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For The Week Of June 16-22, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

A power struggle between you and your honey is coming, most likely in regard to your families and/or home situation. Whichever the situation, someone needs to be the bigger person and ante up for the first round of negotiations. Obviously, if he were any kind of gentleman, it should be him, says you, tradition and yes, even the universe.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

There is a lot of satisfaction found in gloating, so when the answers to questions you have been wondering come in and all prove you are indeed the brightest bulb on the block, go ahead and obscenely love your victory. Besides the fact that you earned every second of the spotlight, the added confidence will put you in line for some hot rewards.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

No one ever can predict what you’re thinking behind your spying eyes or where you’re heading off to next. Yes, mystery is your M.O. and that’s what you thrive on, have built your image on and gets you laid the most. Well, times up on this ole trick, at least for now, as switching up your act for a more in your face routine is what’ll keep the onlookers mesmerized.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This will be one of those weeks that’ll be incredibly amazing with your boo or it’ll suck hard. If things have been going one way, expect the trajectory to stay the same, but move a lot faster. Whichever, you will hit a plateau this week that has you planning ahead for the future in a major way.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t bother resisting who ever it is that you’ve been hanging out with, because his reason to charm is genuine. Besides, why so be hard on yourself? This person only means to bring good into your life and if you want to mess that up, it’ll be up to you. Of course, with the promise of legendary sex and sweet affection, only an absolute tool would refuse.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

There are times in your life you just won’t be able to control what flies out of your mouth, much like this week. The good news is that the universe is on your side and even though you might initially feel some embarrassment over your confession, things will work out in your favor and what you reveal will be just what needs to be said to get you what you desire.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Dealing with power hungry ho’s will tire you out and make you want to kill — and inadvertently, when this side of you comes out, it’ll be the biggest turn on for the one closest to you. You know it; this is your time to show you aren’t going to take crap from anyone. Unfortunately, you might not see results desired, but at the least, you will feel a hell of a lot better from the release.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Free your nastiest fantasies to your honey. The dirtier you get, the more liberating you’ll feel. After all, this is your time to show him who you really are — a depraved sex maniac that’ll go to any lengths to seek out a new thrill and taste a new flavor. Of course, after revealing your mysteries, realize it’s his turn then to show you if he truly is man enough for you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Some serious conversations are going to go down with you and another, but it won’t be someone too close to you, but more like an acquaintance. Whether this person is someone you want in your pants or not will be more apparent as the days go on and you learn what he is all about. However, realize it’s about the emotion behind the words rather than just what he is saying.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your light-hearted and jovial attitude is your selling point. However, when you find yourself falling, you seem to switch into acting detached rather than wildly in love. This will cause a problem. This week, there’s a full moon in your partnership house, which means time to cut out this bad habit. Even if it’s not your size, do try to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Everybody loves instant gratification, but now is when you’ll be obsessed with it. Expect someone or something to catch your eye so hard that it’ll make you insane with drive and hope to possess it. Push all you want, but realize that you’re playing with forces beyond your control — which means, put it out there, but draw the line at being creepy.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A maturity test comes your way when an ex pops back into the scene and old feelings return. However, your current situation will have you keeping it in your pants, but your curiosity will have you crawling up the walls. Sure, love the drama he brings, but settle for the friendship — at least for now.

