Posts tagged "hitched"

Hitched: On The Privilege Of Marriage

I wish people would talk more about the actual reasons they get married, when and why they do. The reasons beyond “I’m in love.”

Because of course I’m getting married because I love Patrick. But I’ve loved a few people in my life, and I didn’t want to marry all of them. And…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 1, 2012

Hitched: Recurring Nightmares & Wedding Disasters

Why did I get this huge chest tattoo right before my wedding?

This is the question I have asked myself twice now, awakening from wedding-themed nightmares in a cold sweat. In my first dream, the chest tattoo I got was some adorable phrase in scripty font that looked lovely when I glanced dow…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 22, 2012

Hitched: The Reluctant Groom

“Grooms get in free!”

That’s the generous offer from Austin Monthly, my local glossy society rag, for its “Couture, Cakes and Cufflinks,” uh, “Bridal Bash.” There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of shill party, and that’s what makes it particularly offensive. It’s every disgusting wedding narrative rolled into one day-long event that women are actually…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 15, 2012

Hitched: What Does It Mean To Be A Wife?

I’ve been putting off making the trip to the county clerk’s office to see about getting Patrick and I common-law married. In order for me to be enrolled on his health insurance, Patrick’s employers need some kind of governmentally sanctioned proof that we’re not just total liars. The process in Texas for proving you’re not a total liar i…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 1, 2012

Hitched: My Maid Of Honor Hates Weddings

When Patrick and I got drunk at the lake and decided to get married, we announced it to our friends a couple days later like the classy, plugged-in media power couple we are: via mass text message. Exclamation points. That kind of thing.

The congratulations came flooding in. A couple folks even called.

By: Andrea Grimes / January 25, 2012

Hitched: Why Do I Have To Invite Strangers To My Wedding?

I took dance class for years as a kid. I loved being up on stage, dancing my ass off in front of an auditorium full of strangers. As an adult, I performed stand-up comedy. Loved it. Loved making a bunch of people I’d never met laugh.

But performing my latest dance routine i…

By: Andrea Grimes / January 4, 2012

Hitched: How To Get Married

Put down the self-help books, singletons looking for love. Unsubscribe to Dear Abby. Tell Steve Harvey to slow his roll. I have all the relationship advice you’ll ever need. Go get a pen, and write this down: quit trying.
I don’t mean quit dating, or quit looking for people to spend your life with.

By: Andrea Grimes / December 19, 2011

Hitched: Wedding Porn Burnout

Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song!

Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your…

By: Andrea Grimes / December 13, 2011

Hitched: Wedding Planning Is The Worst

I started having emotional breakdowns about a month into wedding planning. Sweaty palms, heart racing, knees weak, teary eyes, total immobilization. I would find myself staring at a web page filled with tiki torches or green bridesmaid dresses or centerpiece ideas, and I would just stop dead in my wedding tracks.

It became…

By: Andrea Grimes / November 18, 2011

Hitched: Getting Engaged Without A Ring

When you get drunk with your boyfriend at the lake and decide to get engaged while under the influence of a decent-sized bottle of Jim Beam, you don’t exactly get the whole kneel-down, velvet-box proposal. No, what you get is peeling your face off a mattress the next morning and wondering where your pants are…

By: Andrea Grimes / November 10, 2011
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