This woman spends the vast majority of her time parading around in outfits that quite literally make my body hurt just looking at them. So tight! Can she breathe?! Heels so high! How do her feet stand it day in, day out?! I can barely take the pain of my skinny jeans fresh out of the dryer. I go barefoot at the office, that’s how much I hate shoes. The second I get home, I put on pajamas. How does Kim stand dressing up in such complicated getups every single day? I feel like sometimes they’re so tight, she must vacuum pack her internal organs. Who is she doing this for? Not me! Seriously, Kim, take a day off. Don some baggy jeans, a T, and a pair of flats and breathe and walk normal like the rest of us bipeds. (P.S. Also, I can see your butt.) [Photos: Pacific Coast News]
Kim Kardashian posted this picture on Instagram yesterday with the description “Rawwwr!!!” I suppose this means she is going to be a sexy cheetah for Halloween. Or she’s just trying to throw us a red herring while she shops for something even more revealing to wear? The suspense is killing me. [Buzzfeed]
Oh, excuse us for interrupting your private moment, Kim and Kanye. Wait, never mind, you’re out in public playing grab ass, why are we apologizing? Kim is the one who’s known for her famous fanny, but it seems she has a fondness of her own for the junk in Kanye’s trunk. She’s really up there, isn’t she? Is she holding on that tight because she’s afraid of falling in the rain? Careful, girl.
We’ve noticed quite a few famous folks who can’t help showing their feelings for the fanny by giving their partner a little love tap or a big squeeze. Maybe they’re just double checking that their babe’s butt is still there? Click on for photos of celebs latching on to a badonkadonk. Brace yourself—this slideshow is full of dangerous curves.