hitched - Page 6

Hitched: My Mom And My Wedding, A Springsteen-Fueled Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a Texas girl who loved and adored her mother, but also respected and feared her. The Texan girl didn’t always see eye-to-eye with her mother, but even in the worst of times, her mother had always been there with the love and support she needed. The Texan girl always… More »


Hitched: Let’s All Get Married! All Of Us!

Well, I’ve finally sobered up some from our honeymoon — real talk, y’all, I remember writing just about 10 percent of last week’s column. And now I know that there’s nothing like a honeymoon in Hawaii to remind you that you are the most boring, normal person in the whole married world, because literally everyone in Hawaii is on their… More »


Hitched: I’m A Married Motherf**ker!

Last night, my husband (!) Patrick and I were having Hawaiian martinis at Roy’s Waikoloa Bar & Grill (which is to Hawaii the way Chili’s is to Texas) when he asked me, Was it all worth it? Was all the stress and the arguing and the pressure worth it, to have a wedding instead of… More »


Hitched: I’m Getting Married On Saturday!

The next time y’all read a Hitched column, I’ll be a married person! It’s been a long, strange journey since Patrick and I got drunk at the lake last September and decided to get engaged. But there has been no stranger time than the last couple of weeks, when the Wedding Crazy moved into my… More »


Hitched: Why I Didn’t Have A “Real” Bachelorette Party

“But Andie, it’s your last chance at freedom!”

This is what my father told me when I informed him that I wouldn’t have a bachelorette party, and instead would go camping with Patrick and all our best Texas friends.

My dad was disappointed that his daughter wouldn’t be vomiting behind a… More »


Hitched: Our Wedding Venue Fell Through 20 Days Before Our Wedding

Of all of the many things I worried about before our wedding — dreaming of accidentally getting huge, hideous chest tattoos or enduring painful silence at our karaoke reception — one thing that never occurred to me to worry about was, “What if our wedding venue falls through 20 days before our wedding date and… More »


Hitched: The Bizarre Phenomenon Of Being Rewarded For Getting Married

On Saturday morning, Patrick and I were enjoying some delicious breakfast tacos when I got the greatest e-mail of my life from Susan, my person of honor at our wedding: in the next week, we should be watching the mail for the trampoline the wedding party bought us.

Yeah, you read that right:… More »


Hitched: Should We Go To Premarital Counseling?

The State of Texas, beautiful and God-blessed land led by the white conservative men Jesus always intended it to be led by, rewards people who go to premarital counseling. The prize? You get to waive your license fee and don’t have a three-day waiting period between obtaining the license and getting married.

I… More »


Hitched: Can You Throw A Cheap Wedding In The Age Of The Wedding Industrial Complex? We’re Trying

It sure doesn’t come as surprise to me that I’m getting married in a few weeks. After all, there was much to be done after we got drunk at the lake last Labor Day Weekend and decided to get married.

Patrick and I rented a venue, sent out save the dates and invitations,… More »


Hitched: I Love My Dad, But I Don’t Want Him To Give Me Away

I think I just got away with telling my dad he won’t be giving me away at my wedding — and the world didn’t fall apart.

I’d been putting it off, the telling him, partly because I never know whether my dad is going to care. I know he cares a lot about… More »


Hitched: On The Privilege Of Marriage

I wish people would talk more about the actual reasons they get married, when and why they do. The reasons beyond “I’m in love.”

Because of course I’m getting married because I love Patrick. But I’ve loved a few people in my life, and I didn’t want to marry all of them. And… More »


Hitched: Recurring Nightmares & Wedding Disasters

Why did I get this huge chest tattoo right before my wedding?

This is the question I have asked myself twice now, awakening from wedding-themed nightmares in a cold sweat. In my first dream, the chest tattoo I got was some adorable phrase in scripty font that looked lovely when I glanced down… More »


Hitched: The Reluctant Groom

“Grooms get in free!”

That’s the generous offer from Austin Monthly, my local glossy society rag, for its “Couture, Cakes and Cufflinks,” uh, “Bridal Bash.” There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of shill party, and that’s what makes it particularly offensive. It’s every disgusting wedding narrative rolled into one day-long event that women are actually… More »


Hitched: What Does It Mean To Be A Wife?

I’ve been putting off making the trip to the county clerk’s office to see about getting Patrick and I common-law married. In order for me to be enrolled on his health insurance, Patrick’s employers need some kind of governmentally sanctioned proof that we’re not just total liars. The process in Texas for proving you’re not a total liar is… More »


Hitched: My Maid Of Honor Hates Weddings

When Patrick and I got drunk at the lake and decided to get married, we announced it to our friends a couple days later like the classy, plugged-in media power couple we are: via mass text message. Exclamation points. That kind of thing.

The congratulations came flooding in. A couple folks even called. More »


Hitched: Why Do I Have To Invite Strangers To My Wedding?

I took dance class for years as a kid. I loved being up on stage, dancing my ass off in front of an auditorium full of strangers. As an adult, I performed stand-up comedy. Loved it. Loved making a bunch of people I’d never met laugh.

But performing my latest dance routine in… More »


Hitched: How To Get Married

Put down the self-help books, singletons looking for love. Unsubscribe to Dear Abby. Tell Steve Harvey to slow his roll. I have all the relationship advice you’ll ever need. Go get a pen, and write this down: quit trying.
I don’t mean quit dating, or quit looking for people to spend your life with. More »


Hitched: Wedding Porn Burnout

Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song!

Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your… More »


1 ... 3 4 5 6 7