For The Week Of June 9-15, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Go ahead and zone out. This won’t be one of those times that it’ll be too exciting or delicious to have to pay attention. Best to go into your own head and sort out the details of how you would like life to unfold, as better times are coming and it’s best you have a plan of action ready to go. Until then, make nice with your toys.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your charm and elegance will be in top form to woo a crush from far away. However, like a ballet, for now you need to keep the illusion going by keeping him at an arm’s length. Once you build up the mystery, things will fall into order. However, proper choreography is necessary to slip all pieces in the right place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All your wishing and hoping comes to a halt. Finally, you’ll see some major action and green lights brightening up your life, propelling you far ahead of the competition. With so much momentum, this is your perfect time to drop the baggage weighing you down. Yes, some may see this move as ruthless and cold, but whatever, those losers will never be as success as you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get in some quality time with your honey will be next to impossible. Seems no matter how you try, your schedules will repel each other. Thankfully, being the gal that you are, distance will make your heart grow fonder and your body hornier than a goat on E. By week’s end though, no matter what stands in your way, the forces of nature won’t be able to keep you apart.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Experience tells you all you need to know. Realize you have learned your lessons well enough to be an expert, so understand any repeat of the past will only make you out to be the dummy. As they say, “Fool you once, same on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” C’mon now darling, you’re way stronger and smarter than needing to be burned again.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Old loves die hard and that’s why it’s impossible to ever think you can go right into being friends with someone you’ve shared an intimacy with. Sure, you’re the sign of friendship and you have a special talent to remain aloof despite the most emotional tensions — but why torture yourself? Disappearing, even just momentarily, isn’t being weak, it’s being smart.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to talking crap about your boyfriend, only you have that right. After all, you sleep with him and listen to his whining all day, right? Right. So, when certain members of your family start bombarding you with their opinions, know your rights. Of course, if you’re too tired to defend him because of the time you spend babying him, keep your ears open.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your creative juices will be making you feel extra frisky and wild. Channel some of those kinky ideas into flirting with your baby and reviving the passion back to the days when love was so fresh and new that all other responsibilities, other than being with each other, felt inappropriate. If single, hit up prospects online. This brilliance will translate beautifully into literary genius.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to trying to express your feelings and get them understood, it’ll feel as if you’re taking two steps forward then three steps back. The frustration will leave you so distraught, you’ll think of giving up — don’t. Patience is key to getting what you want, as the answers you want to hear are heavier that you can imagine and will take time to come out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stop all that neurotic judging of yourself and really look at where you are. Your life is fine and you should be proud of the fantastic job you’ve done, getting yourself where you are — you’re a total prize. With that in mind, don’t say anymore to procure that someone into your clutches. If he has any clue or worth, he’ll know it’s his turn to sh*t or get off the pot.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Chances are you’re feeling trapped and only see a few viable options. However, this is all in your head. Seems you’re currently your own worst enemy, but only you can snap yourself out of this. Of course, hitting bottom is usually the only way for you to bounce back to the top — but make a note; you have only until the 19th to wallow. After that, you’ll have no more excuses

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love is your drug. You’ll be OD-ing on the stuff so hard; you may have trouble keeping life balanced. As for friends, it won’t be so easy to chalk it off as jealousy. While some will be a bit green with envy, most of them won’t and will see what’s happening for what it is. Sure, you’re entitled, but c’mon, how old are we already? Return their calls and don’t flake on them.

For The Week Of June 2-8, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As fate would have it, you’re born under the sign of the perfectionist wannabe and can spend days mentally flogging yourself for the slightest errors in your decision-making. So, be careful when given all sorts of offers at the office. Whatever you do, celebrate the one that brings you money; ignore the one that can lead you to removing your clothes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The hottest thing you have to turn on the boys this week? Your big set of morals. Seems out of all your tricks, none will be great and powerful as the way you stand up for the underdog and fight the fight for what you believe. Go ahead, release your anger and take that high road. When you get to the top, trust they’ll be someone ready to be your bottom.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s karmic payback time. This means the universe is going to tallying the score and see if you’re a saint or a sinner. Depending on where you place, the magnitude of your prize will correspond. Of course, knowing you, your hands have been in all sorts of naughty places, which means one twisted surprise headed your way.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You and your honey can expect a period of hungering for each other like savage animals, with his electric rod of love lighting up your life in ways never imagined. The only catch, both your flaky sides will be out and killing the timing. Luckily, the job, when done, will be so good that the lulls in-between will keep you giddy.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Boredom is optional. If you find yourself sinking deeper into the shadows of your demons, stop it. Instead, get your ass to the gym and sweat it out. Pump up those endorphins and drench your body in pheromones. After all, if your attitude will be less than spectacular, might as well rely on the old tricks of Mother Nature to get yourself some.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Reconnecting with an old friend will warm the cockles of your heart and have you seeing life as you once loved it isn’t gone forever, but has transformed. So, just when you think you were settling down and losing it, in comes salvation. To reclaim the youth that you still have to burn, jump onto the spontaneity bandwagon and let it take you were it may.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A new beginning is yours, but the deal is you have to end another thing first. Even if you just mentally make a note of whatever you have to end, as in a nasty habit of any sort, the universe will be willing to make you that exchange on credit…which means, you better live up to your end of the bargain if you want positive karma to keep playing on your side.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your flirty nature goes wild, attracting new and zany characters into your life. Sure, you can’t take most of them seriously, but they’ll entertain nonetheless and come with all sorts of talents you can exploit. So, who cares what the circumstances are, let these men worship you and do all your necessary handy work — and you can define “handy work” on whatever terms you choose.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your love is god and it needs proper worship. Yes, this is your time to stop the martyr routine, picking up the scraps and trying to make it work for you. Enough of the bargain mentality when it comes to romance, it’s completely passé. However, to get satisfaction means putting out the work too — and for you, this could start with losing that bad habit lying next to you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Luckily you’re a gal born with so many talents and personalities that you always have a back up plan. Be ready to launch a new one as you mind calls anarchy on your body and has the two sides fighting for control. Happily, this will be way more comedic than tragic, but prepare, you’ll be running all about town with your panties in a bunch.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter where you go, the past will haunt you. Seems nothing new can erase the old and it’ll consume you until you get on your hands and knees and start praying for a release…or you pick up the phone and call that person that has been enslaving your libido and mind. Astrologically, they’ll be happy to hear from you, drama queen.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you’re attached, realize the Siamese twin routine is played and no one is having any fun being dragged or doing the dragging around town. So, if you want any passion, separate and do your own thing. Creating time to miss each other not only will do wonders for your sex life, but it’ll give you twice the gossip to talk about. Yes, a win-win solution for everyone!

