In private, my husband, Paul*, has started referring to his sexual orientation as “Results-Oriented.” As in, he doesn’t care what gender his sexual partners are if they can get the job done, so to speak. He’s being glib when he says that — no, he wouldn’t go to bed with just anyone — but there’s also some truth behind it. For a person who isn’t ready to socially, culturally, or politically identify as bisexual, Results-Oriented is his way of saying that he’s not quite as straight as most straight-identified men.
Paul started calling himself Results-Oriented around the time we had our first foursome with a straight-presenting, queer-identified couple. For the most part, we engaged in heterosexual and lesbian activities, but at one point, I let it slip that watching two men together has always been one of my top turn-ons. Our male partner looked up with excitement and climbed on top of Paul. Once he obtained consent, he gave Paul a long and thorough blowjob that finished in climax. I couldn’t decide whether to observe our partner’s clearly experienced technique or Paul’s facial expressions of utterly baffled pleasure. When it was over, all my husband could say was, “Wow … that wasn’t as different as I imagined it would be.” Keep reading »
I had to say goodbye to one of the most intrinsic parts of my life this last year. It was something that was there on my darkest days, my most celebrated moments and during nearly every major life event. It was there when I took repeated shots of courage and came out to my dad, the first, second and 10th time I got my heart broken, and when I met what’s-her-name, my first one-night stand. When all else felt bleak, and I wanted to feel surrounded by friends, I would head to my local lesbian bar, T’s in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood, and patronize a place that had become like my second home.
Most recently it served as the place where I held my 30th birthday party, where we closed it down only to discover that it would not be reopening again the next day. Imagine it as Cheers: less a few gentlemen with more armband tattoos and a constant loop of “The Real L Word” reruns playing on huge flat screens and there you have it, the local lesbian bar that can be found in cities across the country. Now, still thinking of a place where everybody knows your name, take away the physical bar and there goes the sense of community, the place to socialize, the place to make mistakes, the place you felt most comfortable being yourself. Keep reading »
As, you’ve no doubt heard, Russia recently enacted an anti-gay law, banning all “promotion of nontraditional sexual relations [in front of minors], and makes any expression of real or perceived homosexuality – even something as innocuous as same-sex hand-holding – potentially illegal.” The Russian government has warned that this law against homosexuality will apply to anyone attending and/or participating in the the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia
So in response, the sports/human rights group Pride House International has asked everyone to take any opportunity to hold hands in public during the Olympic games. Keep reading »
Since Proposition 8 was struck down in the Supreme Court, same-sex marriage is once again legal in California. Unfortunately, just because something is legal doesn’t mean that people are suddenly more accepting and open-minded about it.
Ken Bencomo of Rancho Cucamonga taught at St. Lucy’s Priory, an all-girls Catholic school in Glendora, California, and was head of the English department. Bencomo is gay and for 10 of the 17 years he has worked at St. Lucy’s, school officials knew his sexual orientation and had even met his partner. Yet after all this time, Bencomo was fired from his position just days after he married his partner, Christopher Persky, according to The San Bernadino Sun. According to USA Today, the school justified their decision, saying that gay marriage goes against the teachings of the Catholic Church. Officials apparently did not have a problem with Bencomo being gay, they just had a problem with him getting married to the person that he loves. HUH? Keep reading »