When it comes to highbrow fashion, even we get a bit lost when it comes to reading the obtuse critiques of fashion journalists or hearing the vague, but supposedly deep, inspirations from designers. Today, the Guardian proudly calls out the incoherent information fashion designers spit out to “explain” their collections. And quite rightly, seeing as what the Alexander Wangs and Karl Lagerfelds of the world have to say doesn’t quite match up with what you see on the runway. So we decided to take a closer look at what a handful of top designers had to say about their collections, and we’ve helpfully translated. [Guardian.co.uk]

It’s all about change in the fashion world right now—designers are livestreaming their runway shows (or trying anyway), shoppers can snap up fall Chloe bags on their iPhones, and magazines like Glamour and Marie Claire are making an effort to include plus-size women in their formerly stick-thin pages. But not everyone is down with the plan, and design legends Karl Lagerfeld and Christian Louboutin seem to be the most conscientious objectors, today anyway.

Even though Blair Waldorf is weaning herself off headbands now that “Gossip Girl” has gone to college, we’re still digging cute crap we can wear on our heads, and apparently Karl Lagerfeld is, too.

Lagerfeld photographed a story for the October issue of Italian Elle, that transformed a male model into a Ken-like doll (he has a bulge but no reproductive organs) and added interesting accessories atop model Ikeliene Strange’s head. You thought Lady Gaga‘s hair bow was wild? That was nothing compared to a colander, a heel, and a telephone. [Design Scene]

More images, after the jump!

Seems like Karl Lagerfeld has been lightening up recently which is nice, because, really dude, why so serious? Now the K-man’s image is getting a makeover in the form of a 10-inch collectible. Designed by Tokidoki, Mini Karl comes all Manga‘d-out, but still retains his signature style: black suit, tie, sunglasses, fingerless gloves. (Although, that stance actually looks Schwarzenegger-esque, no?)

Naturally, Karl wouldn’t want just anyone getting their hands on the doll. The limited edition collection contains just 1,000 models, which will be sold at Colette in Paris, and in the New York and L.A. Tokidoki stores.

Of course, all Mini Karl might do is make real Karl’s ego bigger. [WWD]

It’s no-big-whup news that Lily Allen is starring in the new Chanel campaign. In her first foray into Chanel ads, she did the whole Audrey Hepburn thing. But the new 411: We’ve spotted behind-the-scenes photos from the latest installment, courtesy of The Daily Mail. Lily’s posing with Karl (who’s also working it behind the camera) and rocking a seriously layered ‘do. The Mail claims she’s looking sort of nervous, but I’m calling BS on that—Miss Allen is a photo shoot vet, and knows her way around a camera. Check ‘em out…

Karl Lagerfeld and Marc Jacobs are fashion gods—legends in their own time, even. But they aren’t so chic that they can’t help you run errands. These tote bags, designed by Pattern People and sold by Hint magazine, immortalize the Kaiser and the King of Grunge in black ink and natural cotton canvas. We plan to bring Karl Lagerfeld along to Trader Joe’s with us and make him do the heavy lifting, carrying our copious amounts of almonds and guac up to our fourth floor walk-up. [$45, Hint Shop]

“I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that.”

— Karl Lagerfeld pretending to be Coco Chanel in Harper’s Bazaar. We wonder if he used a girly voice to answer the questions. [Also, shut up Karl!—Editor]  [Chic Report]

That whole “heart on your sleeve” stuff is so retro. From now on, a new digital-age-appropriate adage: “She wears her iPhone on her hand.” Perhaps this is what Karl Lagerfeld was angling for when these iPhone glove holders showed up in his Fall ‘09 runway show. The fingerless, leather gloves feature a ruched strap that allows the wearer to secure a phone to the outside of her hand. It would seem that Apple could be the source of inspiration for a whole new direction in fashion as designers look to incorporate its chic accessories into styling and garments. OK, fine. It’s not like the iTie is about to be the next couture hit, but we’d actually gladly take a chance on Karl’s glove. [Trendhunter.com]

Model Lara Stone, Karl Lagerfeld and Chanel pretty boy Baptiste Giacobini may join millions of Weekend Warriors across the land with their new motorcycle gang. [Paris, 7/17/09]

• Usher proved the rumor mill right when he filed for divorce from Tameka Foster, his wife of nearly two years. [E! Online]—The only one who might be surprised about this is Tameka. Hey, I never stopped calling her by her maiden name, anyway.
• Karl Lagerfeld is swinging insults at Heidi Klum again, but this time he attacks her husband too, saying he wouldn’t want Seal’s skin, which was damaged from a form of lupus. [The Sun]—Sounds like Karl is jealous to me.
• For the second night in a row, Paris Hilton spent the night with some guy named Cristiano Ronaldo. [Dlisted]

Most of us gave up our prima ballerina dreams right around plié. We’re starting to think we should have stuck with things, because apparently the payoff can include dancing your heart out in Chanel’s couture atélier. The lucky ballerina who got to do it was Elena Glurdjidze, a member of the English National Ballet, who wore a Karl Lagerfeld-designed tutu for the dance of “Dying Swan,” which will be performed in London’s Sadler Wells Theatre this month. With over 100 hours of work, the exquisite skirt was comprised of 2,500 feathers. In this video, Lagerfeld films Glurdijdze in the costume, dancing around the Chanel logo in his Paris studio.

