Posts tagged "john devore"

Mind Of Man: Men Are From Bacon, Women Are From Cupcakes

Men don’t have a passion for sweet treats the way women do. If given a choice between a sugary confection and something savory, men will choose the latter. This is not some kind of random, sweeping gender generalization I just made up. I have scientific proof. Like many big cities, New York has seen the…

By: John DeVore / October 21, 2010

Mind Of Man: Regular Men Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans

I can’t wear skinny jeans, because I have beefy man legs, mighty logs of muscle and sinew, the end product of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Ancient man spent his days running from prehistoric beasts, jumping with simian fury and squatting around the fire. Here’s a short list of the men who ca…

By: John DeVore / October 13, 2010

Mind Of Man: What My Sister Taught Me

My big sister's favorite game to play with me as a child was a simple one that I’ll just call “Lure John into the dark basement, then race up the stairs and lock the door.” It was a game that I always lost, and she always won. I’d beg her to open the door, and…

By: John DeVore / October 6, 2010

Mind Of Man: How To Compliment A Naked Man

How do you compliment a naked man? You don’t. The Golden Rule of Sex is usually do others as you would have them do you, but not in this case. Women enjoy sincere compliments in the bedroom. Not over-rehearsed grunts or snippets of porno dialogue like “Oh baby, you’re so baby, baby.” In my personal…

By: John DeVore / September 29, 2010

Mind Of Man: We Judge You Because Of Your Awful Boyfriend

Hi. I just met your boyfriend. He’s a goatsack, but I don’t blame him. Doucheberries are born, not made. However, I judge you, because you’re supposed to be smarter than this. If the girlfriend of a friend of mine is a soulless sorority monster with vodka gills, I usually think “she must lick a mea…

By: John DeVore / September 22, 2010

Mind Of Man: What Men Now Know About Women

Gillian Telling, author of the book Dirty Girls: The Naked Truth About Our Guilty Secrets (Unpretty, Unclean, and Utterly Horrifying), recently wrote that women “don’t consider drunk kissing cheating, as long as we’re the ones doing the drunk kissing. We consider sex with another man cheating.” This was number 19 on her list of “20…

By: John DeVore / September 8, 2010

Mind Of Man: I Want A Ladyflower For A Day

If I could, I’d swap my penis for a vagina. Just for a day. I’m both physically and emotionally attached to my urinary and reproductive pleasure nodule. But I’d be lying if I wrote that I’m not curious as to what it’s like to have a secret garden. This curiosity does not call into questio…

By: John DeVore / September 1, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why Can’t Men Have Teddy Bears?

A recent study by British hotel chain Travelodge has found that 25 percent of men take teddy bears on the road with them when they travel for business. These men report that their stuffed animals remind them of home and the significant others they have to leave behind. This is a shocking survey to many…

By: John DeVore / August 25, 2010

Mind Of Man: The One Thing I Love About Myself

It’s “Love Yourself Week” here on The Frisky, and I totally misinterpreted what that meant. So instead of writing about socks and lube and "True Blood, I’m going to write about platonically loving myself. I’ve read my sister-from-another-mister Amelia’s epic post about the things she loves about herself, and I just read Jessica’s excellent piece.

By: John DeVore / August 18, 2010

Mind Of Man: Facebook Has Made Us All Stalkers

I once stalked a woman I had gone on one date with the old-fashioned way – I stared at her from a distance in a public park. Judge me if you must, but as the ancient rhyme goes: I am mirrored underwear, you are laser gun. Whatever you say reflects off of me and shoot…

By: John DeVore / August 11, 2010

Mind Of Man: Don’t Call It A “Man Purse”

It’s not a “man purse,” pal. Nor is it a “murse,” or a “crapsack,” or a “scrote bag.” If you must call it a satchel, fine. But your clever putdowns don’t emasculate me. I need this … portable gear container made out of dead cow hide that hangs from my mighty shoulders by a strap.

By: John DeVore / August 4, 2010

Mind Of Man: You Are Not “Single” — You Are Ronin

“Single” does not mean “Unloved.” "Single” means “I’m making myself a magical pot of pasta and re-watching season three of 'The Wire.' What are you bringing to my dope-ass party?””Those are our cosmic marching orders from the top down: Beget while the begetting is good. If the universe is such a smarty, why did it…

By: John DeVore / July 28, 2010

Mind Of Man: Nix Sex With An Ex

Sex with an ex is a really bad idea. Whoever came up with the concept of “breakup sex” was either a pathetic masochist or just lazy. Breakup sex isn’t just “one more for the road.” It’s being given a delicious cupcake, then having it slapped out of your mouth. Breakup sex is a fluffy, comfy…

By: John DeVore / July 21, 2010

Mind Of Man: What’s Your Sign?

Call me The Brostrologer. I can tell how a woman will be in bed just by finding out her astrological sign. It’s true. I’m not a student of astrology. I actually know very little about it. To me, stars are just what your father stole from the sky and put in your eyes. They are…

By: John DeVore / July 14, 2010

Mind Of Man: How To “Talk” To Your Man

Brevity is the soul of relationship talks. The shortest distance between two hearts is a straight line. Don’t be a blabbercheeks. I don’t think I’m being clear: When you are discussing important issues with your significant other, keep the conversation short and sweet and to the point. One of the great male stereotypes is that…

By: John DeVore / July 7, 2010

Mind Of Man: I Want To Grow A Sweet Mustache

I always wanted to grow a mustache. Fearsome pimp whiskers. To me, the mustache is to masculinity what long, flowing tresses are to femininity. Aphrodite’s long hair was the source of her sexual authority, which she’d comb while sitting inside her pet oyster “Chester.” Aries, God of the pointy phallus and the shield, wore a…

By: John DeVore / June 30, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why Men Use The “G” Word

I recently made a gay joke, and I should know better. Actually, I made two, and one of the jokes backfired. For guys, the term “gay” is an adjective that means “not masculine.” Chamomile tea? Gay. "Wicked: The Musical"? Gay. Capri pants? Gay. In the new bombshell Rolling Stone article about General Blabber and hi…

By: John DeVore / June 23, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why Men Fly Solo

Recently, it has come to my attention that there are women out there curious about the self-love habits of the male species. (Specifically, a Frisky staffer who will probably get angry if I give her a shout-out in this post.) Since I have opined about female masturbation, it seems only fair that I pontificate o…

By: John DeVore / June 16, 2010

Mind Of Man: Funny Women Are A Natural Resource

According to highly scientific polls, 15 percent of women think staring is cheating, 45 percent have tried the “fingernail” diet, and 99 percent rate a sense of humor as the sexiest trait a man can have (the remaining 1 percent picked “sparkle”). When such pop statisticians ask men the same question, they usually respond “boobs.”…

By: John DeVore / June 9, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Best Part Of Breaking Up

The best part of a breakup is wallowing. There are five stages immediately following a breakup, and they aren’t denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are as follows: shock, blubbering, wallowing, staring blankly at walls, and finally, dancing. The final stage is usually preceded by a music montage featuring upbeat adult contemporary music, a…

By: John DeVore / June 2, 2010