Happy National Orgasm Day! And for some of you, Happy Faking It Day! I can only hope that those of you who plan on commemorating today’s holiday will find success in your sexual endeavors, but I’m sure more than a few of you will end up flipping through “King of Queens” reruns and letting out an occasional moan while your oblivious but hopefully enthusiastic and determined significant other goes to town under the covers. It’s not always easy achieving the “Big O,” but it’s more tangible than catching a rainbow unicorn, I promise you. The struggle is real, and a lot goes through your head when you’re trying to hit those high notes. Here’s what you can expect to think step-by-step (in GIFs). Keep reading »
Ever have a bad day? Maybe someone cut you off on the way to work, your favorite show was canceled, the last cookie in the jar was covered in mold, or you broke a bone on vacation (sigh, that would be me). Whatever it is, it’s healthy to acknowledge what’s bothering you, but don’t linger there too long. Take a few minutes to sing the blues and move on, or you may find yourself hosting a sad, pathetic pity party for one. Keep reading »
This morning, just like every other morning, I got into work and meandered over to the company Keurig in desperate need of coffee to find that, yet again, the last person to use the coffee machine didn’t refill the water. How hard is it to put the container under the sink for five seconds? For months we’ve been plagued with this problem thanks to lazy caffeine drinkers, and I have been seriously contemplating the installation of nanny cams to find the culprit(s). Maybe then we’d determine who’s guilty of some of these other workplace crimes.
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Ahh, spring is in the air! The bees are buzzing, the birds are chirping, the pollen count is so high you can barely see through a haze of yellow dust. What’s not to love? But the best part of springtime, by far, is that it’s the best season to hook up. Why is that, you ask? Let us explain… Keep reading »
Guess what? I didn’t win the New York Lotto AGAIN. For some reason, my family is fascinated with the Lotto. Not Vegas style gambling, just your average convenience store lottery. Since my early childhood, I remember them purchasing tickets but never winning anything significant. As an adult, I find myself getting sucked in. I know the chances of winning are less than slim, but whenever I attempt to resist, someone says, “You’ve got to be in it to win it.”
If you have ever purchased a Mega Millions, Powerball, Sweet Millions, or state Lotto, you have experienced the following. Keep reading »
Last night on the way home from work, a bag containing the contents of my desk broke as I was getting off the subway. In that bag was a giant, rubber boob that Amelia had given me as a going away present. Just to be clear, I don’t normally travel with a rubber breast in my bag. This was a special occasion. Well, the tit fell out my bag, onto the platform, bounced once and then slowly rolled away. A nice man rushed to help me pick everything up. Unknowingly, he grabbed the rubber tit, looked at it, looked at me, and carefully set it back on the subway platform (nipple side down), with a look that said, I have just been an accidental perv.
“Oh, that’s a gift from my coworkers,” I said, as if that would smooth everything over.
He then proceeded to walk away from me as quickly as possible.
This is an example of an awkward boob situation that most women have NOT experienced. Lucky you! But here are a bunch of uncomfortable boob moments that I’m sure you’re all too familiar with… Keep reading »