• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are back together, according to People and Us Weekly. [Dlisted]—Yeah, she’s that pathetic, and he probably has another project to sell.
• Kimora Lee brought adorable baby Kenzo Lee Hounsou to work with her recently. [OK! Magazine]—His cuteness almost melted the coldness that has crept into my heart. Almost.

“Rumor check: went to gay bar in Palm Springs, yes. Had a blast. Danced my face off. Someone there planted a kiss on me? No. I don’t like the story painting gays as unable to control themselves. Found the crowd even more respectful than in a straight club. You know who the most flamboyant crowd is? Straight, drunk girls. They’re like a bunch of little Charles Nelson Reillys.”

— John Mayer, who once made out with blogger Perez Hilton, doing what he can to dispel rumors he had another gay kiss recently. [via US Weekly]

John Mayer has been trying to make Jennifer Aniston his girlfriend again. They always come back, don’t they ladies? First he dumped her via text message last August (ouch!) and then, after a brief reunion, broke up with her again in March. Apparently, now John has been begging her for another chance. The balladeer has gone boo-hoo for his Hollywood honey.

Sure, our own Erin and conventional wisdom say that in life you only get one chance. But in love, there are no rules. However, there is good advice, not to mention learning from your mistakes. That’s why I’m going to share with you the biggest relationship mistake I ever made.

Yesterday, after John Mayer headed to Twitter to shoot down rumors that he and Kristin Cavallari are dating, we shared with you one of the hilarious things he twoted about her. “My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli,” he said. But upon further exploration, we’ve noticed that is not the only amazing euphemism for sex that he wrote in this particular exchange. Here are some others:

• “I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari [sic] with my penis.”
• “We have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.”
• “I have never Bensoned her Hedges.”
• “Nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.” [Twitter]

That Mayer is all class. Care to pick a favorite sex descriptor?

Yesterday, after Fall Out Boy singer Patrick Stump was arrested for driving without a license, John Mayer admitted he’d been arrested for the same offense and then Twittered a challenge to Harvey Levin at TMZ: “produce my mugshot, [and] I will donate 25k to the charity of [your] choice.” He even gave a hint: “in the first half of the naughts, in the home of the Brave.” Mayer, it turns out, had been arrested in May 2001 in Atlanta (the case was dismissed the following month). TMZ did manage to score the mugshot, but The Smoking Gun beat them by about five minutes in publishing it. Still, John never said TMZ had to be the first site to produce the photo. So, true to his word, he coughed up $25,000 to be split between the two charities TMZ chose (Pet Orphans and Ace of Hearts, two animal shelters in California). Call it a creative publicity stunt, but I say it’s nice to see a celebrity arrest result in such a happy ending. [via TMZ]

I never understood how John Mayer gets so many women: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Jennifer Aniston. Then, the September issue of Elle Decor arrived in my mailbox with Mayer’s New York City apartment on the cover. Sure, he got a little help from Giorgio Armani, but Mayer has it going on in the apartment department. His pad is simple, chic, and all grown-up. “I steer clear of bravado,” he told Elle Decor. “It detracts from who you really are.” This is a maxim he seems to have applied to his home decor—but not other aspects of his life. [ELLE Decor]

We’re not the only ones who aren’t especially feeling loads of sympathy for Perez Hilton. John Mayer and Perez have been tweeting back and forth all day, with Mayer (who denied Perez’s claim that the two made out) basically suggested that Perez has something to learn from the incident. Hilton haters like Travis McCoy (of Gym Class Heroes) and Kirstie Alley have expressed downright glee. And Kelly Clarkson? Well she just laughed. Check out her radio interview above and keep clicking to read some of what the celebrity Twitterverse has to say about the Perez Hilton assault.

People‘s Hottest Bachelors issue hits newsstands this Friday, and we’ve got the list. Among the supposedly best looking eligible men in Hollywood are few gentlemen who simply don’t do it for us. The offenders, after the jump.

Reading celebrity Twitters is like flipping to US Weekly‘s “They’re Just Like Us!” section. They whine about bad TV, do battle with technology, and wonder what other people think of them. This week, Nicole Richie’s Blackberry broke, John Mayer was busy, James Franco saw “Star Trek”, Samantha Ronson watched MTV, Karl Lagerfeld tried to make us feel better about buying his clothes, and Mindy Kaling may or may not have gone to Paris for a boob job.

“I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn’t.”

—John Mayer via Twitter

John Mayer celebrated his night-o-kisses by performing a dance outside of nightclub MyHouse in Hollywood. [TMZ]

Ah, Easter! If Jesus were alive today, we’re pretty sure he would Twitter like Diddy because, really, it’s the best way to get the word out. Since we can follow Jesus, but not on Twitter, we’ll have to ask our favorite celebrities what they would do. Here’s how John Mayer, Martha Stewart, Ashton and more got their God on…

It was a big weekend on Twitter! Lindsay Lohan dumped SamRo via a tweet, then accused her of doing drugs and cheating, before getting locked out of her house. Wah! Plus, Diddy watched porn whilst eating cornflakes, Nicole Richie gushed about her Prince Charming, and John Mayer took a bath. Guess it should come as no surprise that these publicity loving celebs hold nothing back when they tweet… More screengrabs, after the jumps…

The latest installment in the saga that is poor Jennifer Aniston’s love life is the news that she dumped sappy John Mayer because of his Twitter obsession. Apparently, John had been blowing off Jen for a while, claiming he was just too busy working to hang with her. When Aniston found out he wasn’t too busy to update Twitter every few minutes around the clock, she was livid. How to make sure you don’t suffer a similar fate? Pay attention to these top ten signs your significant other is becoming obsessed with Twitter, after the jump.

***According to me

We’ve already discussed the clever use of girl-on-girl as a go-to publicity stunt for celebrities. But it’s not the only shady tactic used by Hollywood to garner interest in stars whose popularity is waning or in film, tv, and music projects that might otherwise go unnoticed. After the jump, five recent “celebrity” stories that I think are totally fake and carefully concocted.