Fresh of the disastrous season finale of “The Bachelor” and his appearance on “After the Final Rose,” douchenozzle Juan Pablo Galavis is kinda backtracking on his promise that he and final rose recipient Nikki Ferrell would be conducting their relationship privately. See, he posted this YouTube video about he and Nikki’s relationship yesterday, featuring photos of the two together as a song called “Adventures In Loving You” (which I guess Juan Pablo helped write) plays over top. The video starts and ends with some text written by Juan Pablo in his trademark style (USING randomly capitalized WORDS for NO DISCERNIBLE reason), declaring finally, “Te adoro.” “Te adoro,” incase you didn’t know, is Spanish for “Everyone wants me to say that I love you, but I don’t because I’m a jackass with the emotional depth of Carrot Top’s left nutsack, so I’m saying I adore you instead, which is not the same thing, hope no one notices.” (I’m guessing the word “loving” in name of the song is just love-love not in-love love.)
Best of all, this is not the first cheesy YouTube video Juan Pablo has made about a significant other! Buzzfeed noticed that Juan Pablo made a similar video for his ex-wife/baby mama back in 2009. Check it out after the jump! [Buzzfeed] Keep reading »
Normally, the two-hour finale of “The Bachelor” and the subsequent hour of “After the Final Rose” are bloated with filler scenes and not-at-all exciting revelations. Even though this season of “The Bachelor” has been unlike any other, in that, you know, Juan Pablo Galavis is not fit to marry anyone and has been all-around terrible, I thought we got the full extent of his doucheitude in every other episode, and this one would be fairly boring and tame. After all, it’s been obvious for weeks that — SPOILER ALERT! – he was going to choose Nikki in the end and Clare was going to be “left brokenhearted.” Well consider me very, very surprised that I found all three hours of last night’s episode to be a complete car wreck of delights. Let’s review the episode’s best and worst moments and then celebrate that Juaaaaaan-uary is finally fucking over. Keep reading »
Well, “The Bachelor” has kind of duped me again. It’s my fault for thinking there was even a chance that last night’s “nightmare fantasy suite” episode would live up to the hype of the teasers, but alas, Andi did not break up with Juan Pablo because he tried to pull a switcheroo and stuck it in her butt during the overnight dates. While that may have happened — girlfriend is walking kinda slowly the morning after (as you’ll see in a clip after the jump) — Andi’s reason for dumping Juan Pablo was the sudden realization that he’s a self-absorbed, uninteresting douchebag. Um … it took until the second to last episode to figure that out? Maybe not! After the jump, my assessment of last night’s debacle — which included a lengthy fight over whether Juan Pablo would use the word “default” (I’m serious!) — and some thoughts on who the next “Bachelorette” could be. Keep reading »
Welp, after 18 seasons of “The Bachelor” (and nine seasons of “The Bachelorette”), I think I might be ready to throw in the towel on the entire franchise. I know, what took me so long? “The Bachelor” has always been a satisfying guilty pleasure, but this season, with the casting of Juan Pablo Galavis, I was actually expecting to be a little more emotionally invested. I liked Juan Pablo, based on what little we knew of him from his appearance on the previous season of “The Bachelorette.” But oh, how the sexy has fallen. In addition to revealing in an interview that he’s a big ol’ homophobe in real life, on screen Juan Pablo has turned out to be a big ol’ stinker. And after last night’s episode, I’m finally ready to say that he’s the most sexist, slut-shaming, hypocritical “Bachelor” the show has ever had. Here are just four reasons why. Keep reading »
I was overjoyed when ABC picked Juan Pablo Galavis to be this season’s “Bachelor.” Finally, a “Bachelor” that I wanted to bang! But also, Juan Pablo seemed funny and sweet and charming, and his status as a single dad to an adorable daughter was pretty hot too. But in the first few episodes of this season, my affection for Juan Pablo started to wane; there was something unnecessarily judgmental about the way he gave Victoria the heave-ho when she got excessively drunk on a group date. While her behavior was embarrassing and uncalled for, and she and Juan Pablo were clearly incompatible, I didn’t think the emphasis on how she wouldn’t be a good influence on his daughter was necessary. I was starting to get the sense that Juan Pablo might hold some conservative beliefs that conflict with my own.
Turns out, he definitely does. In an interview with The TV Page, Galavis called gay people “more pervert in a sense,” and said he was against the show ever having an opening gay or bisexual contestant. Keep reading »
Dare I say it, but last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” — which I livetweet every week from The Frisky’s Twitter account — might have been the darkest episode in the show’s history. Yes, I said “darkest.” I mean, not “Sons of Anarchy” dark, but the episode was more depressing than usual, and not because it featured a gaggle of women, desperate for love, fighting over one dude. No, last night’s episode was depressing because, during a group date, one bachelorette was coerced into getting “naked” for a photoshoot, while another got so wasted that she ended up having a crying freakout in the bathroom. Keep reading »
I knew Sharleen was going to be the oddest bird “The Bachelor” ever did see. On last night’s premiere, I was shocked to see Juan Pablo decide to give his first impression rose to well-traveled opera singer, Sharleen. The smart girl who reads Haruki Murakami gets the rose for once? What show am I watching?! I thought. And then my mouth really dropped when Sharleen was very clearly unhappy and weirded out about getting the rose, because she wasn’t feeling Juan Pablo as much as he was feeling her. So uncomfy was Sharleen that I almost expected her to turn it down and walk out the door in favor of doing math problems or something. I predicted yesterday that Sharleen wouldn’t have a shot at the final rose and she still doesn’t — because she won’t want it. Clip above!