Let’s be honest, being on both sides of the bridesmaid game can be super annoying. It’s hard to say no when a friend asks you to be part of her special day and before you’ve even marked the date on your calendar, you’ve been asked to spend $1,000 on an awful burgundy dress and gold heels that you’ll never, ever wear again. On the bride’s side, I can only imagine that it must be irritating to have bitches whining and moaning about having to get their nails polished Ballet Slipper pink and the other, long list of simple list of requirements you’ve given them.
Fuck it all! Simplify everyone’s life by getting a bridesmaid who doesn’t need dress, who never talks back and who doesn’t need to be taught how to keep pace when walking down the aisle.
Bride Alex Wells got it right when she asked her thoroughbred horse Toffee to be her bridesmaid. Keep reading »
At just two feet tall, an Italian pony named Charly is one of the smallest of his kind, and now he’s gone missing. Late last week, Charly was snoozing in his stall at the National Horse Fair of Città di Castello, where he was scheduled to perform, when thieves cut through the fence, nabbed the tiny equine, and sprinted across a tobacco field to a nearby getaway car. Charly’s owner Bartolo Messina discovered his prize pony was missing the following morning, and is devastated by the crime. “I never imagined having to write this but unfortunately it has happened and I feel empty, violated and destroyed!” He posted on Facebook. “Help me to find him, whoever has news … please contact me!” Italian police believe Charly’s captors may demand ransom for his return.
Charly, if you’re reading this, we will never give up hope for your safe return, even if that means going door-to-door to collect donations to pay your ransom. Who wants to chip in a dollar? Let’s bring Charly home! [Huffington Post]
Dear Patrick Neal Schumacher,
I get it: You were caught between a rock and a horse ride, as it were. You needed to get to your brother’s wedding some 600 miles away, but because your driver’s license had been suspended, you needed to find an alternate means of travel. Planes, trains and other automobiles were apparently out of the question, so you did what any enterprising, horse-owning person might: You decided to traverse the distance to Bryce, Utah, on horseback. Keep reading »
The heart wants what it wants. And in the case of James Rene Mouton of Scott, Louisiana, the heart wanted to ride a horse into a bar and lasso a guy.
The 26-year-old had stopped into the Cowboys nightclub and kept his horse trailer parked in the bar’s parking lot. Which was convenient, because at some point during the night, he decided that he needed to go riding. In the bar. He was escorted out of the establishment on his steed by a 47-year-old man, who was then lassoed and dragged through the parking lot by Mouton.
Oh, but that’s not all.
A drunk Mouton dropped the horse off at his parent’s house and then returned to the bar on foot. The police were called, and Mouton tried to hide, but was eventually found and charged with disturbing the peace, remaining after being forbidden, second degree battery, public intimidation and retaliation.
Well, it is called Cowboys Nightclub. [KTSM]
A horse is a horse of course, of course, unless the horse is a horse that just really wanted a Big Mac from McDonald’s. An unnamed woman in Manchester, UK, tried to take her horse through the drive-thru of her local McDonald’s, but staff there refused to serve her. So, instead, the woman decided to bring her horse inside the Micky D’s. A girl riding a pony accompanied the woman, because every horse needs a pony, right?
The horse, said police, “ended up doing his business on the floor.” (See above photo for reference.)
“The sight and smell of this caused obvious distress and upset to customers trying to eat, as well as staff members,” said a rep for the Greater Manchester Police. The woman was charged with the quaintest British offense ever: “causing alarm.” [BBC]
A miniature pony named Fridolin (not pictured, that’s another mini pony, sorry) that was stolen from a circus was returned safely after being missing for two weeks. The pony was taken in mid-December from the traveling Vienna Christmas Circus. Circus director Adolf Lauenburger told reporters he wasn’t interested in punishment, he just wanted the pony back. “Fridolin is the tiny star of our animal crew and works together with another horse to entertain the public. One of the great things about him is that he doesn’t have a fixed schedule – he just does what he wants and is a real natural performer in entertaining. Nobody taught him – he just seems to know.”
I love a pony that just “does what he wants.” Keep reading »
Well, this fitness video out of Korea definitely has it all: faux horses, people thrusting, abs. An infomercial for a “home equestrian system,” this commercial is one of the most unintentionally erotic things we’ve ever seen. Cannot look away! [YouTube]
Humans aren’t the only species to get into the holiday spirit. Check out these animals — festooned with ridiculous hats and outfits — doing their best to get into the 4th of July festivities.
This French Bulldog pup is more excited than anything about his new BFF, a New York City police horse. The horse is all, “Whatever, aren’t you a tiny, weird, jumpy thing.” But it’s still cute to see this dog and horse touch noses and such. [YouTube]