Frisky Chatter: Dish From The Frisky Forums

If you don’t have tickets to see THAT MOVIE this weekend (either because you don’t care or because it’s sold out, like, everywhere) take the time to do something far more worthwhile with your weekend — chit-chat on our forums!

  • Oh just get it out of your system, already — what are the most memorable SATC scenes?
  • Manfunk1 wants to know how to get revenge on a total d-bag — hook her up with some cruel and unusual suggestions!
  • Got any great date restaurant suggestions in the Windy City?
  • Charlie Sheen isn’t available — whose sperm would you like to keep on ice?
  • Don’t forget, Astrosexologist Extraordinaire Kiki T is always waiting to take your sex and love questions — she’ll answer them through the magical connective power she has with the celestial gods, or something.
  • Keep reading »

    For The Week Of May 26-June 1, 2008

    Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

    Brace yourself, this is going to be a week of hell where the one you’re working on won’t respond quite the way you would think, confirming that this person is in fact an idiot. Whatever, their standards suck. Sure, you barked up the wrong tree, but thankfully you’re smart enough to know this recent lack of judgment is an exception to your usual rule.

    Libra (September 23 – October 22)

    Hopefully you’re reading this on a tropical paradise, lounging about with hot studs fanning you with giant leaves and a cocktail by your side. If so, bonsai! It’s exactly where you should be. If you are reading this elsewhere, change your trajectory. Hedonistic pursuits are your only worthwhile challenge now.

    Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

    Stop wasting your time creating worst-case scenarios. Not only are you cosmically drawing that negative energy to you, you are neglecting to realize that time has its own agenda and that only in time can you see how your story unfurls. What you know today might not hold true tomorrow. This week, expect a sexy red herring to prove this point.

    Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

    If you’ve been seeing someone, a new comfort level is about to be achieved near the 25th and can have you dreaming about the next step. However, take heed that your brain gets jumbled on the 27th, making your libido more ambitious than your heart. In other words, enjoy the sex, but avoid making any deep commitments.

    Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

    The only things you’ll be wrestling with this week are your demons. Unfortunately, confusion will put you in panic mode and not be sending off your best vibes into the universe. Forget trying to reason with it. Give in and go all the way — take down those bitches! Besides, the only way to lure the prospects back is with the scent of your sweat from a victorious battle.

    Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

    Your question of the week is, “How bad do you want it?” This could mean sex, love or just a distracting flirtation. Whichever, know that it’s possible, but it just won’t come easy — like crawling through a minefield of mental traps. The worst part is, the end result might not even be worth the efforts. So, be smart, really know how much you want it.

    Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

    Be careful using guilt as a weapon. Passive aggressive tactics to get your honey to do as you wish is only going to backfire on you. If you want him to take action, you are going to have to lead by example and hope he catches on. If he does, then know he is on the same page. If not, then realize you might have to consider how smart he really is.

    Aries (March 21 – April 19)

    Watch what you say, because being misconstrued and having the wrong information come back to bite you is highly probable. To play it safe, don’t spill any of your secrets or confess any of your feelings. Ideally, this is a good time to beginning a flirtation, but do it with actions, like a wink to the hottie you see in your morning commute, but keep all else to yourself.

    Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

    Money matters to you and there should be no love for anyone, unless they can pay to keep up with you. Not to say you should turn into a gold digging whore, but draw the line on those broke-a$$ boys that need you as their sugar momma. Accept a guy with potential may be sexy, but a guy living out his potential is sexier.

    Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

    Your brain will feel like scrambled eggs all week in regard to boys. Lucky you though, your best play isn’t to bear all the responsibilities, but take in the worship and observe the situation. Although it’ll be hard not to throw your two cents in every two minutes, your silence will give you a vital position to scope out the long term potential.

    Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

    Stop blaming the world for your problems, because the more you bitch the more negative energy will come your way. Instead, to jump start the feeling of joie de vivre, spread open your wallet and treat yourself. So what if life is less than stellar? And who cares that your love life is rocky as hell? You have the power to buy some happiness, hook yourself up.

    Leo (July 23 – August 22)

    Sure, you’re the queen of the zodiac, the ruler of romance and the original It Girl. However, despite that startling resume, you aren’t perfect and can’t contain all the answer to the universe’s mystery. So, when a lusty conflict happens between you and a close friend (for example, fighting over a guy) realize this can happen to even the best of them.

    For The Week Of May 19-25, 2008

    Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

    This is the beginning of one of those phases when you’ll have to spend a lot of time talking to yourself, convincing yourself everything is fine. Unfortunately, there’s no good news to report right now, as it’ll feel as if everyone is going against you. If anything, make it your time to compensate with overspending and overeating. Yes, find satisfaction wherever available.

    Libra (September 23 – October 22)

    Get your priorities in order. Put on your party hat and hit the town. Your infectious energy is necessary to inspire friends around you from skimming the bottom of the mood chain. By assuming the role of the cheerleader, good things will follow. After all, how deliciously will you stick out being the lively center in a group of well-dressed zombies?

    Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

    Mark the 19th down and watch what happens near then. In a rare astrological form, there are two full moons in Scorpio this year, which means if you didn’t settle an ongoing trauma last month, the gods are giving you another chance. As destiny goes, second chances are precious and if given one, you better rise to the occasion. Otherwise, you’ll be royally f’ed.

    Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

    Rocky relationship times are coming. Even despite wrapping one issue, others randomly appear. While the love is there and you will be solid despite the mess, the small aggravations will irritate. The worst is that by next week, these conversations hit repeat. To circumvent the repetition, answer with action: tackle him down and give his mouth something else to do.

    Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

    Although you’d love to escape to a desert island with a superfluous supply of your vices and a gaggle of able-bodies love slaves, you’re going to have to postpone even the fantasy. Seems you’ll have no time to even think, as an unexpected work pandemonium has you fighting for survival. Dramatic? Yes, but wouldn’t it have to be, to leave such paradise behind?

    Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

    You’ve been nice for too long. Stop being taken foregranted of and get acknowledged for all the efforts you put out, demand pay back. Put yourself in the spotlight and indulge your most selfish ways. If you give him no choice, but to worship, he will oblige — and in a way that’ll make everyone feel all right.

    Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

    Despite the fact that you’ll be in full homebody mode, beyond moody and noncommittal, motivate yourself to do something larger than life. Break free from the confines of your excuses and dare to take a leap into the unknown. Even if the spark lasts for less than 10 seconds, at least it’ll give you something specific to be isolated, moody and noncommittal about.

    Aries (March 21 – April 19)

    Being bitchy might be the way you land them, but it’s not the way you’re going to keep them. Sorry to say darling, but these days your insanity could scare salmon from swimming upstream. That’s right, your negative energy will have the power to confuse instincts and self-sabotage. Curb those undercutting opinions, no matter how imperative you think it is to win.

    Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

    Money makes the world go round. Expect a pleasant windfall to hit your wallet and give it a bulge it hasn’t seen in years. The one caveat, the cash won’t come in directly. It might be your partner’s or you’ll only hear about the pending cash, but the check will still have yet to arrive. Either or, you’ll be one lucky bitch.

    Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

    You know how people think you’re a multi-personality disaster of mayhem and manipulation? Well, hold on to your hat because you might think the same as your mind ping-pongs between extremes. Feelings will vary one minute from the next and what you say might not be what you feel for too long. Whatever, at the least, no one could ever accuse you of being boring.

    Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

    The past returns to kick your ass. Unresolved emotions resurface by way of someone returning or your own flip-outs from nostalgia. Whichever the case, expect to reconnect with something that you’ll be painfully aware of how toxic it can be for you, but you can’t seem to resist. Don’t fret, fate has your back and in the end, you will come out enlightened.

    Leo (July 23 – August 22)

    A friendship with much sexual tension will start to get you uncontrollably hot and bothered. Although you can try to play smooth, honesty won’t be able to keep you calm. However, no matter how hard it’ll be to keep your secrets, do try. This isn’t the time you can clearly express the depths of your emotions. Instead, keep building the friendship and get him to make the move.

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