Following today’s news that the world’s most famous Momager, Kris Jenner, will soon release a Kardashian cookbook, it left us wondering what else the family could possibly monetize? They’ve already created clothing lines, self tanner, fragrances, accessories, lingerie and have been the faces of diet drinks, alcohol, shoes, and even pads for slight bladder leakage. But there are still a few untapped markets left for the Kardashians to bust into. Here are ten products we’re shocked aren’t already Kardashian-sponsored, that totally should be.
Hmm, filming someone as they’re waking up from anesthesia after getting their wisdom teeth removed — mean or hilarious? I think it depends entirely on what they say while they’re under the influence and have big wads of cotton stuffed in their cheeks. For example, this woman is hilarious. All she wants is to have sex with Ryan Gosling. Can’t the girl get a little white dick? And if not, looking like a Kardashian will do. This is pretty much my daily inner monologue, minus the “white” dick part. I like dicks of all colors. [Gawker]
“Ugh, if I see one more magazine with Kim Kardashian on the cover, I’m going to puke!” I’m sure more than a few people have found themselves muttering those very words, but when Mike Amess says it, he means it — literally. The most ridiculous story of the day award goes to The Daily Mail, which has outdone itself with their profile of Amess and his vomit-inducing fear of the entire Kardashian family. According to the Daily Mail, Amess breaks out into a “cold sweat” whenever he sees a Kardashian — although his fear seems especially focused on Kim — and “the sight of a semi-naked Kim even makes him vomit with disgust.” REALLY?
The 24-year-old from Exeter explains, “Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky. My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch.” Keep reading »
Each year, the Kardashians release to the world their family Christmas card. Last year’s card, as you might remember, featured Kim’s poor dead kitten Mercy in a box. This year’s Christmas card, shot by famed photographer David LaChapelle, features poor beleaguered father figure Bruce Jenner — who recently split from matriarch Kris Jenner — in a tube. Meanwhile, the rest of the family dicks — Rob Kardashian, Scott Disick, Lamar Odom and Kanye West — are missing. (Little Mason and Penelope, Kourtney’s kids, are there, but North West is not.) And the Kardashian ladies? Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kylie and Kendall all look interchangeable until you zoom in. WHO ZOOMS IN ON A CHRISTMAS CARD? Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I think the image of Kim standing on top of a pile of money really captures the holiday spirit. Closeups after the jump. [via Jezebel] Keep reading »
Do not ask me why VoucherCodesPro.co.uk is in the business of creating imagined composite images of adult Kardashian offspring based on their parentage. I do not have the answer for you. What I do know is that they have done this, and that the results are what I would call “troubling.” North West, Penelope Disick, Mason Disick — all adorable children with perfectly good-looking, if completely ridiculous, parents. What follows is what I can assure you NONE of these children will actually grow to look like. At least, not exactly. Warning: very scary. Keep reading »
The kombined Kardashian-Jenner klan is famous (“famous”) for lots of things (or, rather, one thing that has splintered off into lots of things): multiple revealing reality television shows, media ubiquity, 72-day marriages, explicit discussion and occasional tasting of bodily fluids, giving birth on camera … you get it. Not one of these things even begins to imply that they are known for any intellectual capacity or emotional sensitivity. Sure, they’re “smart,” in the same way someone like Miley Cyrus is smart — they know how to keep their names in the headlines. (Or their mother does, at least.)
So that’s why it’s depressing, but not at all surprising, that Kylie Jenner went ahead and stirred up some controversy of her own on the Twitters yesterday, posting an old photo of herself with a past hair color with the caption, “I miss my black hair I’m so bipolar :( .” :(, indeed, because girl, YOU ARE NOT BIPOLAR. I can’t even begin to describe the idiocy of this type of misuse of a word — changing your mind about something does not, I repeat, does not a bipolar person make. But hey, on the bright(er) side, at least she acknowledges that bipolar disorder exists, unlike her boyfriend Jaden Smith‘s family. Ain’t nothing Xenu can’t cure! (And no, they still have yet to pinpoint a medical term to describe whatever is amiss with Kris Jenner.) [Gossip Cop]