Tag Archives: jail

16 Reasons To Date a Convict

After checking out ConjugalHarmony.com, a mock online dating site feigning to connect prisoners with those on the outside, we gave the convict-dating phenomenon some closer inspection. The result? There are clearly a bunch of reasons not to date a man behind bars (enforced long-distance relationship, depression at his non-voter status in certain states… him being a CONVICT), but there are also some potential perks. Check them out after the jump. Keep reading »

The Daily Squeeze: “Twilight” Is Good For Business And Inmates Find A Way To Have Sex

  • Forks, WA, has had an unexpected surge in tourists, or rather Edward stalkers, who have been making pilgrimages to the town. [NPR]
  • In other “Twilight”-related news, Hot Topic reported an 11.4 percent increase in profits for the third quarter, helped largely by sales from its license with the movie. [DNR]
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    How Much Jail Time Might Shia LaBeouf Get?

    Shia LaBeouf was arrested on Sunday on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol. Now, he’s not the first celeb to be accused of driving while intoxicated. Above, see a handy chart showing how much time stars have served recently after being convicted of driving while drunk or on drugs. Most celebs get probation for their first offense, but since Shia had that incident in Walgreens, the judge might not be so nice. Our bet is that if Shia is convicted and sentenced to jail time, he’ll be on the lower end of the scale and serve approximately 85 minutes. [AP] Keep reading »

    Christian Bale Accused Of Assault: Batman Don’t Make Us Quit You

    So yeah. Batman. The Caped Crusader. The Dark Knight. In jail in London after being accused of assaulting his mother and sister. Bale turned himself in after the London screening of The Dark Knight — a deal he worked out in advance because officials said, “it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth.” Uh, okay. Anyway, this is depressing. We love Christian Bale. His deceased dad was married to Gloria Steinem for heaven’s sake, how could he actually assault two women?! Bale hasn’t responded to the assault charges yet, but we’ll keep you posted. [Sun U.K.]

    Update: Is it wrong that my heart did a little happy dance upon reading that Bale may have been arrested for verbal assault not physical? I mean, that’s less depressing right? [TMZ]
    Update Again: Sue me, I am obsessed. So it seems like this whole thing maybe was blown out of proportion. Bale’s sister and mom say they didn’t call the police to the scene of the “incident”. His sister called it a “family situation” that is extremely “sensitive”. FYI, I totally just learned him mom was a circus clown. Clowns are scary. The Joker looked like a clown. I wonder if there is a connection. Whatever, I am just so glad it looks like Batman isn’t a woman beater. [Us Weekly] Keep reading »

    What’s It Like Dating A Guy In Jail?

    “You look beautiful,” he says. He looks snuggly in his uniform: white t-shirt over a thermal shirt, green cotton pants and black Chinese slippers.

    I love theme parties. The theme for jail visits is “Modest Dress,” defined by the Jail Administration as no visible shoulders, cleavage, knees or toes. No sweatpants, nothing tight. I’ve discovered that they only seem to notice stretchy-tight — tailored-tight doesn’t read the same way– so I dress the way sluts did in my mother’s day: pencil skirt, satin blouse with buttons and darts. I put heels in my purse and wear sneakers because I have to take two buses and two trains. Jail is a large imposing building in the middle of nowhere.

    At the main entrance to jail there are lockers for purses, coats, wallets and keys. I give my ID to Officer Hunk, who is 6’4” and bass-voiced and all the ladies flirt with him. He checks it against Darling Boyfriend’s visitor list and hands me a receipt in triplicate.

    “You look beautiful,” he says. He looks snuggly in his uniform: white t-shirt over a thermal shirt, green cotton pants and black Chinese slippers.

    He’s awfully pale from being indoors. Behind him is the unit where he spends all of his time. It is two-tiered and looks like on TV.

    The counter is on his side too and we perch on it, our legs side by side, shouting to be heard through the grate in the frame of the window. Visits are 15 minutes long but if there’s no one waiting they can be much longer. It’s up to Curly to decide which visiting bay to shut down and when. Curly has a little crush on me so while the guards chase out other visitors Darling and I are left alone. We talk about what we’re reading, a trip we have planned for Vancouver this summer since my mom thinks he’s there now. I notice anew that he has the most perfect ears and artistic hands. These observations are accompanied by achingly physical recollections of private moments. We get ninety whole minutes together but eventually the knock comes. It’s hard to leave but best to exit promptly. We blow kisses, mouth ‘I love you’s. I leave jail grinning.

    Pig Gets Out Of Pen

    Hide your barely legal daughter, the Girls Gone Wild CEO is out of jail. After 11 months in prison, Joe Francis is as free as a drunk sorority girl at Mardi Gras. He posted $1.5 million dollars bond in Reno and will now stand trial for tax evasion in Florida. However that’s just the tip of the charges. What started as 73 indictments in Panama City for taping underage spring breakers has crumbled to only four felony and two misdemeanor charges and a civil suit by a group of seven women. The thirty-five year old millionaire claims the women lied about their ages and his lawyers promised none of their footage was used. He refuses to settle out of court because he insists his actions are all within the letter of the law and the judge was biased because his former business partner was the prosecuting attorney. So what’s our verdict? Legal mumbo jumbo aside, those chickadees did sign a contract in their urge to get on camera and now he’s paying the price for their 15 minutes. Sure it’s sad and gross that this is the way he makes his millions, but technically it’s legal. You can read the full sob story on Francis’ website. We doubt you’ll feel sorry for him — we don’t — but the whole mess seems like one enormous battle of the boobs. [Beijing News] Keep reading »

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