Posts tagged "hitched"

Hitched: Tales Of The Happily Divorced

Last week’s Hitched column was all about the “myth of the happily married woman,” challenging the idea that marriage is some kind of natural state of being for women, who are biologically and culturally destined to need a man to complete their happiness.

Whether you believe in the Man Jesus or the Flying…

By: Andrea Grimes / June 20, 2012

Hitched: The Myth Of The Happily Married Woman

Wouldn’t you feel like shit, and wouldn’t I look like a jerk, if I sat around with this huge pile of adorable kittens and was all, “Oh man, my pile of adorable kittens is so great, I can’t get over how wonderful this pile of adorable kittens is, how can you not have a pile…

By: Andrea Grimes / June 13, 2012

Hitched: Miley Cyrus, Don’t Marry Him, Girl!

Miley Cyrus, pop star and heir to the “Achy, Breaky Heart” fortune, has announced that, at 19 years old, she’s engaged to marry her boyfriend of three years, actor Liam Hemsworth. I have this to say: Don’t do it, girl!

And when I Googled “Liam Hemsworth” to find out who the hell thi…

By: Andrea Grimes / June 6, 2012

Hitched: Your Elaborately Planned Public Marriage Proposal Is Awkward For Everyone

If you are currently in the process of planning an elaborate and public marriage proposal to your intended, please consider not doing that, not doing that even for a minute, and instead consider just stopping everything you had planned and not ever doing that, and even if you still want to do it a little…

By: Andrea Grimes / May 31, 2012

Hitched: We Got Married Because Our Friends Were Doing It

Patrick and I totally got married because our friends were doing it. We didn’t do it only because our friends were doing it, or because our friends were going to stop sitting next to us in the lunchroom if we didn’t do it. But I’m pleased as punch to say that when it comes to…

By: Andrea Grimes / May 23, 2012

Hitched: Yes, I Kept My “Maiden Name”

“So, should I be calling you something different now?”

The bartender at my local bar walked hurriedly over to my table last week as I sat with my 5 p.m. Hefeweizen, wrapping up the day’s work on my laptop. He looked genuinely worried that, when I’d walked into the bar, he’d somehow offended…

By: Andrea Grimes / May 16, 2012

Hitched: My Mom And My Wedding, A Springsteen-Fueled Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a Texas girl who loved and adored her mother, but also respected and feared her. The Texan girl didn’t always see eye-to-eye with her mother, but even in the worst of times, her mother had always been there with the love and support she needed. The Texan girl alway…

By: Andrea Grimes / May 9, 2012

Hitched: Let’s All Get Married! All Of Us!

Well, I’ve finally sobered up some from our honeymoon — real talk, y’all, I remember writing just about 10 percent of last week’s column. And now I know that there’s nothing like a honeymoon in Hawaii to remind you that you are the most boring, normal person in the whole married world, because literally everyone in Hawaii is on their…

By: Andrea Grimes / May 2, 2012

Hitched: I’m A Married Motherf**ker!

Last night, my husband (!) Patrick and I were having Hawaiian martinis at Roy’s Waikoloa Bar & Grill (which is to Hawaii the way Chili’s is to Texas) when he asked me, Was it all worth it? Was all the stress and the arguing and the pressure worth it, to have a wedding instead of…

By: Andrea Grimes / April 25, 2012

Hitched: I’m Getting Married On Saturday!

The next time y’all read a Hitched column, I’ll be a married person! It’s been a long, strange journey since Patrick and I got drunk at the lake last September and decided to get engaged. But there has been no stranger time than the last couple of weeks, when the Wedding Crazy moved into my…

By: Andrea Grimes / April 18, 2012

Hitched: Why I Didn’t Have A “Real” Bachelorette Party

“But Andie, it’s your last chance at freedom!”

This is what my father told me when I informed him that I wouldn’t have a bachelorette party, and instead would go camping with Patrick and all our best Texas friends.

My dad was disappointed that his daughter wouldn’t be vomiting behind a…

By: Andrea Grimes / April 11, 2012

Hitched: Our Wedding Venue Fell Through 20 Days Before Our Wedding

Of all of the many things I worried about before our wedding — dreaming of accidentally getting huge, hideous chest tattoos or enduring painful silence at our karaoke reception — one thing that never occurred to me to worry about was, “What if our wedding venue falls through 20 days before our wedding date and…

By: Andrea Grimes / April 4, 2012

Hitched: The Bizarre Phenomenon Of Being Rewarded For Getting Married

On Saturday morning, Patrick and I were enjoying some delicious breakfast tacos when I got the greatest e-mail of my life from Susan, my person of honor at our wedding: in the next week, we should be watching the mail for the trampoline the wedding party bought us.

Yeah, you read that right:…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 28, 2012

Hitched: Should We Go To Premarital Counseling?

The State of Texas, beautiful and God-blessed land led by the white conservative men Jesus always intended it to be led by, rewards people who go to premarital counseling. The prize? You get to waive your license fee and don’t have a three-day waiting period between obtaining the license and getting married.

I…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 21, 2012

Hitched: Can You Throw A Cheap Wedding In The Age Of The Wedding Industrial Complex? We’re Trying

It sure doesn’t come as surprise to me that I’m getting married in a few weeks. After all, there was much to be done after we got drunk at the lake last Labor Day Weekend and decided to get married.

Patrick and I rented a venue, sent out save the dates and invitations,…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 14, 2012

Hitched: I Love My Dad, But I Don’t Want Him To Give Me Away

I think I just got away with telling my dad he won’t be giving me away at my wedding — and the world didn’t fall apart.

I’d been putting it off, the telling him, partly because I never know whether my dad is going to care. I know he cares a lot about…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 7, 2012

Hitched: On The Privilege Of Marriage

I wish people would talk more about the actual reasons they get married, when and why they do. The reasons beyond “I’m in love.”

Because of course I’m getting married because I love Patrick. But I’ve loved a few people in my life, and I didn’t want to marry all of them. And…

By: Andrea Grimes / March 1, 2012

Hitched: Recurring Nightmares & Wedding Disasters

Why did I get this huge chest tattoo right before my wedding?

This is the question I have asked myself twice now, awakening from wedding-themed nightmares in a cold sweat. In my first dream, the chest tattoo I got was some adorable phrase in scripty font that looked lovely when I glanced dow…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 22, 2012

Hitched: The Reluctant Groom

“Grooms get in free!”

That’s the generous offer from Austin Monthly, my local glossy society rag, for its “Couture, Cakes and Cufflinks,” uh, “Bridal Bash.” There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of shill party, and that’s what makes it particularly offensive. It’s every disgusting wedding narrative rolled into one day-long event that women are actually…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 15, 2012

Hitched: What Does It Mean To Be A Wife?

I’ve been putting off making the trip to the county clerk’s office to see about getting Patrick and I common-law married. In order for me to be enrolled on his health insurance, Patrick’s employers need some kind of governmentally sanctioned proof that we’re not just total liars. The process in Texas for proving you’re not a total liar i…

By: Andrea Grimes / February 1, 2012