Hi, Publicist Who Sent Us A Press Release About Healthy HooHoo Premium Feminine Care Products!
Thanks for the heads up about how to shower our “most precious parts with these soft and gentle wipes.” And by “most precious parts,” you mean our hoohoos. One thing — is “hoohoo” the name of my vagina? Because it is also the name of my grandmother on my dad’s side, and this could get confusing. If it’s OK with you, I’ll refer to the products by a less disrespectful name, the East River Ferry.
Anyway, I did have a few other queries about your premium line of innovative gal pal accessories. Here goes: Keep reading »
Welcome to the Stock Photo Model Spa, a soothing getaway that in no way resembles a real life spa. Here, they massage you with ballsacks and embalm you with cucumbers. Full makeup and awkward facial expressions are encouraged. Click through to see some of the very obscure treatments you can receive there — from Butt Rolfing to Facicures — along with our imagined descriptions…
Someday I will sit down and write a book about all of the ridiculous auditions I went on when I was an actress. I will fill pages and pages about my most humiliating experiences — like, the time there was a dog in the room and it was sniffing my crotch while I did a scene about being stranded on an icy mountain or the time one of the producers stopped me in the middle of an audition for a part described as a “slutty bitch” to tell me that my mom was his second grade teacher. Keep reading »
Is there anything cuter than a kid who thinks she’s dominating hide and seek, but is actually completely visible to everyone? The answer is no, as illustrated by this hilarious roundup of failed hide and seek photos. I couldn’t resist compiling a few of my favorites. Click through to see if you can spot these tiny masters of illusion…
We always have high hopes for the romantic and sexual potential of the holidays. Snow is falling, fires are burning (both literally and figuratively), and we’re ready to get it on! Sadly though, like so many other aspects of the holidays, the reality of our yuletide hookups often looks much, much different than our expectations, and not in a good way. Let’s break down the divergence of fantasy and reality in painfully graphic detail, shall we? Keep reading »
Pets! They’re weird. Weirdest of all, perhaps, is the unspoken dynamic between cats and dogs. Believed to despise one another, so much so that there is an animated movie about it (and a sequel!), it’s really much less of an outright hatred and more just an implied narrative of canine fear. Most cats don’t even do anything; dogs are just inherently terrified of them. Sittin’ at the top of the stairs, at the end of the hallway, on the kitchen counter … wherever cats may be, dogs refuse to pass them. The fear seems unfounded until the dogs are actually coaxed into moving — then you see that a cat’s strongest instinct, its most base pleasure of all, is to snag a dog’s tail in passing. Woof! I submit as proof this excellent compilation, entitled “You Shall Not Pass, Dog.” It is just over 3 glorious minutes of silly dogs with the fear of God in ‘em as they attempt, and fail, to venture past sitting cats. [via Time]
This weekend I achieved a lifelong dream of seeing a special holiday screening of “Home Alone” on the big screen at a local movie theater. I’m sure I saw it at the theater when it first came out, but I can’t remember (I was 5 at the time), so I jumped at the chance to get the full “Home Alone” movie theater experience as an adult. In fact, when Nick and I saw the poster up outside the theater a few weeks ago, we literally ran in to the box office and breathlessly begged the guy at the counter to dig us up two tickets to the surely sold-out show. He laughed and said we were the first ones to even ask about it. Needless to say, on Saturday we had the best seats in the house.
The movie was as great as it always is, but the movie theater setting came with an unexpected perk: I sat next to a very chatty old man who had apparently never seen “Home Alone” before. He narrated pretty much the entire movie as I struggled to stifle my laughter. Here are some of his quotes that were just too good not to share: Keep reading »