I very recently bought a pair of Christian Louboutin heels for $85 at a sample sale—ah-mazing deal, right? Well, turns out, not so much. They’re a size too small and perilously high, way too high for my heel-walking abilities. But, yeah, I still went ahead and bought them even though I could barely walk around the try-on area with them on (let alone a city sidewalk). Still, I love them and because of that adoration, I actually wore them out last weekend. Bad move. I had to go home about an hour after I arrived due to the fact that I was hobbling, painfully hobbling, around. I’m going to get them stretched a half size, but I am certainly not the only person out there who’s bought and never worn a pair of shoes ...

“Style-conscious women are worse than smokers,” declares the Sydney Morning Herald. Why? We sacrifice our comfort and health for high heels and continue to buy them like addicts. (Way to stereotype.) The Herald claims that what’s worse is that we don’t even know the half of it: Not only are sexy pumps wreaking havoc on your feet, but they’re also potential culprits for infertility and schizophrenia. That’s right people—your Jimmy Choos (well, in our case, Nine West!) are silent baby killers and mind effers! Explains one expert, the wearing of high heels distorts your pelvic alignment and supposedly messes with your menstrual cycle, in turn having a negative effect on fertility. As for mental side effects, some researchers in Sweden have explained that the alignment of the feet in high heels could possibly manipulate the transmission of dopamine (the chemical that makes you happy): “After heeled shoes are introduced into a population, the first cases of schizophrenia appear and then the increase in prevalence of schizophrenia follows the increase in use of heeled shoes.”

Make you want to run away? Just don’t do it in your five-inch stilettos. [Sydney Morning Herald]

One of the many insanely sky-high shoes—supposedly, the heel is 10 inches—at Alexander McQueen‘s aqua-themed runway show. [10/6/09, Paris]

Last night the Obamas hosted a dinner for the G20 summit, and, naturally, Michelle was expertly styled. Reports The New York Times:

“Mrs. Obama [wore] a taupe, pink and green patterned cocktail dress with straps. Pink patent leather two-inch heels. Hair pulled back in a full, bouffant faux-ponytail. Long pearl necklace, pearl earrings. No stockings.”

Aside from the fact that Michelle Obama hasn’t fully transitioned to her fall wardrobe (no tights!), we were more struck by her shoes ...

Crazy shoes. They’re all the rage! Last week, we admired Rodarte‘s urban glamazon heels that could have been made from leftover parts found at the local mechanic’s. Yesterday in Milan, Miuccia Prada debuted a series of Lucite and plastic chandelier shoes with a rainbow of heel colors and swinging crystals. Equipped with what looks to be a velcro strap, the Prada footwear looks somewhat comfy—at least they didn’t send the models tumbling, as did Rodarte’s Nicholas Kirkwood stilettos. After the jump, two more highlights of the over-the-top heels trend!

This season on the runways, Marc Jacobs made a bold move when it came to footwear. Instead of the normal heels that designers show as part of their collection, he decided that flats are in for spring. Women all over sighed that their feet could take a break from the stilettos, at least according to Marc.

But despite the pain, aren’t the added few inches powerful? Don’t you crave looking straight into the eyes of your male counterparts at work? Christian Louboutin, Giuseppe Zanotti, Jimmy Choo, and Manolo Blahnik are all empires built on the idea that women want to wear heels, desire the intense heights, and simply feel dressed down in flats.

“Wait, this is a shoe?” the guys at Gizmodo wonder. Apparently, yes. Created by London-based architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is barely there footwear for the high-tech minimalist. The heel is made of carbon fiber, which makes it strong and springy; there’s rubber on the bottom, I assume to stop slips, and leather on top, for a bit of cushion. It’s called the “Mojito” because it looks like a lime twist you get in your drink. Of his shoe without a foot plate, Hakes states this is the “most simple, elegant yet poetic expression of the forces at play within the materials used.” Looking at it, I can’t quite imagine wearing it, but I’d like to try it. [Gizmodo]

Oh, damn, you guys, this is gonna be bigger than that time Michelle Obama wore shorts at the Grand Canyon! Apparently, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been dressing adorable little Suri in, gasp, peep-toe kitten heels! Pictures of the tiny tot are all over the internet, including The Huffington Post, where outraged readers are leaving comments about what they see as a horrendous social — and fashion — faux pas. After the jump, some of the more colorful reader comments.

