Now that I’m an old-ass boring married lady, spending all my time vacuuming in heels, watching my stories and making martinis at 5 p.m. in anticipation of the imminent arrival of the most interesting man in my world, the only thing left for me to do in life is get pregnant.
But that is not the plan. Well, the making myself martinis at 5 p.m. is frequently part of the plan. Which would be a bad plan if, indeed, Patrick and I were trying to have kids. But this Sunday, and every forseeable third Sunday in May after that, I will celebrate my mom and my mother-in-law, and never be celebrated myself.
By my own design. Of my own volition. With the express agreement of my husband, who will similarly find himself celebrating his dad and father-in-law on future third Sundays in June, but never receive a hideous tie of honor himself.
I realize this isn’t normal for most people. But whether it’s normal or not, let me ask you to err on the side of not being a presumptuous snoot when talking to people who don’t have kids and who, moreover, don’t want to have kids. Keep reading »
Last night, a five-year-old girl died in a hospital in India from cardiac arrest, succumbing to wounds suffered when she was raped.
According to a hospital official, the child had been in a coma for over a week and suffered brain damage as a result of being smothered during the attack to stifle her cries. Two men have been arrested in conjunction with the assault. One allegedly lured her to a neighboring farm, and the other, a friend of her parents, raped her. Keep reading »
When my youngest son was maybe 2 years old, he crept outside our bedroom door very early one morning while my husband and I were still asleep. I awoke to a deadpan, tiny voice whispering, “Let her in. Let. Her. In. Let her in,” over and over and over.
Turns out the cat was pawing at the back door, and he was just informing us it was time to, you know, let her in. But holy shitballs, that wasn’t even remotely my first thought. (My first thought was vampires, okay? IT WAS VAMPIRES.)
That was a legitimately spooky moment, but it doesn’t even hold a (flickering, ghostly) candle to this hair-raising Reddit thread titled, “Parents, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you?” Clocking in at over 11,000 comments, the forum is filled with an amazing array of stories ranging from hilariously weird to downright terrifying. Read more on The Stir…
To tell you the truth, I don’t really give a shit that Gwyneth Paltrow is selling bikinis for little girls through her website, GOOP. Gwyneth Paltrow is also the person who suggested your spring wardrobe could use a $1,615 black skirt. She’s not really the arbiter of sensibility or good taste, no matter how many thousand-dollar clothing items she convinces you that you just have to have. The bikini in question is a $45 miniature version for girls (pictured at right) that matches an adult design, all of which were created by designer Melissa Obadash for GOOP. I do think that bikinis are too grown up for five-year-olds; I also think that this battle against the sexualization of young girls has already been lost. Bikinis for little girls aren’t going to go anywhere. I wouldn’t buy a bikini for my own hypothetical kid because I just think one-pieces are more appropriate, but Gwynnie and her GOOPies can do what they want — and expect the rest of us to laugh at them. [Styleite, Daily Mail UK]
Okay, so this story is a little old, but I’m posting because it’s still utterly charming: a little boy wanted the “Sofia The First” DVD, a random douchebag in line piped up to say the kid shouldn’t watch “girl movies,” the boy’s dad defended his son’s right to watch princess flicks, and then some lady in line offered to buy the kid “Sofia The First” because seeing a dad stick up for his kid’s girly interests made her day. Yay, there are good people in the world! [Her.ie]
This video comes to us via reader Karinne, who quite rightly believes 2.5-year-old Sasha should be a star. What acting skills! Such verve! I keep watching it over and over again for the face she makes when she sing “When the dog bites … ” Watch your back, Julie Andrews. [YouTube]
Karen Braithwaite is a mom any Barbie lover would be lucky to have: she is asking Mattel to make birthday party merchandise featuring black Barbie dolls.
Mattel already sells black Barbie dolls (Barbie’s black friend Christie appeared in 1968; these days Barbie herself is black) and certain black Barbie items, such as stickers. But their sets of party goodies — cups, plates, etc. — do not include a complete set with black Barbies. All the full sets portray Barbie as white. Keep reading »
You can thank “Girls” for this: according to some new baby name study from baby-naming experts Nameberry, Marnie is the
top hot new baby name of 2013. Why people would want their kid to share a name with a whiny, self-absorbed, terrible-singing character on an HBO show is beyond me, but there you go. One man’s warbly bitch is another’s cute baby name. After the jump, the rest of Nameberry’s list, and what we imagine might be the motivation behind the sudden rise in popularity of these names.
Keep reading »