Tag Archives: justin bieber

Who Is The Next Justin Bieber?

Just three minutes ago (in pop culture time), Justin Bieber was just a wee Canadian boy with a YouTube channel, floppy hair, and a dream of becoming a superstar. When he first arrived on the music scene, critics were dubbing him the next Michael Jackson (huh?) or Justin Timberlake. Now he’s causing tween riots riots around the world, making 3-year-olds cry, and performing with the likes of Usher. Katy Perry and cougars everywhere want to bonk him; Kim Kardashian wants to set him up with her little sis; lesbians everywhere are rushing out to get his haircut; and every up-and-coming pre-pubescent boy wants to be the next him. After the jump, two young chaps who are being dubbed the next J-Bieb. Does this mean his three minutes are about to end? Keep reading »

Quotable: M.I.A. Is TOTALLY A Justin Bieber Fan

“If I’m honest, I find the new Justin Bieber video… more of an assault to my eyes and senses than what I’ve made.”

M.I.A., the Sri Lanken rapper behind my 2008 jam, “Paper Planes,” on Justin Bieber’s video for (probably, since she wasn’t specific) “One Time.” M.I.A. recently caused controversy with the video for her song “Born Free,” because of its overt violence and nudity. You know what’s more of an assault to my eyes than either of those videos? The Bieb’s hair. [Zeitgeisty Report] Keep reading »

Justin Bieber’s Most Wooden Performance


This ventriloquist has got a case of Justin Bieber Fever thanks to Everything Is Terrible. The rosy cheeks! Those bangs! That track! It’s the best art imitating life imitating art we’ve ever seen. And I bet it’ll make all the girlies like me scream, “I heart you JB!” Keep reading »

Quickies: The Next Susan Boyle, Taylor Momsen Swears On TV & Justin Bieber Takes Over Oprah

  • Is this woman the next Susan Boyle? [CNN]
  • Beyonce’s House of Dereon brand is expanding into home decor, starting with a line of bedding! Now you can stay warm at night with Sasha Fierce! [Luxist]
  • Silly Taylor Momsen. The oh-so-punk-rock “Gossip Girl” star swore on a British morning show. [Huffington Post]

Keep reading »

Proven Fact: Justin Bieber Inspires Violence

I haven’t quite figured out what it is about that little Bieber boy that causes his fans to turn into violent psychos. Yes, he “looks” like a lesbian with his perfectly coiffed hair that falls effortlessly over one eye, but is he really riot-worthy? Last night in New Zealand, a mob of tweens greeted him at the airport by stealing his hat and bulldozing his poor mother to the ground. Come on, kids. He can’t be that boink-able. [Huffington Post]

After the jump, some more violent Bieber incidents. Keep reading »

Are You Old Enough To Bonk Justin Bieber?

Not sure if you’re young enough for 16-year-old teen heartthrob Justin Bieber? The so, so wrong site In-N-Out Bieber is a handy-dandy service that figures out if your Bieber dreams are legal. I’m good to go in Alabama, Kentucky, or Oklahoma — but in New York, I’ve still got 304 days, 12 hours and 44 minutes to wait. (Sorry to disappoint you, Justin, but that stupid haircut doesn’t do it for me.)

Are you too old for Bieber, too? Cheer up: you might not be too old for Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber! [In-N-Out Bieber] Keep reading »

Justin Bieber Wants Barbara Walters

How is it that “cougar” has become such normal terminology, and meanwhile there’s no compact way to describe a younger dude who likes his women on the mature side? Well, whatever that word may be, Justin Bieber sure seems to be one. When he appeared on “The View” yesterday, he was asked, “What kind of girls are you into?” He looked a little thrown off for a second and then replied, “You know I’m into people like … uh … Barbara Walters.” Barbara looked a little shocked. “That may be the loveliest untruth I have ever heard,” she said. Here’s hoping Barbara never interviews him one-on-one. Babs has a way of flirting with her interview subjects, and I can’t imagine how awkward it would be if a 16-year-old were returning her suggestive glances. Keep reading »

Funny Blog Alert: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

I will admit that I really didn’t know who Justin Bieber was until recently. I guess that’s a good thing since I am no longer 11. Apparently this tween heartthrob has been taking his style cues from the lovely lesbian ladies of this country. A new blog, Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber, is calling him out on his blatant style biting. From his haircut to his hoodies, they’ve got Justin’s number. For example, have you ever noticed how Justin Bieber bears an uncanny resemblance to Kim Stolz from “America’s Next Top Model”? After the jump, see some more of the incriminating evidence. [Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber] Keep reading »

Justin Bieber Makes A 3-Year-Old’s Day/Life


Because we are not girls under the age of 12, it’s hard for us to wrap our heads around the insanity known as Bieber Fever. As a friend recently pointed out, “between the bowl cut, his last name and his weird head tick, he kind of reminds me of a Muppet baby.” True, but Justin is this generation’s answer to Jonathon Taylor Thomas, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Davy Jones, David Cassidy, etc, etc, etc. Luckily, the Bieb does seem like a pretty stand-up guy. Last night, while he was in Los Angeles celebrating his 16th birthday, he stopped by Jimmy Kimmel’s show to surprise Cody, the 3-year-old girl who spilled an insane number of tears in a YouTube video over the singer. (“I love Justin Bieber,” she wales. “I’m crying because I don’t get to see him all day.” If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out after the jump.) So Cody was pretty surprised when Justin magically appeared through the door. She jumped up to give him a hug. And offered him her hand in marriage. I guess she doesn’t know about playing hard to get yet? Keep reading »

‘Tweens Behaving Badly


Even if ‘tweens totally terrify you, you must show them some love for what they consistently do well—they bring the mother-effing ruckus. No matter what year, no matter what conditions, no matter what cute boy is involved, ‘tweens are kind of like cockroaches. Nothing on earth can keep them from causing a hysterical scene over the objects of their young affections. This past Friday, 3,000 ‘tweens rioted at a mall in New Jersey on Long Island. Arrests were made and a few were sent to the hospital after lots o’ screaming girls went apes**t—pushing and shoving just a bit too much, possessed with unbridled passion. Who were they getting all hot and bothered about? Teen singing sensation Justin Bieber. Is it bad that I don’t know who he is? Poor Justin had to turn around and leave after security deemed it unsafe for him to enter the building. Check out this video filmed by a ‘tween on the scene. Wait, is that Justin Bieber in the background, butchering “Love Fool,” originally by The Cardigans? Oh my … ‘tweenagers sure are interesting mini-people. After the jump, some more tweentastic moments. Keep reading »

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