VITAL STATS
Born: January 15, 1988, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Sun Sign: Capricorn
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Scorpio
Mercury: Aquarius
Venus: Aquarius
Mars: Scorpio

Madonna’s much-anticipated music video for her song “Celebration” is out today and it features her undressing and making out with real-life boy toy Jesus Luz. The dancing boys in the video are pretty fly and Madonna is definitely still freaky-deaky herself. I could have done without the millions of Madge crotch shots, but I’m happy Madonna is sticking to what she’s good at—bangin’ club jams.

The folks behind the new Ona Saez ad campaign made so many questionable, er, “creative decisions” that we’re not sure where to begin. So let’s jump off from the most obvious point: Who approved the concept of a Jesus Luz love-fest? Why did it ever seem like a good idea to turn the Brazilian brand’s ad campaign into one massive blow job homage to Madge‘s boy toy? [Made in Brazil]

More [ridiculous] pics after the jump…

Madonna‘s plaything, Jesus Luz, has decided he’d like to become a professional deejay. According to the New York Post, Madge is working hard to help him get gigs so he can be more than “just a model.” He wants to become a DJ so he’s more than a model? I believe the social hierarchy favors models, Jesus. It’s like starting a handbag line 10 years ago (think: Monica Lewinsky). It’s something you don’t need talent to do if you’re semi-famous. After the jump, other celebrity DJs who have gifted us with their turntable stylings.

Sex sells and Madonna’s made 500 million bucks at it. But even M, one of the most lusted after women in the world and is the author of a porn tome simply called Sex, can get the brush off by a boy toy. In a recent interview, Jesus Luz, Madonna’s supposed future husband, said, “She is my friend, just a friend.” As if! Haven’t we all heard the “just friends” line once or twice? There’s plenty of bad news we’d rather hear from a guy that’s seen us naked than that kinda of buddy line. A bunch of not-so-hot things we’d rather hear from guy, after the jump…

“Another kid already?” —Sean Penn to Madonna, at the Oscar party she attended with new boyfriend, Jesus Luz, 22

For the March issue of W, Madonna gets all cougar-esque and heads to Rio de Janeiro for some hot and heavy time with boy toy Jesus Luz. Purportedly, Madonna and Jesus (with those names, they’re surely a match made in heaven—or, well, celebrity hell) were or are dating or canoodling or humping or whatever it is famous people do these days. Jesus is a model, and the two are seen cavorting in this bazillion-page layout in the Hotel Gloria in Brazil, where Steven Klein shot their pictures. At the time of the shoot, a Brazilian website opined: “Everyone knows they are ficando—which is a Portuguese expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship afterwards.” So much for A-Rod! Take that, Guy. Madonna is on the prowl. Mothers, lock up your manchildren. After the jump, what went on behind the scenes.