Ever wonder how the first men figured out how to reproduce? Are we all naturally inclined to go for “samesies”? John McKeever and his merry band of early men debate the relative merits of same and opposite sex copulation. Guess which one wins? [YouTube]
Yesterday, Amelia gifted me a book that she knew would be everything to me. The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, & The Complete Toot Taxonomy was all that and more. I learned just about every fun fact there is to know about gas — from which foods make your farts smell the worst (cauliflower and cheese) to why your own toots don’t smell bad to you (because it reminds you of the smell of your mother). Of particular interest to me were the farting release techniques. While it was helpful to learn how to do the Downward Floating Fog or the Power Squat, I felt that many of these techniques were male-centric (probably because the book was written by two men). But what of us female farters? We deserve gas releasing techniques that are right for us. Here are a few I enjoy…
Jack, of JacksFilms, has made a career out of making fun of poorly written, badly worded, mostly illiterate Internet comments. For instance, there’s a disturbingly high number of people who confuse “rapper” and “raper.” It can make things really … awkward. In this, his 51st installment of the web series “Your Grammar Sucks,” Jack and his buddy Chad play a drinking game over shitty comments. It’s charmingly bro-tastic. [YouTube]
“Guys, do you want to know a secret? You don’t have to be funny in order to attract us. Believe us, between your scalps and your calves, you’ve already got us. Your narrow, decrescendoing hips, and your soft, very hairy thighs leave us breathless. The truth is, there is no evolutionary cause for you to have to be funny. And precisely because your ancestors, and your ancestors’ grandparents, and your ancestors’ grandparents’ grandparents, and so on and so on, had no procreative need to cultivate a sense of humor and performance, you literally do not have it in your DNA.”
– “The Office’s” Ellie Kemper takes every assumption that women aren’t funny — and don’t need to be because they’re sexy‚ and tosses it on it’s head to great effect (and some befuddlement in certain commenters). That’s just a small snippet of her entire GQ essay. Take a break from your day and have a chuckle courtesy of this very funny lady. [GQ]
After experiencing a secondhand anxiety attack for the grad student who had their laptop (and 5-year thesis) stolen yesterday, this story is giving me hope. A Reddit user’s bike was stolen, and then returned three nights later with an apologetic note attached, as well as a coupon for a free lava cake at Domino’s (score!). If you can’t read the messy writing, check out the full text of the note after the jump… Keep reading »
Are any of you guys drunk cleaners? I’m not (I’m more of a drunk napper, myself), but a bunch of my friends are. After a few drinks, they want nothing more than to grab a mop, duster, or sponge and go on an intoxicated neat freak rampage. The next day they wake up to a hangover and a spotless home. Luckies. To celebrate Spring Cleaning Week, I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of drink pairings for drunk cleaners. What’s the best cocktail to sip while vacuuming? Which tropical beverage should you reach for while doing the dishes? Click through to find out!
Idioms aren’t supposed to make literal sense: Apples and oranges are easy to compare. Kicking the bucket doesn’t sound like such a bad thing. What if the bucket deserved it? What if it was racist? And sure, there probably are multiple ways to skin a cat, but how did that become the benchmark for comparing task variety? In what time and place in human history did we need so many cats skinned that we developed multiple techniques for it?
Cracked has considered idioms before and even tried to analyze why and how they came to exist, an analysis that in many cases peters out pretty quickly, ending with a shrugging linguist. “I dunno,” the linguist says. “Because fuck those cats, I guess.”
But because we use idioms every day, most of the time we don’t even notice them. It’s only poor foreigners trying to learn our stupid tongue who trip over them. And, in the interest of spreading confusion and bafflement, I realized we can replicate that experience here by considering foreign idioms, some of which are completely bonkers. Here are eight of the bonkeriest, along with some shrug-heavy speculation on how they came to pass.
#8. France: “Bang Your Butt on the Ground”: So what do you think this means? It’s a sex thing, right? Or maybe an earthquake- or fire-preparedness drill, kind of the French equivalent of “stop, drop, and roll”? Read more on Cracked…
Most of us have a lingerie drawer that’s overflowing with bras that serve a very specific purpose, from making our breasts look three sizes bigger than they actually are to smashing them into an immovable uni-boob for our trips to the gym. A great comic called “Bras We Have Known” has been making the rounds on Tumblr, and it illustrates each of these trusty undergarments, for example, “The Workhorse,” shown above. After the jump, check out three more types of bras you almost certainly own… Keep reading »
Last week, a woman named Hillary Bowman-Smart, of Melbourne, Australia, began the hashtag #SafetyTipsForWomen on Twitter in response to an article about victim-blaming on Australian website The Punch called “Advocating Risk Management Is Not Victim Blaming.” Since then the #hashtag has gone viral and continues to stir up some hilarious “tips” for women days after the original tweet. Her Tumblr blog explains:
How about we recognise that being drunk, being ‘sexy’, being out having fun, being loud, being trans, being queer, being sexually active – none of it causes rape, because rapists cause rape? How about we stop pretending that if women follow some stupid, byzantine set of ‘rules’ we’ll be safe?
The hashtag has spread beyond Down Under and to elsewhere around the world. After the jump are some of the best tweets… Keep reading »
I used to pretend to like summer music festivals, but then I realized they’re actually closer to my idea of hell than my idea of fun. Artist Chris Melberger designed this parody music festival poster that paints a painfully accurate picture of the music festival experience ($10 beers! Kids on drugs!), and the random roster of bands that always seem to be included (Swedish DJ! Bros with beards!). Check out the full lineup here. [Neatdude]