High-heeled shoes have gotten pretty artsy lately, with naked goddesses, guns, and even a lack of heel replacing the basic pump. But design duo Azumi and David (A’N'D) have recognized the beauty of the regular ole heel, removed it from its usual companion, the shoe, and hung it on a chain, creating these delightful, tongue-in-cheek necklaces. We don’t know about you, but we have a particular pair of shoes that keep failing us. The next time they do, we might have to rip off the heel and make a necklace out of it as payback for breaking on the way to a job interview and a first date. [Azumi and David]

When it comes to style standards, one thing holds true: There are none. Just when you think you’ve absolutely mastered all the fashion no-nos, the industry can manage to turn around any look. One fashion faux-pas we were certain about was socks with high heels, which seems like the equivalent of guys wearing socks with Teva sandals. But lo and behold, what should we find when browsing the J. Crew new arrivals section, but a whole selection of colorful socks paired with classic pumps and mary janes. The styles come in various heights, including ankle and the more traditional knee-high lengths. Is this controversial old trend new again? The more we poked around, the more we found new sock styles that looked like they were made exactly for such a look.

What do you think? Will you don socks and heels for fall? Check out some other looks after the jump… [$9.50-$24.50, J. Crew]

Talk about a test-drive. Recent fashion seasons have seen some of the highest heels on record, from Nina Ricci’s heel-less high-heels to Rodarte’s towering Frankenstein boots. They may be beautiful, but can real women walk to work in the seven-inch stilettos that sent some supermodels spilling on the runways? The ladies at New York‘s style blog, The Cut, pulled together some of the craziest footwear and found out what happens when you try and sashay down the street in them. “They’re incredibly uncomfortable,” one good sport reports. And as for those Nina Ricci heels? Forget about it—unless you like walking on your tiptoes. [The Cut]

One company across the pond is trying to pass a new policy that bans something sexist, dangerous and hazardous to women’s health: high heels. Oh yes, while most people think the British Trade Union Congress should be dealing with labor policies, the mostly male organization is currently tackling Christian Louboutins. They are drafting a ban on heels over one-inch tall.

It’s a vicious cycle: You wear your new super hot, strappy high heels and the next day your feet look like they’ve been in the boxing ring. Then, the only way to wear your shoes again is to protect your wounds with band-aids that slip out of place, or you end up taking them off anyhow because they’re so unsightly and you’re wincing every time you take a step. Problem solved thanks to Nexcare Clear First Aid Tape. Just place over blisters, and no one (save for foot fetishists) will notice.

Unfortunately, we can’t take credit for this genius fashion fix. Rather, it arrived via our friends at Teen Vogue who found the solution. We were so enthusiastic that we had to share the good news. Sometimes the most amazing insider fashion secrets hardly cost you anything. [$2.49, Drugstore.com via Teen Vogue]

In the hopes of avoiding lawsuits and the wrath of women everywhere, Charles David just recalled 3,200 pairs of shoes for potentially faulty heels. And thank god, because we’ve all been there: You’re walking down the street, stairs, whatever, in your heels and feeling kind of like the s**t when all of a sudden one of those bad boys snaps right off and swaggering turns quickly into stumbling with a side of crashing and burning. Rarely do we see it coming, it’s pretty much always horrifying, and sometimes you even get a sprained ankle as an added bonus. In short, few things are more sartorially infuriating than a broken heel. [WWD]

But as some famous guy somewhere must have once said, it’s not the tragedy so much as how you deal with it that speaks volumes about you as a person. We think the best way to handle the ruined shoe, street-dirtied outfit and shame combo is to laugh it off like a pro and totter back home for a change of footwear. But we’ve heard from a few victims of the heel horror who dealt with it a little differently. True tales of mortification and redemption after the jump, (and feel free to share your own in the comments)!

“Designers with an obsession for towering torture chambers, often poorly designed for the well-being of the foot, must get a reality check.

I, for one, am over the mania for the high, high heel.

Too many career women look like a herd of fashion beasts, aping one another in impractical shoes.”

Sexy stilettos may damage your feet, but they’re also wrecking the ancient marble floors of ancient Greek sites. Apparently, the temples are showing signs of aging worse than Pamela Anderson. “These monuments have a skin that suffers and people must realize that,” