Tag Archives: jealousy

Dubious Study Finds That Women React Aggressively Toward “Sexy” Peers

Ugh. The very last thing we (i.e. women) need is a “study” claiming to observe women’s snarky reactions to another woman dressed sexily. The lead author of the study begins with a quote that is concerning in and of itself: “I was convinced, having lived a life as a woman, that we’re not as pleasant as some people make us out to be.” Huh? I’ve never heard of anyone making women, as an entire gender, out to be pleasant. Tracy Vaillancourt, who is also the professor of psychology at University of Ottawa, invited 86 women to participate in a conflict resolution study, but she had a different agenda when she documented how the women reacted to a young female student entering the room in a certain outfit. Vaillancourt did not document the ages of the 86 women who partook in the study or, well, anything about them, only their responses to the student, who wore either a T-shirt and khakis or a low-cut top and mini skirt. Vaillancourt stated that “ninety-seven percent” of the women responded inappropriately to the student. To use the same scientific term that Vaillancourt herself uses, the reactions were bitchy. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Is My Friend Jealous Of My Career Options?”

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I recently received a job offer from the company I interned with this past summer for next June after I graduate. I’m not sure if I want to accept this offer (because I am still questioning what field I want to work in and whether I’d have the ability to transfer into another position from this one), so I asked some of my close friends for advice. One friend seemed to resent that I wasn’t completely gung-ho about accepting this offer. She was “unemployed” for less than a month after graduating before she accepted a full-time position in her desired field, ans seems to be pushing me to accept this position due to the high unemployment rate and the fact that most people don’t find their “perfect job” upon graduation. She even went so far to say that I should accept the offer and keep looking, which I find ethically immoral. In addition, she got very upset that I didn’t feel blessed for receiving the offer or was somehow spoiled for being able to be choosy in my decision. This is a choice that will impact the next three years of my life, at the very least!

I know she is employed in a position she feels is outside of her desired field and is looking for a new job, but I do not feel that she is being supportive of the way I choose to live my life or empathizing with the decisions that I am trying to make. Was she just venting or jealous of my freedom of choice when it comes to my career prospects, or is there a deeper rift forming in our relationship, Wendy?— Job Hunter Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Won’t Quit Working With His Ex!”

I decided to take a break from a six months relationship with my boyfriend. We did not establish any term or rules regarding the break, and he didn’t ask me how long the break would be. He said that he wished I would have told him the reasons for the break earlier as he would have done something about it. The reason for the break is that he sees his ex-girlfriend at work every day. He admits that this is a problem and that if it were the other way around (me working with my ex) it would bother him as well. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Jealous Of My Boyfriend’s Friendship With His Ex”

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend of a year, who also happens to be friends with all of his friends. They all hang out often and I see that they still talk over text messages and in person. I really feel uncomfortable and that it’s unfair that he’s still friends with her when he has told me it would be easier on our relationship if I didn’t talk to my ex of three years. I’ve only met this girl once and she has introduced herself to me but it doesn’t change how I feel about their friendship. I don’t know if I trust him or believe that he does not have feelings for her anymore. How can I ask him if he still loves her or tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable without coming off like a complete psycho? — Ex Files

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Dear Wendy: “What’s The REAL Reason He Doesn’t Want To Date Me?”

A week ago I met a really nice guy and we hit it off right away. We both are newly single and expressed to one another that we were just looking for someone to go out and spend time with. We went on our first official date a couple of days ago and it went very well. I was pretty certain that we’d see each other again because at certain moments during the date he would make references to future dates. Well, a few hours after the date he texted me saying that while he had a nice time with me and liked me he wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment and wanted to keep his options open. He also said that he felt like if we continued to see one another we’d likely end up in a serious relationship, and that that’s not what he wants right now. I know the answer here should be obvious to me, but it just really sucks! I have never connected this soon with someone before and we had a great first date and I could tell he was into me, but now suddenly I’m rejected because he likes me too much? He said he didn’t want to hurt me and that I deserve a lot more than he can give me right now. Do you think he was he being genuine and really looking out for me? Or was this just his way of saying he’s not into me without actually saying it? — Bummed After First Date

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Sweet Jealous Vs. Crazy Jealous: A Primer

As just about any episode of “Jersey Shore” can prove, there’s nothing more poisonous to a relationship than unbridled jealousy. (*cough* Ronnie and Sammi *cough*) Nothing is quite so off-putting as the insecurity that makes you not trust someone — or makes your partner think you can’t be trusted.