Amid rumors that Karl is leaving Chanel, this film seems to only reinforce his connection with the label; Coco Chanel was a dance lover and designed costumes for a number of ballets. If Chanel made some affordable ballet flats, we’d be all up in those now, ready to show the Kaiser our fancy footwork.

Watch the video at Chanel.com.

It’s like a word association game. Say the word “asexual” and the first thing people say is Clay Aiken. Poor Clay got stuck as the poster boy for asexuality when he told New York magazine that he had no libido.

“I just don’t have an interest in … any of that at all. I have got too much on my plate. I’d rather focus on one thing and do that when I can devote time to it, and right now, I just don’t have any desire. I think maybe I don’t [have sexual urges]! I mean, not really. I’ve just kind of shut it off, maybe. Is that bad?”

Now we know Clay is actually a gay man and the only thing he had “shut off” were his homosexual desires.

But with such confusing messages about asexuality, is it any wonder that “Awkward,” a 19-year-old woman who wrote to Professor Foxy, Feministing’s sex advice expert, was really confused by her complete lack of a libido? “Awkward” thinks she is asexual, but wondered how do you actually know?

Karl Lagerfeld might be so batty that he wants his glass refreshed every 30 minutes, but at least he’s got a sense of humor. [Nice Airport, Nice, France, 5/26/09]

Reading celebrity Twitters is like flipping to US Weekly‘s “They’re Just Like Us!” section. They whine about bad TV, do battle with technology, and wonder what other people think of them. This week, Nicole Richie’s Blackberry broke, John Mayer was busy, James Franco saw “Star Trek”, Samantha Ronson watched MTV, Karl Lagerfeld tried to make us feel better about buying his clothes, and Mindy Kaling may or may not have gone to Paris for a boob job.

Meet Arnaud Maillard, Karl Lagerfeld’s former assistant. He wanted to quit to take a different job, Karl fired him first (!), and poor Arnaud said he’s been “jobless” ever since.

So like legions of disgruntled assistants before him who read The Devil Wears Prada, Arnaud wrote Merci Karl! (in French and German only) about life with his allegedly high-maintenance ex-boss. Karl tried to block portions of Merci Karl! from being published, but unforch for Karl, Arnaud’s publisher is the bigger dog.

We thought we were over the tell alls, but Karl Lagerfeld is such a weirdo that Merci Karl has got to be good. Here’s five kooky tidbits we gleaned already…

“60 Minutes” devoted a 13-minute segment to profiling Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue, this weekend. Journalist Morley Safer described Wintour as “a name that strikes terror in some, loathing in others, and transforms some into obsequious toadies.” Not that his observation is incorrect, but, geez, what a way to introduce someone.

It didn’t stop there. If the “60 Minutes” profile didn’t have you squealing at the high-profile cameos (Karl Lagerfeld! Andre Leon Talley!), maybe you’re a bigger ice queen than this supposed queen of the ice queens herself. Clip after the jump ...

• DAMN, why do I not live in France?!?!  Karl Lagerfeld designed fancy little outfits for some Barbie dolls and they’re are on display at the Colette shop in Paris from March 9-28.  Pics (alongside a real-life “Ken” model) above. [Collete]
• And in more Barbie news: a lawmaker in West Virgina is trying to outlaw the Little Miss Wackadoo Body Image with the Barbie Ban Bill.  Okay, I’m the first person to agree giving little kids a blonde, big-boobed, long-legged and smiling doll sends a bad message.  But maybe we should put pressure on Mattel to create a doll which reflects an actual human’s body first. [MSNBC]
• “I don’t drink, but I smell like I do,” says transsexual performance artist, Amanda Lepore, about her new $950 fragrance, Amanda, which includes a note of Cristal champagne. [New York Times]
• We’ll never get sick of models falling! [Refinery 29]

Even though markets around the world aren’t at their best right now, the Paris haute couture shows will go on! Today was the start of the super high-end fashion event began today, and Karl Lagerfeld’s monochrome designs for Chanel Haute Couture came down the runway. The models wore paper flower hats—there must be a way to DIY this look, right? Take another look after the jump…