jesus

Korean Jesus Is Crossfit Jesus

Today I learned that in Korea, Jesus has insane obliques. Look at those things!

No one seems to know exactly where in Korea this crucifix lives, but we do know that it seems unlikely that a carpenter who spent most of his time helping people out, performing miracles, and delivering sermonsMore »


Marco Rubio’s Recent ‘Town Hall’ Was Just Forty Minutes Of Self-Affirmations

It’s really only befitting to his #Brand that Rubio’s recent “Town Hall”  featured no audience questions, which defeating the whole purpose of a Town Hall. More »


Face Of Lemmy Appears On Woman’s Ultrasound

Fine–she says it’s Jesus, but it looks way more like Lemmy to us. More »


Sarah Palin: Jesus Loves Guns!

In her most recent generous frenzy of fanaticism, Sarah Palin declared that not only is her pro-Gun stance in line with Biblical Christianity, but it is an exact echo of Jesus’ teachings while he walked the earth.

She quoted Luke 22:36-38 which says:
“He said to them: But now if you haveMore »


Kim Davis’ Husband Gives Speech, Remains Committed To This Whole Overalls Bit

Do you think his closet is just, like, all overalls? More »


Lady Pulls Tampon Out Of Bible, Goes On Weird Anti-Gay Rant

What on earth even is this? More »


Madonna’s Social Media Manager Is Out Of His Or Her Damn Mind With This #RebelHeart Hashtag

You know how the heart emoji was the most popular word of 2014? After viewing Madonna’s Twitter timeline, I’m convinced that she single-handedly made it so.
In an effort to promote her forthcoming album, Rebel Heart, Madonna has apparently hired a 15-year-old to handle her social media accounts, and that 15-year-old is splattering her… More »


When Jared Leto Met Jesus Christ

I assume they discussed ombre maintenance and the best filtering systems for turning water into wine. [Twitter] … More »


Life Dream Status: “Miracle Machine” Turns Water Into Wine

It might soon be much easier for all of us to become a little more Christ-like, if only in the “being able to turn water into wine” department. As you’ll see in this infomercial/informational video (seriously though, why is there a fireplace in the background? weird vibes), a tech entrepreneur and a wine expert have… More »


Evening Quickies: TV Broadcasters Ready And Waiting For Jesus’ Return

I thought this was an Onion headline, but I was mistaken: two American TV broadcasters have acquired studio space in Jerusalem so they have a prime spot for when Jesus returns. Christian broadcasters Daystar Television Network and Trinity Broadcasting Network will be there on the scene in case Christ returns to the Earth in… More »


Woman Sees Jesus In Bathroom Mold

For most people, bathroom mold is a cross to bear.

For Chyenna Richards in Houston, it’s a sign that God is truly everywhere — including her shower stall.

“People say your house is blessed,” Richards told KRTK-TV. “I see the head, the hair, a cloak.”

Where others see the… More »


15 Really Weird Places Jesus Has Appeared

A Florida woman is reporting that she spotted Jesus on an episode of the “The Bachelor.” It wasn’t even the new season though, it was Brad Womack’s season, so I’m suspicious. What channel was airing that this week? And how convenient that this news be released during the week of the premiere of Emily Maynard’s… More »


Christian Victoria’s Secret Model Quits On Account Of Jesus

In 2009, Victoria’s Secret launched a nationwide competition to seek out their newest Angel. Out of 10,000 real-girl applicants, all voted upon by fans online, only one emerged victorious: the then-19-year-old Kylie Bisutti, a newlywed Californian who then walked in the annual show alongside the established Angels. To most aspiring models, this would be a… More »


Jesus Appears On Walmart Receipt

If you know God, would you realize it if you saw him … staring back at you from your Walmart receipt.? South Carolina couple, Jacob Simmons and Gentry Lee Sutherland, believe so. When they returned from church on Sunday morning, the face of the Lord mysteriously materialized on a Walmart receipt, which had… More »


Finger-Banged By Jesus

If this was what happened at church every Sunday, I would actually go. Just sayin’… [Buzzfeed] … More »


Today’s Lady News: Don’t Abort The Next Son Of God, Ladies!

Be careful, pro-choice, ladies: you could be aborting the next son of God! [USA Today]
A source claims Google gave a $6 million bonus to a female engineer who was simultaneously being wooed by Facebook and Google reportedly wanted to diversify the dude-liness of their team. [Gawker]
If you haven’t watched this video of a… More »


Jesus Christ Is Coming To Comedy Central

Even though Mohammed’s cameo on “South Park” didn’t go over so well, Comedy Central is prepared to show that it doesn’t discriminate when it comes to offending religious groups. Next on their list? Christians. Mr. Jesus Christ himself is going to be starring in his own series called “JC,” from the producers of “The Office” More »


Catholic School Rejects Preschooler Over Lesbian Parents

We are so happy people are protesting this bigotry: A nursery school at Sacred Heart of Jesus Catholic School, in Boulder, Colorado, will not admit one of their preschoolers because the child’s parents are lesbians. The Archdiocese of Denver issued a statement about the refusal, which said: “To preserve the mission of our schools, and… More »


Do You Accept Lindsay Lohan As Your Lord And Personal Savior?

Lindsay Lohan poses as Jesus on the cover of Purple, a fashion magazine, surely pissing off the last three people on earth who still like her.

Also, didn’t Kanye do this, like, five years ago? [E! Online] … More »


“Sexy” Nativity Scene In Shop Window Pisses Off L.A.

The people of Los Angeles have their panties in a knot after Madison, a clothing store on Robertson Boulevard, scoffed at good taste and depicted a “sexy nativity scene” in their store windows. The Virgin Mary lies in the hay with her legs provocatively posed, the baby Jesus sits nestled in her lap, and the… More »


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