But let’s be honest: sometimes a little jealousy is appreciated. It shows he cares! I thought it was totally adorable last week when the dude I’m dating confessed to a bit of seeing green. We were at a party playing air hockey when a platonic male friend/former coworker of mine walked in. I stopped air hockey for a second and greeted my buddy warmly with a hug. Later on, my dude told me he felt a little twinge of jealousy watching me hug another guy (even though he knows we’re just friends). I thought, Aww, that’s silly — but cute that he cares! Even if jealousy isn’t always rational, it can be kind of sweet.

After the jump, a primer on “sweet jealous” versus “crazy jealous” — an important distinction: Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Can You Ever Truly Be Happy For Someone Else?

When I told my best friend I was happy for her because she was pregnant, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth was that her announcement ruined my day, my week and my self-esteem. It added pressure to my already pressurized mid-30s brain and kept me awake at night with images of celebrating birthdays, alone and bitter, while everyone else basked in the warmth and love of their self-made families.

A few years later, when I was pregnant, I felt too guilty to announce it to my single friends. One night, as I finally plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and share the news, I said to my husband, “Watch, as I ruin someone’s day.”

He looked at me in utter confusion. “What are you talking about?” he said. “They’re your friends. They’ll be happy for you.”

“There’s no such thing as being happy for somebody else,” I shrugged, and he looked at me like I had just announced that I was a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. Keep reading »

Do You Have A Hate Crush On Any Of Your Female Friends?

Female friendships can be complex and more often than not, they are. We asked 15 women from across the country to answer a question that is getting more attention recently: Do you have a hate crush on any of your female friends? The answers may surprise you. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m So Envious Of My BFF”

My roommate is awesome and one of my best friends. Whenever I need to talk to someone I go to her and vice versa. The only problem is, and I feel like a petty bitch for admitting this, all the guys want her. I can’t blame them because I love hanging out with her and she’s gorgeous. I know I’m not ugly and I make friends easily, but I can’t compete with her when it comes to guys. Whenever I am interested in a guy, he’s interested in her. She would never pursue anyone she thought I was into, but what’s the point if they are just into her anyways? The self-hatred becomes even stronger because of how jealous and resentful I get when it’s not even her fault. I am so afraid that one day I will just blow up at her and end up hating her. I tried talking to her about it once, but it just made her feel bad and then mad at me because she thinks I’m too hard on myself. I guess I am asking you how do I stop feeling jealous and resentful? How do I become OK with knowing that every time we go out the guys will want to talk to her and not me? I just want to hang out with my best friend and be happy. — Cute, But Note Cute Enough

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Dear Wendy: “I Got Hot And My Boyfriend Isn’t Happy About It”

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under two years. About eight months ago, I’d gained some weight, so I decided to get off my butt and start getting back into shape. Before, my boyfriend and I were both cute but decidedly chubby. Since then, I’ve lost about 30 lbs, my awkward hair grew out, and my skin has cleared up. I’ve always been very busty and didn’t lose any of it, and through sheer luck, I ended up with a “Joan Holloway”-type figure. For the first time in my life, I feel really confident and love my body, and it’s the first time I fit what’s considered attractive by society. My boyfriend, though, has become very insecure. He’s just as sexy and wonderful as the day I met him, but he seems to be obsessed with the thought of me leaving him for someone “hotter.” He constantly worries that people wonder why I’m with him. On top of that, I’ve started getting a lot of unsolicited male attention — not just the typical cat callers, but being checked out, smiled/waved at, etc, which makes my boyfriend sad and mopey. He worries about how visible my cleavage is, and discouraged me from buying a bikini, even though it was a modest vintage style one. Normally, this kind of behavior would earn him a breakup, but he’s never shown any questionable behavior in the past, and our sex life is as awesome as ever. Should I chalk it up to insecurity and give him a chance to get over it, while encouraging him and reminding him how much I want to be with him, or is this a dealbreaker? — Hotter Now

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