Full disclosure: I am more than a little obsessed with Kelly Oxford. The Canadian blogger turned Twitter celeb turned screenwriter just released her first book, the memoir Everything Is Perfect When You’re A Liar, and it’s seriously one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. I have to stop myself from retweeting every single one of her deadpan missives on Twitter. Her husband James looks like bearded Jon Hamm and her three children — Salinger, 11; Henry, 8; and Bea, 4 — are adorable. She owns the Isabel Marant wedge sneakers that I want but can’t afford. So when I got the opportunity to talk to Kelly about her book and her other upcoming projects, naturally I kept her on the phone for as long as possible. After the jump, Kelly talks about the process of writing all of the essays in Everything Is Perfect When You’re A Liar; the differences between Canadians and Americans; what it’s like to have switched roles with her husband so she’s now the “breadwinner” after 10 years of being a stay-at-home mom; what pal David Copperfield — yes, the magician — has hidden on his private island; and which celeb she totally could have dated at 17. Keep reading »
Chances are, if you spend any time on Twitter, you know who Kelly Oxford is. The Canadian-born mom of three has amassed over 450,000 followers thanks to her hilarious and dry-witted one liners about everything from notorious celebrities like Chris Brown (“Leave it to fucking Chris Brown to make a dance song out of police sirens”) and dead rockstars (“One thing Kurt Cobain would have loved is trending on Twitter on his birthday”), to random life moments (“Almost passed out from trying to blow a 3″ long pube off a toilet seat so no one in this restaurant would think it was mine”), marriage (“Marriage: Waking up to the best news stories being emailed to you from your husband in the bathroom”) and motherhood (“How do you get a red wine stain off a baby?”). She counts Jimmy Kimmel, Roger Ebert, Jessica Alba and David Copperfield among her biggest fans, but, as her new memoir, Everything Is Perfect When You’re A Liar, makes clear, fame hasn’t gone to Oxford’s head. Keep reading »
I used to trade back rubs for blow jobs. Not with strangers, of course. With my boyfriend at the time. And not half-assed, sitting in front of him on couch with the TV on back rubs either; no, I’m talking lights off, candles burning, soothing background music, scented oil back massages for at least 20 minutes. When he was done, I would sit up, he would lie down, and I would return the favor with oral sex. I wasn’t half-assed about it either; it was often to fruition, although about 40 percent of the time — unless I was on my period — the back massage would get me revved up and we would end up humping. Either way, it was always a successful exchange of services that left both of us satisfied.
This is what Kelly Oxford, writing in GQ, calls “sex bartering,” and she suggests couples everywhere “put sexual favors on the table and start negotiating.” Keep reading »