“We were together for about 20 hours and I would say 15 of those hours were working on Kate trying to convince her to cut her bangs. I felt like she was hiding behind that front piece. My haircuts are $950. The color would have been about $500, and the extensions, which were great length extensions, would probably cost about $5000. I wanted to make sure I took her from being really ordinary to really extraordinary!”

—Hair stylist Ted Gibson on creating Kate Gosselin’s new post-divorce hair, which, despite the cost, is not actually solid gold [RadarOnline.com]

Now that the holidays are over, we’re expected to actually work on our New Year’s resolutions. Whatever they may be, the tabloids are here to help. Oh, you wanted to lose weight? Here are a bunch of celebrities in bikinis making you feel like a slob! Want to spend less time gossiping about people? Well, don’t worry; it’s perfectly innocent to read gossip about people, instead. And in case you wanted to save some money this year, we’ll save you $21.02 in weekly tabloid costs by hand-picking the most interesting stories, just for you!

• Kate Gosselin says the children miss having the cameras in their lives. [ABC News]
• Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo is recovering after his devastating bus accident. [Albany Times-Union]
• Mel Gibson to film his next movie at a Mexican prison. [Hollywood Reporter]

Kate Gosselin is a lot of things, but is she really fascinating? Barbara Walters thinks so; she’s included the (former!) reality TV mom is her annual list of the 10 most fascinating people of the year. Joining Gosselin this year: Sarah Palin, Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, NFL star Brett Favre, Tyler Perry, Fox News host Glenn Beck and Jenny Sanford—the wife of cheatin’ South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. We’ll have to wait until the special airs a week from today to find out who the number one spot goes to, but until then let’s have some fun guessing. My bet’s on Michael Lohan or Octomom. Hey, if Kate’s on the list, anything’s possible, right? [via US Magazine]

Well, here’s a big reason to give thanks this week: Last night TLC aired the final episode of “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” Holla! In it, both Kate and Jon individually spoke directly into the camera about ife as a single parent and what they had to say was markedly different. For his part, Jon spoke about his bachelor pad in Manhattan, saying:

“Although I live there, it’s not like I’m at my house. Now it’s like I have a place to go. When I get sick of the city and all the press and the media, I cross the [George Washington Bridge], I go back to my country place and I can just chill. I’ve got the best of both worlds right now.”

Do you guys realize that it’s been five whole days since we wrote about either Jon or Kate Gosselin? I know you appreciated the vacation. And sorry to break the streak, but there were big happenings in Gosselin land over the weekend. On Saturday, the former couple began mediated arbitration. The day got off to a photo-op-baiting start when Jon showed up with a dozen long-stemmed roses for Kate, supposedly still under the guise of wanting to reconcile, though he’s continued his relationship with Hailey Glassman. Kate refused the roses, of course. Then the two sat down at a table with assorted lawyers and mediators and talked through issues like child custody (Jon is expected to give it to Kate), dividing up their assets, and child support. Arbitration was scheduled to continue today, but things went so smoothly on Saturday that today’s session wasn’t necessary. The arbitrator should have a decision on all these issues within a month, which means the two could ring in the new year as singletons. And maybe we won’t have to pay attention to them anymore? Please. [People]

Last night, because “Kate Plus 8” is in limbo thanks to a certain someone (JON! That’s you!), TLC decided to air a special called “Kate: Her Story,” featuring Kate Gosselin being interviewed by Natalie Morales. Morales failed to ask really important questions—like, “How do you feel about Heidi Montag being you for Halloween?”—and basically just gave Kate a forum to cry and smear her smoky eye makeup. Since you probably couldn’t stomach the idea of watching the whole thing (plus, you were busy watching the World Series), here are the choicest quotes from the hour-long special.

Kate Gosselin, whose hair keeps getting bigger and waistline continues to shrink, sat down with “Today”‘s Natalie Morales for a one-hour interview set to air tonight on TLC. The “Today” Show aired a few minutes of the interview this morning, during their daily dose of Gosselin. We learned that Kate is still sad and Jon, who spoke out in a New York City synagogue last night with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a spiritual adviser to the stars, “is sorry” for his bad-boy behavior in the months since he and Kate announced their divorce. He explains: “It’s hard for a man to stay home for two years and change diapers and make meals and deal with, like, doctors appointments and all the stuff you expect your wife to do.” So, naturally, when he got a taste of freedom, he had to, you know, do what a man has to do—neglect his kids and boink 22-year-olds! Clip above.

When Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt dress up as Jon and Kate Gosselin for Halloween, an angel bursts into flames. [Los Angeles, 10/29/09]

Kate Gosselin is so hot right now; you may already have her fabu hairdo. Or you might have a raccoon that digs through your trash that inspired you to be her for Halloween. Whether you worship the cable TV mother of the year or just have a lot of spare kids to dress up in costumes, here’s how you can recreate her reality-show chic on the cheap. Now that Kate’s back on the market and it’s Halloween, what better time to slut it up like a reality television fame whore?!

“I’ve done enough years on TV that I feel like it’s a normal, comfortable, natural place to be. I’d love to be in a movie at some point, I’d love to be the voice of a cartoon character in a movie for my kids. I think that would be fun.”

— Kate Gosselin answered “any and all reasonable questions” on last night’s episode of “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” When a viewer asked if she wanted to ever marry again, Kate replied:

“To be honest, I don’t know. I really don’t want to be married again, but I don’t want to be alone. The alone-ness is really alone.”

Who knew you could feel so alone with eight kids under your thumb? [via People.com]

Michael K.‘s latest “Hot Slut of the Day” over at Dlisted is the mind-bogglingly weird Lady Elegance Hair Coloring Brush. WTF!? I don’t know what’s more bizarre: the idea of making a hairbrush that will excrete goo that will supposedly fetchingly dye your hair, or that people will actually buy a brush that purports to dye your hair in anything other than what surely must turn out to be a hot mess. You can buy it off Amazon for around $20, but why the heck would you want to do that? According to the product description, it “gives you perfect, at home hair color so you don’t have to spend a fortune at the salon.” Need further instructions? “Just fill this special brush with your color of choice, turn on and start coloring.” Why do I feel that would have disastrous consequences? Also, it requires batteries. Unless you’re going as Kate Gosselin for Halloween, I’m going to have to recommend a pass. [Dlisted]

“I’m trying to give them the grace to see, if they’re acting out of line, I’m trying to look deeper into why that is. Why the kids are acting out. Cause it’s all inter-related. I mean, they don’t see it, but it’s all interconnected.”

—Kate Gosselin talks to Vanity Fair about the interconnectedness of, you know, fame-hungry parents who bad-mouth each other to the media every chance they get and their kids having issues.

There are few things on TV that I love more than a “ripped from the headlines” episode of “Law & Order,” and tonight’s episode, airing at 10 p.m., sounds like such a doozy that I’ll have to figure out how to see it and “Paranormal Activity.” The drama that is Jon and Kate Gosselin and OctoMom Nadya Suleman gets the L&O treatment as fictional versions of them battle for a reality show about their broods (there were almost 20 kids on set). And, of course, there’s a murder. If you’re an NBC watcher, I’m not spoiling anything for you by telling you the Kate character gets offed. As a result, the regular characters and my man Jack McCoy end up intertwined in the strange world of reality TV. And one has to be interviewed as part of the show to get some evidence. “[The episode is] kind [of] about the insidious nature of reality TV and kind of our fascination [with it],” said executive producer Rene Balcer to AccessHollywood.com. And that sounds almost as good as some of my favorite reality shows. [NBC New York]

Jonand Kate Gosselinbrought this on. They won’t go away, and they’ve dragged their bad parenting blame game so far into the bright center of the media spotlight that it doesn’t even matter I never watched the show. I know who they are and occasionally find myself taking sides, which I shouldn’t. They both seem crazy. Poor kids are so “Truman Show”‘d, there’s probably no hope. But, they did get me thinking about all my old fantasies about having famous parents. The old “I’m really adopted, but one day my real parents will find me, and then everything’s gonna change around here ... ” fantasy. You know what I’m talking about…

It’s Wednesday again, and if you were lucky enough to get Columbus Day off, you probably didn’t even notice that the week is half over. Thankfully, we’re here to remind you that the best ‘bloids hit the newsstands today. Heaven forbid you actually pay for them, so we scooped them up in the wee hours of the morning, read them cover to glossy cover and picked out the most amazing, totally true (yeah, right) tidbits for you.

• Jon Gosselin has been ordered to return $180,000 in marital funds to Kate Gosselin by Oct. 26. If he doesn’t give it back, he faces contempt charges. [MSNBC]
• U.K. Bartender Lloyd Gardner helps catch rapist, then donates his police reward to the victim. [Lemondrop]
• Note to, well, everyone: Nudity does not make you ineligible for a shoplifting arrest. [Dumb As A Blog]—It only makes your situation more ridiculous.