Following today’s news that the world’s most famous Momager, Kris Jenner, will soon release a Kardashian cookbook, it left us wondering what else the family could possibly monetize? They’ve already created clothing lines, self tanner, fragrances, accessories, lingerie and have been the faces of diet drinks, alcohol, shoes, and even pads for slight bladder leakage. But there are still a few untapped markets left for the Kardashians to bust into. Here are ten products we’re shocked aren’t already Kardashian-sponsored, that totally should be.
Hmm, filming someone as they’re waking up from anesthesia after getting their wisdom teeth removed — mean or hilarious? I think it depends entirely on what they say while they’re under the influence and have big wads of cotton stuffed in their cheeks. For example, this woman is hilarious. All she wants is to have sex with Ryan Gosling. Can’t the girl get a little white dick? And if not, looking like a Kardashian will do. This is pretty much my daily inner monologue, minus the “white” dick part. I like dicks of all colors. [Gawker]
“Ugh, if I see one more magazine with Kim Kardashian on the cover, I’m going to puke!” I’m sure more than a few people have found themselves muttering those very words, but when Mike Amess says it, he means it — literally. The most ridiculous story of the day award goes to The Daily Mail, which has outdone itself with their profile of Amess and his vomit-inducing fear of the entire Kardashian family. According to the Daily Mail, Amess breaks out into a “cold sweat” whenever he sees a Kardashian — although his fear seems especially focused on Kim — and “the sight of a semi-naked Kim even makes him vomit with disgust.” REALLY?
The 24-year-old from Exeter explains, “Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky. My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch.” Keep reading »
Each year, the Kardashians release to the world their family Christmas card. Last year’s card, as you might remember, featured Kim’s poor dead kitten Mercy in a box. This year’s Christmas card, shot by famed photographer David LaChapelle, features poor beleaguered father figure Bruce Jenner — who recently split from matriarch Kris Jenner — in a tube. Meanwhile, the rest of the family dicks — Rob Kardashian, Scott Disick, Lamar Odom and Kanye West — are missing. (Little Mason and Penelope, Kourtney’s kids, are there, but North West is not.) And the Kardashian ladies? Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kylie and Kendall all look interchangeable until you zoom in. WHO ZOOMS IN ON A CHRISTMAS CARD? Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I think the image of Kim standing on top of a pile of money really captures the holiday spirit. Closeups after the jump. [via Jezebel] Keep reading »
Do not ask me why VoucherCodesPro.co.uk is in the business of creating imagined composite images of adult Kardashian offspring based on their parentage. I do not have the answer for you. What I do know is that they have done this, and that the results are what I would call “troubling.” North West, Penelope Disick, Mason Disick — all adorable children with perfectly good-looking, if completely ridiculous, parents. What follows is what I can assure you NONE of these children will actually grow to look like. At least, not exactly. Warning: very scary. Keep reading »
The kombined Kardashian-Jenner klan is famous (“famous”) for lots of things (or, rather, one thing that has splintered off into lots of things): multiple revealing reality television shows, media ubiquity, 72-day marriages, explicit discussion and occasional tasting of bodily fluids, giving birth on camera … you get it. Not one of these things even begins to imply that they are known for any intellectual capacity or emotional sensitivity. Sure, they’re “smart,” in the same way someone like Miley Cyrus is smart — they know how to keep their names in the headlines. (Or their mother does, at least.)
So that’s why it’s depressing, but not at all surprising, that Kylie Jenner went ahead and stirred up some controversy of her own on the Twitters yesterday, posting an old photo of herself with a past hair color with the caption, “I miss my black hair I’m so bipolar :( .” :(, indeed, because girl, YOU ARE NOT BIPOLAR. I can’t even begin to describe the idiocy of this type of misuse of a word — changing your mind about something does not, I repeat, does not a bipolar person make. But hey, on the bright(er) side, at least she acknowledges that bipolar disorder exists, unlike her boyfriend Jaden Smith‘s family. Ain’t nothing Xenu can’t cure! (And no, they still have yet to pinpoint a medical term to describe whatever is amiss with Kris Jenner.) [Gossip Cop]
There’s nothing like having your mom in your corner when your marriage is in crisis. Right, Khloe? Yeah, Momager’s got her girl’s back … just so long as Khloe stays married. Can you believe it? Apparently Kris Jenner wants Khloe to work things out with Lamar. So he cheated on Khloe. He’s got issues, poor thing. Stand by your man and all that crap.
Sheesh, was Kris the kind of mom to make her kids finish everything on their plates, too? Read more at The Stir…
What with “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” its various spin-offs both real and rumored, and their omnipotent media presence, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and krew don’t really leave much to the imagination. But, as fate would have it, there’s one big, bad secret they’ve managed to keep from America: they’ve actually been cats this whole time. Honestly, I almost didn’t notice anything different about the Kardash klan in this video by Giulia Rozzi. They look pretty much the same to me. [YouTube]
As if the Kardashians didn’t already have kopyrighting issues out the wazoo, Khloe’s latest business venture has gotten her all mixed up with the State of New York. Rich Soil (ugh), a clothing company Khloe owns with husband Lamar Odom, is being accused of ripping off the Department of Agriculture’s's “Pride of New York” logo. Susan Rosenthal, a lawyer for the department, demanded in a letter sent to Rich Soil that the company immediately halt the sale and advertisement of merchandise bearing the emblem lest the state be forced to take legal action. Lawsuits seem to be a recurring theme with the Kardashians. Maybe they should just … stop trying to put their name on things? I’m just saying. [NYMag.com]
Cover boy, Lord, American Psycho — Scott Disick is a man of many wonders. He is almost single-handedly responsible for everything Good and Hilarious to happen on all things “Kardashian” as of late insofar as he is uncompromisingly ridiculous and it brings me pure joy. In the latest episode of “Kourtney & Kim Take Miami,” Kourtney calls Scott out on borrowing what appears to be her Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. Kim also announces she’s pregnant, but whatever. Scott’s makeup hoarding (and feigning cluelessness!) is far and away the highlight of this episode, along with Kourtney’s trademark deadpan, totally Xanaxed-out delivery as she sneakily confirms that Scott is, indeed, borrowing her beauty products. So! When are they announcing his spin-off? Mama Kris would never approve of that, but I guarantee viewers would be far more likely to tune in to “The Scott Show” than “Kendall & Kylie’s Boring Whatever.” [BuzzFeed]