“Wait till her fat keister is sitting at this desk,’ [George W. Bush] once said [of Hillary Clinton] (except he didn’t say ‘keister’).”

—from “Me Talk Presidential One Day,” by former Bush speechwriter Matt Latimer, GQ

Forbes’ annual “Powerful Women” issue hits newsstands tomorrow, but their 2009 list of the 100 most powerful women in the world has left us scratching our heads. The magazine insists the list is based on power, not popularity. They go by press mentions and the size of the country, business or organization the woman runs. But that doesn’t explain why German Chancellor Angela Merkel is at number one for the fourth year in a row. I’ll admit, she has been in the news a lot lately. But only because she’s up for re-election and campaign posters showing her in a low-cut top have generated mucho controversy. After the jump, see the other unlikely gals in the top ten.

It’s about time someone started focusing on women’s rights, at home and abroad, and it looks like Hillary Clinton is just the woman for the job. On her 11-day trip to Africa, Hill first gave the smackdown to a guy who oddly asked her what Bill thought of something. Then, according to the Washington Post, she went to oodles of women’s dinners and mentioned women a ton of times in each of her speeches. Clinton is different than other Secretaries of State because she wants to “elevate people who, in their societies, may not even be known by their own leaders.” And she proved that she’s not just talking the talk—in fact, she spent twice as long in a housing project in South Africa as she did with the country’s president.

When it comes to Hillary’s style choices, it seems she’s in a lose-lose situation. She pioneered the pantsuit revival, but some take issue with her signature outfit. When it comes to the “pants saga,” Newsday says the Secretary of State has been looking especially dowdy as of late: “[Her suits are] looking downright shabby, not a bit flattering these days and well, kind of (yikes) jelly beanish.” Clinton Kelly of “What Not To Wear” slings some mud, too: “There’s no doubt in my mind that a colored pantsuit would end up on the top of the trash can on the show. Colored pantsuits are a little silly, outdated and aging. They don’t look like she’s a leader of the modern world.” What’s a Clinton to do?

• When Hillary Clinton snapped at the African college student who asked her about hubby Bill’s opinions on world issues, she didn’t have a sense of humor! [NY Daily News] — Yes, that’s what’s wrong with this picture: Humorless feminists can’t take a li’l sexism now and then.

At a town hall in the Congo, a student stepped up to the microphone to ask Hillary Clinton about a loan China recently offered the Democratic Republic of Congo. “What does Mr. Clinton think, through the mouth of Mrs. Clinton?”

Hillary stared at him. “You want me to tell you what my husband thinks? My husband isn’t Secretary of State. I am,” she said. “If you want my opinion, I will tell you my opinion. I am not going to be channeling my husband.”

• If Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had been invited to the Obama’s “beer summit,” she should have knocked back a bottle of Mad Bitch beer, said Dana Milbank, a columnist for The Washington Post, in a video on the WaPo web site. [Politico] — Because insinuating a powerful woman is a bitch is funny. Get it? Ha. Ha.
• A poll of 3,000 Brits found that the average woman checks out six men for a total of 20 minutes each day, while the average man checks out 10 women for 43 minutes. [The Sun UK] — In the interest of equality, this clearly means us gals need more eye candy!
• Gay and lesbian couples will be reported in the 2010 U.S. Census for the first time ever. [National Gay And Lesbian Task Force] — I can’t believe it took until 2010 for this to finally happen.

• Speaking on a Thai television show, Hillary Clinton said she isn’t thinking about the 2012 election and is “100 percent focused” on her Secretary of State gig. “I doubt very much that anything like that will ever be part of my life,” she said. [Huffington Post]
• After critics balked at the idea of using taxpayer money for abortions under Obama’s proposed health care bill, politicians are working on an amendment with a “compromise” in the U.S. House version of the bill. [WSJ] — We’re guessing this “compromise” will mean states can ix-nay the unding-fay?
• NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said he “will look into” allegations that Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback, “Big Ben” Ben Roethlisberger, sexually assaulted a former casino employee in Nevada last year. The woman says Big Ben asked her to come up to his hotel room to fix his TV, where he fondled her breasts and pushed her on the bed. She is seeking half a million dollars in damages. [NY Daily News]

As it turns out, Hillary Clinton is not a robot. You see, robots don’t break bones. They don’t even have bones. They have gears. So Clinton’s recent elbow fracture after a fall in the State Department garage (what exactly was old Hil doing down there, we wonder…) is unequivocal proof that she is, in fact, human. Nice to know, right?

In the spirit of this new discovery, we’d like to offer Hillary our cast-y condolences. What would you write on her cast? Let us know in the comments.

• A source told Us Weekly that T.R. Knight has officially left the cast of “Grey’s Anatomy” behind. [Us Weekly]—The source says he’s “had enough of ABC”, which is perfect, because I’ve had about enough of George O’Malley!
• Hilary Clinton fractured her arm during a fall on the way to the White House yesterday.  She will, as a result, no longer be able to join Angelina Jolie at an event for World Refugee Day. [AOL News] —Double ouch!

Watch out (or celebrate), Iran, Zahra Rahnavard may be your next Hillary Clinton. She’s an artist, a politician, and also the fire behind husband Mir-Hossein Mousavi’s presidential campaign. From what I’ve seen, it appears she might even have more followers than he does—crowds of women (and men) roar when she shows up to an event.

Hillary Clinton was visibly shook up while honoring a 25-year-old fallen diplomat, Brian Adkins, at a State Department ceremony last Friday. Her voice cracked when she began listing his accomplishments, and she never recovered. This wasn’t the first time Clinton became teary in public. Before the primary in New Hampshire, she became very emotional when she was asked how she was able to do everything. People that didn’t like her called them “crocodile tears.” However, no one complained about her most recent show of emotion. [Politics Daily]

There’s this ridiculous idea that emotions don’t belong in politics and women are too emotional to be president. So, if Clinton had won the election and broken down while honoring the diplomat, do you think there would have been more of an outcry? Let us know in the comments.

The hearing to confirm Sen. Hillary Clinton as the next secretary of state began today. And although Clinton isn’t facing much opposition, she fielded many questions regarding issues affecting the United States. Here’s the gist of what Clinton had to say…

Women, like 41-year-old mother and five time Olympic swimmer, Dara Torres, made a lot of headlines this year. However, we also made some incredible strides out of the swimming pool. In honor of all those hardworking, won’t take no for an answer kind of bad asses who made those achievements possible, here are the Top 5 Women’s Rights Wins of 2008:

1. Aborted Anti-Choice Legislation: As America enthusiastically voted in Obama, the overwhelming majority also rejected anti-abortion legislation that would have restricted women from their legal right to choose as dictated by Roe v. Wade. Way to go South Dakota, Colorado, and California!