As has become tradition, last night, ABC announced that a cast member from Desiree Hartsock’s season of “The Bachelorette” would be the next “Bachelor.” I anticipated that this would be the case, but I didn’t dare get my hopes up that the reality tv dating show’s producers would actually select a guy I liked to be their latest hunk — without fail, they pick one of the guys I was bored to tears by. Jason Meznick, Bob Guinney, Sean Lowe … yawn. Surely, ABC would continue to pick the safe option and recruit Drew or Zak, with their schmaltzy love songs and sob stories, to be the next “Bachelor.” But something crazy happened — ABC actually picked someone I, and the rest of America if I’m being honest, wants to fuck.
Ladies, the next “Bachelor” is Juan Pablo Galavis, the Venezuelan former soccer player and single father of a young daughter. That sound you hear? Panties. Dropping. Keep reading »