There I was, minding my own (lady-)business, happily masturbating with my Laya Spot, when the cat hopped up on the bed. He rubbed against my leg, purred, made eye contact with me. Held eye contact with me.
That’s it: the moment is killed. I can’t get it off when the cat is in my bed, certainly not while we’re making eye contact.
Unfortunately, domesticated animals are not the only ways Nature conspires against us from enjoying some very special alone time. Ranked from tolerable to worst, here are all the crappy ways to end a masturbation session:
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We loved Nick Stahl in the too-short HBO series Carnivale, and man, has that guy had a strange year. He was missing, then found, then missing again. And now, just Thursday evening, he was caught masturbating in a Hollywood adult video store. Cops arrested him and charged him with committing “lewd conduct,” which is a misdemeanor charge, and released him a few hours later. Stahl claims it was all a “misunderstanding.” As in, I misunderstood my dick for a writing utensil? Or, I misunderstood the difference between public and private? Ah, the world may never know.
But Nick is hardly the only celeb who’s ever been caught jerking off in public. Oh no, it’s verily an epidemic! Click through to see who else was found getting a bit too frisky in public.
Let’s get right to the point. This is the lede of an article in Cosmopolitan‘s October 2012 issue: “Julie, 29, has amazing orgasms. The catch? They’re with her vacuum cleaner.”
Julie*, whose name has been changed of course, continues:
One time, I was straddling it and noticed it felt good. The intense vibrations against my clitoris sent me over the edge and it’s become the only way I can get off.
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