You’re a smart lady (or dude). You’re on the market for some self-tanner. Do you buy the typical Neutrogena stuff in the respectable bottle, sans glitter, sparkles or neon warnings? Or do you instead choose to coat your skin in a product endorsed and no doubt packaged with Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi in mind? I’m asking, because I’m trying to figure out what the target demo for Snooki’s new line of self-tanner might be. Precocious, belly-button-ringed 8-year-olds? Middle-aged moms clawing at their spent youth? Circus clowns and Midwestern grifters? Because for sure — give it six months — you’re going to find bottles and bottles of the stuff rotting away at dollar stores and discount centers, crusting over and near exploding from heat exposure. Right next to all the other Snooki-endorsed flip flops, sunglasses, and perfumes out there.
Tag Archives: jersey shore
If you haven’t seen enough of Snooki losing her s**t as of late— or her cooca for that matter — now you can bring a little piece of the “Jersey Shore” home. Thankfully, we don’t mean by way the way of crabs, but rather MTV.com’s three new “Jersey Shore” talking pens that can be yours today for the (t)winning price of $17.99! The voices of Pauly D, Snooki and The Situation are finally at your beck and call. Feeling down? Grab Snooki’s pen to release her classic “Waaaah!” Having trouble expressing what matters to you in life? The Situation has got your back: “If you don’t go to the gym, you don’t look good. If you don’t tan, you’re pale. And if you don’t do laundry, you ain’t got no clothes!” And you know which pen to grab if the cabs are here. They are available for your immediate satisfaction at MTV.com and … Walgreens. [MTV.com] Keep reading »
“Being kicked out of the club? Meatball problems! Burning your cooca in the Jacuzzi? Meatball problems!” When Toys ‘R Us makes a Snooki doll, this is what I want mine to say. Yes, on last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” Snooki and Deena got in an ice-cube throwing fight (!) at a club and got kicked to the curb on their leopard print-covered asses. But that’s nothing compared to the two (!!) fights The Situation tried to start. Well, three fights, if you count the spatula that Deena threw at his head after he yelled something misogynist at her.
After the jump, the good, the bad and the WTF on last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore”:
Squeaky-clean teen idol Joe Jonas is the last person we’d expect to have a dead on Situation impersonation. But when he visited Wendy Williams‘ show and they reenacted a drunk conversation between Sitch and Snooki — in costume! — I got the same creepy crawlies as I do with Mr. Michael Sorrentino himself. Definitely watch this one. [Popdust]
Oh, Mike. You’re such a creep. On last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” Mike tries to teach Snooki a lesson (his choice of words) by spreading the rumor that he or his friend called Jionni to tattletale about their alleged hookup. It’s hard to say whether doing that, or letting Snooki think he did that, is the more douchey thing to do.
So, thanks to him, we learned a new Jerseylicious acronym: GTD or “Gym, Tan, Drama.” Though GTD could just as easily be “Gym, Tan, Domestic Violence,” because Snooki freaked the f**k out on Mike and chucked like 12 wine bottles at his head.
Now, what The Situation did to her was bad. Really bad. But for the love of gelato, that was insane. Snooki is like the new Ronnie, which is to say an emotionally-stunted caricature of an adult human being.
Wondering what your high school boyfriend’s going to be wearing to Prom this year? Look no further than Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s new line of tuxedos, FLOW Formalwear. Goes great with your boyfriend’s bitchin’ Camaro and his enviable economy-size tin of Dep hair gel. In case you’re clamoring for more fine styles of The Sitch’s FLOW collection (you are, I see you), you’re in luck! He’s graced us with a bevy of additional model shots, all featuring his signature “I am the human embodiment of a testicle” facial expression. Check ‘em out after the jump. Now, if only I could find my corsage… Keep reading »
In last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” Snooki learned some harsh truths about life. Namely, if you pull your dress up and show everyone your vagina in the club, your boyfriend will be angry at you. It’s a lesson we all must learn sooner or later, I suppose.
After the jump, the good, the bad , and the WTF moments of last night’s episode. Keep reading »
You’d think Anne Hathaway would be happy with hosting the Oscars and getting nominated once herself. But no, that bitch is hungry for more! Watch her secret “Jersey Shore” audition tape here, as well as the ones by Paul Rudd and Dennis Haysbert. And please, wear a bikini in the hot tub. [Team Coco]
What a hot mess. No, I’m not talking about last night’s “Jersey Shore” episode — I’m talking about Snooki. The gang took a weekend trip to Riccione; it’s a beach town that’s supposed to be the Seaside Heights of Italy, only it’s a million times classier. Most of the house wants to enjoy the beach and the beautiful weather. Snooki and Deena, though, plunged face-first into daytime drinking and exhibitionistic foolishness with such enthusiasm that they pissed off the other roommates before it was even dark out. I don’t blame them! Babysitting drunk meatballs is not how I’d want to spend my vacation, either.
I think I’m over Snooki. Like, over. Every irresponsible and crappy thing she does isn’t her fault and she doesn’t deserve. Talk about entitlement. She’s like a little orange Lindsay Lohan. Find out more about why I’m finished, after the jump: Keep reading »
I say questionable because I’m questioning what it is. I mean, clearly it is a crown — and not a princess-y crown either, but one a queen would wear — on top of a bow. But, like, why? What is it saying about her? That she is Queen Hair Bow, ruler of the “Jersey Shore”? I can see the two elements making sense as separate, if ugly, body art, but the crown on top of the bow is strange. Who wears a crown on top of a bow? Seems to defeat the purpose of the bow, no? Maybe I am thinking too much about this. It’s Monday, my brain is working overtime. [Hollywood Hiccups] Keep reading »