Pretty much everything about Kale and I getting married was untraditional. But we were actually quite traditional by not moving in together until a few days before our wedding.
Kale and I certainly weren’t opposed to premarital cohabitation on principle: both of us had lived with exes in long-term relationships before. We simply hadn’t been together long enough to move in together: we had only been dating for four months when we got engaged and got married just five weeks after that (yeah, we moved quick). Kale ending his lease in Brooklyn to move into my apartment in Queens a few days before our wedding was pure circumstance.
By cultural standards, the “getting married” part is supposed to be the huge change that occurred in my life. One minute I was filing my taxes solo and then — ba-bam! — I’m legally joined to another person by law. And to be sure, sponsoring Kale for immigration was also a significant event. But the honest truth is that the biggest change during that time, in terms of how it affected my life and how I had to adjust and grow as a person, was acquiring not just a new husband but a new roommate. Keep reading »
The small community of Solothurn, Switzerland, is having a crisis, and maybe you can help. You see, there’s a cave just outside of town, the Verena Gorge Hermitage, which for the past 600 years has been inhabited by a hermit (not a single immortal hermit, obviously, but a succession of hermits). The current hermit recently had to step down for health reasons (perhaps related to not getting enough sunlight? Just a thought) and now the town is scrambling to find a replacement to keep the hermit tradition alive. Unfortunately for introverts who are salivating at the prospect of getting paid to live in a cave and never talk to anyone, this hermit job is a decidedly social one. According to an ad the town placed in a local newspaper, “The new hermit should have a religious background, have an idealistic attitude, be willing to speak with the visitors and answer to their questions or give them advice.” But! If you can put up with advising tourists about the meaning of life, the gig does come with a free cave, a monthly salary of $1,140, and paid vacation. As far as hermit jobs go, this seems like a great one. [The Daily Beast]
A few years ago, I complained to a girl friend about how my then-boyfriend was getting on my nerves. I told her how we would be hanging out in his apartment on the weekend and I would ask for some “alone time” to read or go online. He would say okay, but couldn’t go for more than a few minutes before he would start chattering away to me as I sat on his couch with a book. I would ask him to please let me have some time alone; he would get angry that I, as he put it, “didn’t want him to talk” in his own home. I felt so frustrated that he wasn’t respecting, or perhaps fundamentally understanding, what “alone time” meant and why it was important to me.
“You are an introvert,” my friend told me. “You relax and recharge your batteries being by yourself and withdrawing inside your own head. It sounds like he’s an extrovert. That means relaxing and recharging means being with other people.”
Oh, I thought. No one had ever explained my personality to me quite like that before. I used to believe I had strange, inexplicable over-stimulation issues; I also used to think I was a “loner.” Deep down, though, I knew that word wasn’t correctly descriptive, because I have many friends and a close family. Fortunately my friend’s metaphor about recharging batteries made perfect sense. It’s not that I hate people or don’t have any friends; I just need to have quiet in my head to, well, recharge. Keep reading »