• Nicole Richie‘s lawyer repeatedly referred to Joel Madden as “your husband” while questioning her during a protective order hearing against a a few paparazzi. [E! Online]—Hmmm.
• Adriana Lima and her NBA husband Marko Jaric have welcomed a baby girl to their family. [PopEater]—Did someone say supermodel?
• Chris Brown says he’s not ready to date yet. [People]—Actually, no one is ready to date him yet.

“It reminded me of the Johnny Cash song ‘A Boy Named Sue.’ My worry raising a son in Hollywood is what will he have to struggle for? I wanted to give him a name that he’s going to have to stand up for. I love it; I think it’s a beautiful name.”

—Joel Madden on why he and Nicole Richie named their son “Sparrow” to People. I have to say, I kind of love this explanation. What do you guys think? [The Hollywood Gossip]

Happy hump day! For this joyously slow news week, the tabloids were more random than ever, reminding us that no news is not reason enough to not print the news. Instead, it is reason enough to create something better than truth: intrigue. So, in an effort not to gather facts, but to create an even better existence based on subtle hints and unnamed sources, we’ve read every tabloid and picked the most interesting stories to share with you.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden looked a little prom-y at the Noble Humanitarian Awards. His tie and highlights make him look as if he were an afterthought when they were deciding what to wear. But what do you think? Is there ever an appropriate time to match to your date? [10/18/09, Beverly Hills]

Nicole Richie gave birth to a healthy baby boy this morning. She and boyfriend Joel Madden named the little tyke ... wait for it ... Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Now, Sparrow might have been cute for a little girl, but for a little boy? That s**t won’t fly (heehee) on the playground. Whatevs. Congrats! [DListed]

Everybody thinks they can design clothes nowadays. Jessica Simpson wants to launch a curvy fashion line; Beth Ditto is coming out with her own plus-size line of clothing; and Daisy Fuentes is launching a reasonably priced line at WalMart. But the biggest trend right now seems to be celebrity fathers getting into the fashion biz and launching children’s clothing lines. Fashion may not be their calling, but their children have inspired them so much that they are taking a chance on launching what they all seem to think will be trendy and fashion-forward with the kiddies…

Miley Cyrus is reportedly dating her 22-year-old backup dancer, Marshall. There hasn’t been an official confirmation on this, but the two have been caught flirting on camera, and there’s a photo of Miley kissing him on the cheek. Now, that’s only a seven-year age difference, but she’s 15. Has she even “become a woman” yet? After the jump, a few other underage celeb relationships—why don’t guys have relationships with older women when they’re under 18? Or do they, and nobody cares? [ThinkFashion]

There is a long list of things we would do to get John Cusack to want us, but dropping a scorpion down our pants seems a little extreme—even for a guy who is willing to hold a heavy old school boom box over his head.  But a brunette Hilary Duff, who is trying to go as dark as her hair, put a reptile under where? Down her hoo-ha in this clip from their new movie War, Inc.  While we thought having a creature pinchin’ and itchin’ down there, was an STD or at least a turn off, Hilary is using it as a turn-on.  Guess she’s had grosser things down there anyway, like Joel Madden.  [Egotastic]