The holidays are right around the corner, and if egg nog, stuffing and Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” do mysterious things to your libido—fear not. We suffer from the Holiday Friskies, too. We feel your sexually frustrated pain. Whether your parents’ guest bedroom has you aching for another’s or a holiday getaway is in order, there’s nothing like a few guilt-free days off to initiate a bold try with what’s-his-name from high school or that-one-over-there at the resort bar (if you’re fancy). Regardless, the holidays are a perfect time for a no-strings-attached fling. Here are a few ways to make it run exceptionally smooth.

I realize it might seem a little early to start talking about the holidays, but as my local drugstore pulled out the tinsel and Santa hats before they’d even had time to put away the slutty nurse costumes and plastic pumpkins, I figured I’d get a jump on the season.

Whether you’re a sassy single lady or one-half of a love muffin; if you go home for them, holidays are a very special kind of hell. This week we’ll tackle some of the issues you might face and how you might deal with them without resorting to pie-throwing or sneaking off to the basement with the bottle of cooking sherry.

There are two types of holiday partiers: those who drink to enhance the merry quality of the season and those who drink to escape the torture of it. If you fall into the latter category you know it can be quite unseemly, so here’s this Christmas tree ornament that’s also a flask from Urban Outfitters. We know, you’re thinking, How is that not the most obvious thing in the world? Consider the following instructions: 1. Fill with vodka. 2. Place innocently on tree. 3. Now you have a stash to surreptitiously rely on during horrible family gatherings. (For my fellow Jew friends, you could try hanging this on the menorah, but that would both incur the wrath of bubbie Sadie and be a fire hazard.)*

Of course, the ornament flask works just as well for the jolly drinker who is all about Christmas—this will complement your Rudolph sweater perfectly. [$24, Urban Outfitters via Geekologie]

* You know we’re being cynics, right? Drinking in secret during the holidays is a bad sign. We prefer to raid the family liquor cabinet and do it out in the open.

“V-Day.” Sounds more like an invasion of Normandy than a day spent celebrating love and romance. And rightfully so. Sometimes the intricacies of preparing for the holiday resemble war-room strategy more than jubilation. Sure, you’re armed with flowers and chocolates instead of a rifle and grenades, but there is a common dread, with the tips of those big red hearts hanging like so many swords of Damocles.

I forgot my best friend’s birthday two years in a row once. I felt absolutely awful about it and resolved never to overlook it again. So far I’ve been good about remembering her birthday, but I forgot to bring a card to another friend’s wedding. It’s hard to stay on top of all the sentiments we have to send our friends and family, but it’s all about being prepared. Pick up one of these gift card sets, and you’ll be as ready for anything as MacGyver. Above: Emergency Box of Cards, $12 for eight cards, BobsYourUncle.com

Holiday time for men means one thing: sports, sports, and more sports. Christmas Day alone has five basketball games on. This weekend is the last regular season game for football and playoff spots are on the line. And hockey season started not too long ago. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you need to keep reading. Whether you are forced to watch games at your man’s house or you want to hit up the bar to drink away the Scrooge inside of you, knowing a little bit about sports will impress the jingle bells off a guy. Yes, we know there are plenty of women out there who are sports obsessed. But there are also plenty of women who aren’t—and we don’t want you to suffer. After the jump are some basic things you need to know about sports to get you by during this holiday season.

This holiday commercial cracks me up. Further proof that even though your kids will have no idea what’s really going on, parents should still hide their sexy Santa costumes and S&M gear where they can’t be found by kids snooping for Christmas presents.

Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. So it’s your civic duty to get someone to ring your bell on Christmas! Hooking up on the holiday is one part finesse, one part alcohol, and one part restraining yourself from stuffing your face. But it is possible to make babies on Jesus’ B-Day, no matter your religion. Here’s how you can be naughty on Christmas Eve and Day…

Trojan condoms report their highest sales of the year take place in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Researchers attribute this spike to holiday downtime, New Year’s resolutions to get knocked up, and booze-fueled Yuletide revelry. It seems counterintuitive, and almost profane, that a holiday most associated with innocence and children would also be a holiday of steamy boot knocking. But I suspect it has something to do with my favorite Christmas movie. And my favorite Christmas movie isn’t even a Christmas movie.

It’s Christmas Eve. Dinner is ready, the house is decorated, and the lights are aglow with holiday magic. You are about to relax in the recliner with some eggnog and watch “A Christmas Story” when you get a call from your brother. He has decided to bring his new girlfriend and he forgot to get her a present—would you mind? Or maybe you are heading out to a party and realize you forgot to get the host a gift. Maybe things have been so crazy, you forgot you have three nephews, not two. Whatever the reason, you need a gift, you need it now, and all that’s open is Walgreen’s, Bob’s Liquor, and Safeway. Take a deep breath, down the eggnog, and grab your keys. You’ve heard of last-minute gifts? Here are some last last-minute gifts that don’t seem so, well, last minute.

When a commitment-phobe I had been dating for two months excitedly told me he had a present for me—“you’ll love it,” he assured me—I prepared myself for a thoughtful, romantic gesture of his relationship readiness. But when I walked into his bedroom, he instead pointed at a Starbucks iced coffee on his desk that I had left there after our third date. He thought he was being cute, but our relationship curdled shortly after. Whether intentional or not, your man’s gifts send a message. So what did his holiday gift say this year? Find out after the jump…



A lot of people look forward to foods that are traditionally served during the holidays. I am not one of those people. Why couldn’t the pilgrims have eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Thanksgiving? Who decided that couscous wasn’t festive enough for the Christmas meal? If you enjoy eating “holiday foods” at this time of year, enjoy, but I think it looks gross. Keep reading to see what I mean…

You’ve decided to spend the holiday at your boyfriend’s family’s house this year. But the big question remains: Where do you rest your pretty little head at night? Do you share a bed with your man or do you retreat to a lumpy couch and spend your nights in solitude?

Here are some possible scenarios that may play out when you get to his parents’ crib.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started!

Back in the day, the Winter Solstice, which falls on December 21st, was a sexy time for all! In Ancient Greece, it was known as “The Festival of the Wild Women.” The Romans danced around with phalluses, cross dressed, and slaves showed their master who was boss—hot!  Now Winter Solstice celebrations are all tied up with religion and gift giving, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have a little extra dirty fun—especially since it’s is the longest night of the year. So, here are my pervy suggestions for putting the happy in your holiday season…

Several years ago, when I was in middle school, an uncle of mine tried to make conversation by asking whether I had a boyfriend. Of course, I got upset and didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night. What right did an uncle I rarely spoke to have asking about my personal life? Now, I realize that I should have come prepared, because family gatherings bring out all kinds of awkward questions. Find out how to respond to them after the jump…

“Target: Women” host Sarah Haskins hits it out of the park in her assassination of gift giving jewelry for holidays and the commercials marketing the trend. From “jewelry face” and creepy voice overs to the “special memories” associated with shiny baubles and what jewelry says about a relationship, Haskins knocks it out of the park. It will almost make you NOT want to get jewelry as gift. Almost.

A breakup almost always sucks, but this time of year it can be especially painful. The good news is the holidays can also serve as a wonderful distraction from your heartache—and you don’t have to worry about shelling out money for a gift (or acting delighted when he gives you socks again). Luckily, not only are there plenty of reasons to love being single at this time of year, there are lots of ways to ease your loneliness, process your feelings, and improve your mood, too.