Posts tagged "hitched"

Hitched: Let’s All Get Married! All Of Us!

Well, I've finally sobered up some from our honeymoon — real talk, y'all, I remember writing just about 10 percent of last week’s column. And now I know that there’s nothing like a honeymoon in Hawaii to remind you that you are the most boring, normal person in the whole married world, because literally everyone in Hawaii i…
By: Andrea Grimes / May 2, 2012

Hitched: I’m A Married Motherf**ker!

Last night, my husband (!) Patrick and I were having Hawaiian martinis at Roy's Waikoloa Bar & Grill (which is to Hawaii the way Chili's is to Texas) when he asked me, Was it all worth it? Was all the stress and the arguing and the pressure worth it, to have a wedding instead of…
By: Andrea Grimes / April 25, 2012

Hitched: I’m Getting Married On Saturday!

The next time y'all read a Hitched column, I'll be a married person! It’s been a long, strange journey since Patrick and I got drunk at the lake last September and decided to get engaged. But there has been no stranger time than the last couple of weeks, when the Wedding Crazy moved into…
By: Andrea Grimes / April 18, 2012

Hitched: Why I Didn’t Have A “Real” Bachelorette Party

"But Andie, it's your last chance at freedom!" This is what my father told me when I informed him that I wouldn't have a bachelorette party, and instead would go camping with Patrick and all our best Texas friends. My dad was disappointed that his daughter wouldn't be vomiting behind a strip club at 3…
By: Andrea Grimes / April 11, 2012

Hitched: Our Wedding Venue Fell Through 20 Days Before Our Wedding

Of all of the many things I worried about before our wedding — dreaming of accidentally getting huge, hideous chest tattoos or enduring painful silence at our karaoke reception — one thing that never occurred to me to worry about was, "What if our wedding venue falls through 20 days before our wedding date…
By: Andrea Grimes / April 4, 2012

Hitched: The Bizarre Phenomenon Of Being Rewarded For Getting Married

On Saturday morning, Patrick and I were enjoying some delicious breakfast tacos when I got the greatest e-mail of my life from Susan, my person of honor at our wedding: in the next week, we should be watching the mail for the trampoline the wedding party bought us. Yeah, you read that right: the…
By: Andrea Grimes / March 28, 2012

Hitched: Should We Go To Premarital Counseling?

The State of Texas, beautiful and God-blessed land led by the white conservative men Jesus always intended it to be led by, rewards people who go to premarital counseling. The prize? You get to waive your license fee and don’t have a three-day waiting period between obtaining the license and getting married. I discovered thi…
By: Andrea Grimes / March 21, 2012

Hitched: Can You Throw A Cheap Wedding In The Age Of The Wedding Industrial Complex? We’re Trying

It sure doesn’t come as surprise to me that I’m getting married in a few weeks. After all, there was much to be done after we got drunk at the lake last Labor Day Weekend and decided to get married. Patrick and I rented a venue, sent out save the dates and invitations, built…
By: Andrea Grimes / March 14, 2012

Hitched: I Love My Dad, But I Don’t Want Him To Give Me Away

I think I just got away with telling my dad he won’t be giving me away at my wedding -- and the world didn’t fall apart. I’d been putting it off, the telling him, partly because I never know whether my dad is going to care. I know he cares a lot about high-quality French…
By: Andrea Grimes / March 7, 2012

Hitched: On The Privilege Of Marriage

I wish people would talk more about the actual reasons they get married, when and why they do. The reasons beyond "I’m in love." Because of course I’m getting married because I love Patrick. But I’ve loved a few people in my life, and I didn't want to marry all of them. And the one…
By: Andrea Grimes / March 1, 2012

Hitched: Recurring Nightmares & Wedding Disasters

Why did I get this huge chest tattoo right before my wedding? This is the question I have asked myself twice now, awakening from wedding-themed nightmares in a cold sweat. In my first dream, the chest tattoo I got was some adorable phrase in scripty font that looked lovely when I glanced down at myself…
By: Andrea Grimes / February 22, 2012

Hitched: The Reluctant Groom

"Grooms get in free!" That’s the generous offer from Austin Monthly, my local glossy society rag, for its "Couture, Cakes and Cufflinks," uh, "Bridal Bash." There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of shill party, and that’s what makes it particularly offensive. It’s every disgusting wedding narrative rolled into one day-long event that women are…
By: Andrea Grimes / February 15, 2012

Hitched: What Does It Mean To Be A Wife?

I’ve been putting off making the trip to the county clerk’s office to see about getting Patrick and I common-law married. In order for me to be enrolled on his health insurance, Patrick’s employers need some kind of governmentally sanctioned proof that we’re not just total liars. The process in Texas for proving you’re not a total liar i…
By: Andrea Grimes / February 1, 2012

Hitched: My Maid Of Honor Hates Weddings

When Patrick and I got drunk at the lake and decided to get married, we announced it to our friends a couple days later like the classy, plugged-in media power couple we are: via mass text message. Exclamation points. That kind of thing. The congratulations came flooding in.
By: Andrea Grimes / January 25, 2012

Hitched: Why Do I Have To Invite Strangers To My Wedding?

I took dance class for years as a kid. I loved being up on stage, dancing my ass off in front of an auditorium full of strangers. As an adult, I performed stand-up comedy. Loved it. Loved making a bunch of people I’d never met laugh. But performing my latest dance routine in the living…
By: Andrea Grimes / January 4, 2012

Hitched: How To Get Married

Put down the self-help books, singletons looking for love. Unsubscribe to Dear Abby. Tell Steve Harvey to slow his roll. I have all the relationship advice you’ll ever need. Go get a pen, and write this down: quit trying. I don’t mean quit dating, or quit looking for people to spend your life with. I…
By: Andrea Grimes / December 19, 2011

Hitched: Wedding Porn Burnout

Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song! Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your adorable relationshi…
By: Andrea Grimes / December 13, 2011

Hitched: Wedding Planning Is The Worst

I started having emotional breakdowns about a month into wedding planning. Sweaty palms, heart racing, knees weak, teary eyes, total immobilization. I would find myself staring at a web page filled with tiki torches or green bridesmaid dresses or centerpiece ideas, and I would just stop dead in my wedding tracks. It became the worst…
By: Andrea Grimes / November 18, 2011

Hitched: Getting Engaged Without A Ring

When you get drunk with your boyfriend at the lake and decide to get engaged while under the influence of a decent-sized bottle of Jim Beam, you don't exactly get the whole kneel-down, velvet-box proposal. No, what you get is peeling your face off a mattress the next morning and wondering where your pant…
By: Andrea Grimes / November 10, 2011
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