Oh, the jokes just write themselves! Emily Blunt continued her bid to be my imaginary celeb best friend last night on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” telling a pretty great story about taking Scientology weirdo Tom Cruise to The Box nightclub in London for a live burlesque sex show. (“Disgusting” “loser” Matt Damon and Em’s husband John Krasinski were also there.) BTW, Emily’s Tom Cruise impression is subtle but fantastic.
Okay, so Drake did act like a giant baby after his Rolling Stone cover was nixed following Philip Seymour Hoffman’s sudden death. But this proves he can laugh at himself, so he’s back in my good graces: “Jimmy Kimmel Live” sent Drake out with a beard and a wig to ask people their feelings about Drake. Everyone, it turns out, hates Drake. They go on and on and on about how they don’t like Drake. And then he starts peeling his fake beard off and, well, you can imagine what happens next … [YouTube]
My most recent online date was pretty bad. The guy told a date rape joke, loudly criticized anyone who dared brush up against him at the bar, and went on a rant about hating fat people. But at least he didn’t text me a picture of his asshole afterwards. The same cannot be said for Kristin Wiig’s date, who accompanied her to a taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” after she accidentally double-booked. Awkward. (Also, if Kristen Wiig is my OK Cupid competition, I’m even more screwed.)
New baby daddy Channing Tatum stopped by Jimmy Kimmel last night to promote his latest film, “White House Down,” and was happy to talk about spending time with daughter Everly. “You never have enough time,” said my new favorite DILF. “You walk out of the room to go to the bathroom and that’s time lost.” Swooooon! He also joked with Jimmy about the song, “(I Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum,” which has made his name forever synonymous with, uh, splooge. “It’s weird that I’ve destroyed my own name, like I’ve just completely like wrecked it,” he laughed. Check out the interview (in two parts) above!
I seriously cannot get enough of Miley Cyrus. I do not know what it is. It would be far more in my nature to find her near constant identity makeover insufferable. But I don’t. I like her. She’s weird. I mean, on last night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” she talked all about her family’s love of donkeys. This speaks to me. She also gave Jimmy a bunch of ridiculous explanations for her bizarro new video. The tl;dr is she was totally high with Snoop Lion. Anyway, yeah, she’s totally jacking Rihanna’s look (baseball jacket, thigh-high boots, gold chains), and she throws around words like “homies” and “swag” so seriously, but I don’t know, I dig Miley’s vibe. I’ve done drunk the Miley-Aid. Watch her interview above (in two parts) and check out her performance of her seriously fly new single, “We Can’t Stop,” after the jump!
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“Morrissey is thankful for being invited to perform on Jimmy Kimmel Live tomorrow, February 26. However, he cannot morally be on a television program where the cast members of Duck Dynasty will also be guests. Morrissey would be honored to play the show, if ‘Duck Dynasty’ were removed.”
–Morrissey on why you won’t be seeing him on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” The staunch vegetarian refused to do the show after learning that members of the cast of “Duck Dynasty” would also be on the episode. “Duck Dynasty,” if you hadn’t guessed, is a show about a family that makes duck calls for duck hunters. God bless your crazy vegetarian ass, Morrissey. [Morrissey Official]