Don’t feel bad. “Game of Thrones” is confusing as hell. So many characters with weird names! So many powerful balding dudes! So many guys with luscious locks! So many characters with weird names having sex with powerful balding dudes and guys with luscious locks! It’s no wonder you can’t keep who’s fucked who straight. No matter. An infographic exists. Study up before tonight’s season premiere! [Cool Material]
A few months ago, I made a 100-point boyfriend checklist, and while some of the desired qualities listed were a little tongue in cheek, I was dead serious about wanting to find a man who would wipe his cum off me with a warm, wet washcloth. See, after years and years of being cleaned up by men clutching wads of cheap toilet paper, worn-out, dry washcloths, or, god forbid, MY OWN SILK SHIRT, the man for me will have the sense to wonder, Hmm, what would be the most pleasant manner of wiping away my splooge from the skin of the gorgeous woman I just made love to? Because any guy who did would not — would not – reach for the dirty sock on their floor. It’s up to you, fellas, what kind of guy you want to be, but for reference’s sake, here is the hierarchy of cum rags, in infographic form, according to me. You are so welcome.
The body shape descriptions used all too often by women’s magazines and fashion brands have always felt so limiting. I mean, I’m a little more bottom heavy than top heavy, but I don’t know that I would call myself a pear-shape. I don’t even really like pears. I prefer nectarines and red plums, if I’m being honest. Anyway, that’s why I appreciate the variety of body shapes presented in this lovely infographic from Gemma Correll posted on Medium. My body is seriously feeling like a Broken Slinky this morning, but I’m hoping a satisfying lunch will put me more in Badly Drawn Dolphin territory. [Medium]
According to the data collected from 10,000 users of the Spreadsheets sex app, which allows you to track various aspects of your sexual performance including thrusts per minute, duration and orgasmic decibel levels, the United States is not actually all that amazing at keeping the party going for much longer than your average commercial break. Congratulations (I guess) to the fine people of New Mexico who managed to pump for an average of 7 minutes and one second. And our condolences to the Alaskans, who came in dead last. Does it even count if you go for less than a minute and 30 seconds? I say no. See how your state ranks in sex duration, but prepare yourself to be mildly embarrassed. [Nerve]
It’s nice to finally have some assistance with the Should You Google dilemma. Because on the one hand, there’s curiosity and longing for connection, on the other hand, there’s self-loathing and stalkerdom. Writer Caroline Paul and illustrator Wendy MacNaughton put together this handy guide for confused Googlers. And they’ve considered all the important things like, whether or not you intend to date the person, or how badly you want to feel about yourself. But they forgot to address the question of Googling yourself. The answer is always yes. No exceptions. So you know what other people see when they Google you. [The Date Report] Keep reading »
Holiday shopping is taxing on your energy and your bank account. You create a list, check it once, and are satisfied that you’ve crossed everyone off your list. Then you check it twice and realize you may have forgotten someone. Or even worse, you start to second guess who should be on your list in the first place! What about your regular booty call? You’ve been hooking up with for three months but don’t formally date — does he get a gift? Should you bring a gift for cousin Pat? If so, do you have to add his frosty girlfriend to your list? Uh, and hostess gifts … how many holiday parties are you attending this year?
Before you panic and blow tons of cash on personalized “Star Trek” action figures for everyone you know, check out our “Should You Give ___ A Xmas Gift?” flowchart. If anyone gives you grief for not buying them a gift this year, you can blame us.