I spend half of my days feeling kind of like a hooker. There are no patent leather platforms with clear plastic bases in my closet and I’d sooner die than wear a half shirt or hot shorts. My damn chest, however, makes appropriateness rather difficult at times.
You see, my waist is a size 2 or 4, my hips are a size 4, and my chest is a 34DD. Finding a dress (or blouse, or fitted, non-stretch top of any kind) has become borderline impossible. But years of clothing obsession and severe boob-related setbacks when it comes to putting together outfits have left me with what some might call an obsessive and excessive knowledge of how to deal with super large lady lumps. Some rules, after the jump… Keep reading »
Mike Alvear wrote a two-part series on how to tell a man or a woman he or she is bad in bed. For dudes, he suggests they repeatedly ask their ladies what she likes in bed in hopes she’ll get the hint and ask what he likes. He also advises bringing up the conversation casually while ready the morning paper (not in bed and definitely not just after sex), and telling a woman what you want more of and not less of. For women, he makes the same suggestions, but advises them to have their conversation side-by-side and not face-to-face since, he says, men are intimidated by eye contact. His advice is OK, but it’s a little passive-aggressive. I get that it’s a fine line to tiptoe, but with a gentle touch a little constructive criticism never killed a guy. After the jump, five ways to let your guy know his “skills” leave a little to be desired. Keep reading »
Boys have all the fun. Their daily alcohol limit is three units (ours is two) and they get to pee standing up. And now, fashion is playing on the boys’ team, too! Kitsuné’s new collection has a total schoolboy vibe, the Olsens are about to debut a menswear line (and Ashley just did a menswear-clad photoshoot for V magazine), and Rihanna’s been sporting tuxedos on the red carpet. It seems everyone has gone boy crazy, so here’s how to rock the look. Keep reading »
Earlier this week, our friends at Holy Taco posted a man’s “flowchart for lying to your girlfriend.” We found it pretty funny and appreciated the peek into men’s psyches. We thought we’d return the favor, so here’s a woman’s flowchart for manipulating her boyfriend.
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Before you assume you can’t wear white denim, consider these tricks. I’m not a size zero or two — far from it — and blanco jeans don’t look tragic on me.
- Buy a half size or a full size bigger. When they’re white, tight jeans flatter no one. Avoid the sausage leg look—no one is looking at your size tag. I’m a fan of the J.Crew cropped matchstick jeans with platform heels. [$85, J.Crew]
- You can go cheap—but try them on first. The cheaper the jean, the thinner the jean. With regular wash, thin is fine—but with white denim you can see everything. No one needs to see cellulite through your jeans. I have an old Gap pair that are super thick and cost me less than $60, and I love Lucky bootlegs. [$99, Lucky Brand]
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Here’s Edie Beale in the original “Grey Gardens,” describing her “best costume for the day,” an insane combo of pantyhose and safety pins. Best costume, indeed.
The fashion expert claims, “I don’t like women in skirts…you understand.” We understand she means a plain old skirt. But a skirt fashioned out of a turtleneck or cardigan — now that’s another story, darling.
After the jump, the essentials of how to get Edie’s pantyhose-over-pants-under-skirt look. Note: You must pair with major attitude. Keep reading »
Breaking up is never a pleasant experience. The relationship moves from “You are awesome, let’s spend oodles of time together,” to “Actually, I’m not very fond of you, let’s never see each other again.” Tears fall, fists fly, hurtful things are said—and that’s when a breakup goes well. One of the most important things to decide when breaking up is where it will happen. The right place can help a break up go smoothly. The wrong place and you can wind up crying alone on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. Not that that’s ever happened to me. In general, you’re looking for neutral territory, a transient place that will not hold the memory of your breakup. Here are four places to avoid and four places to go to have the dreaded breakup conversation. Keep reading »
Valentine’s Day sucks for single people. Yeah, that’s what your disgustingly cute couple friends think, but they’ve got their heads too far up each others’ butts that night to look around and see how many people are out, single and ready to mingle! Unless you’re a sappy saint, getting laid on V-Day is like buying candy from the drug store. You can get whatever you like cheap and easy! So miss, don’t get sour, go out and eat someone sweet. Here’s how to really feel screwed on the Hallmark holiday…. Keep reading »
Whenever I get on Facebook I feel depressed. I seem to spend most of my time untagging myself in pictures so my third grade boyfriend doesn’t see me looking like I have four chins and a lazy eye. To make matters worse, it seems everybody else is beautiful, photogenic and having The Best Time Ever. Given that I’m generally having a decent time and am at least moderately attractive, I believe the problem is the pictures.
Upon closer examination, most photogenic people (by that I mean anyone under 25) have a sort of signature look, the pose they do in every picture—whether it’s on The Great Wall or at their grandmother’s house—that they know makes them look fabulous.
I have no look. I have tried to create one, but I just end up looking pained. I figure it’s time to go the experts… Keep reading »