There comes a time in every free-wheeling, fun-having relationship where a lady has to suck it up, buckle down and meet the people who spawned her beloved. Nine times out of ten, this happens around the holidays, and there is almost always a festive meal involved. The most wonderful time of the year? Yeah, right.
The first thing you need to do is get the skinny from your man. What are his parents like? Are they churchgoers? Recovering hippies? Military? You need to know what you’re up against. Though each set of parents is different (and once you throw in stepparents, you could be dealing with a couple sets), there are some universal things you should definitely not do if you want to make a good impression. Here are a few examples: Keep reading »
The first thing anyone asks a battered woman is: “Why did you put up with that?” Domestic violence is the only crime I can think of—well, besides rape—where the victim is treated as complicit in her own abuse.
This is why I rarely talk about my two-year relationship with a batterer. I wasn’t a housewife with no resources, I was a teenager and he was my first boyfriend. He beat me, raped me and stalked me. After I escaped, it was years before I told anyone what I’d been through because I was so ashamed. I still avoid the topic with those close to me.
What people don’t understand is that abusers don’t generally punch you in the face on the first date. If they did, nobody would ever go out with them twice. But there are some early warning signs—and as much as you might hate to admit it to yourself, the fact is, even a strong, smart, independent woman can find herself on the wrong end of the fist. Here are some behaviors to watch out for … Keep reading »
The archetypal man of my dreams is tall, emaciated, pale, big-nosed, pock-marked, and bears a striking resemblance to Nick Cave or Pete Doherty (minus the scabs). This ideal reads constantly (when he’s not busy brooding), is brutally sarcastic, and wears a lot of black. I don’t know what he does for a living because in my fantasy life, we’re too busy sitting around trading witty barbs over cocktails for him (or I) to actually accomplish anything productive. Keep reading »
Unless one of you moved to the other side of the planet (or died), chances are, you will, at some point in time, cross paths with someone who broke your heart. Then, as if seeing him in the flesh weren’t unpleasant enough, there’s always a chance that he won’t be alone.
But maybe you were the heartbreaker. In that case, running into him won’t be so torturous. Or perhaps you guys had one of those mythical “mutual” breakups that I’ve heard so much about but have never once witnessed in real life. Again, no biggie, right?
Well, sure. Theoretically anyway. But even after the most amicable breakup, it’s still jarring to see someone you loved with someone new. You can tell yourself you’re happy for him, but seeing them together for the first time can still feel awkward at best, excruciating at worst. Keep reading »
Of all the places where you could possibly pick up a guy, a party is a pretty safe bet. After all, presumably all the guests have been vetted, and if anyone seems interesting, you can get the 411 without even Googling. Asking the host about their friend may be old-school, but it’s also effective. After all, his Facebook page isn’t going to tell you he left his last girlfriend for a guy or that the red spot on his lower lip is marinara sauce, not the herp (or vice versa).
But parties are also fraught with rules that you don’t have to worry about if you’re scamming for man-flesh at a bar. At a bar, you’re surrounded by strangers you’ll never see again. At a party, everyone’s going to remember (and remind you) if you behave badly. So here are a couple tips to help you avoid getting crossed off everyone’s guest list. Keep reading »
You’ve met his friends; he’s met yours. Now it’s time to add fruity cocktails and mix. Short of introducing your parents to his, combining your two sets of friends—especially if they exist in very different worlds—is one of the most nerve-wracking milestones in a relationship. And since summertime is party time, it’s probably going to happen in the next month or so. Here are a few steps you can take to make sure it’s not a complete disaster. Keep reading »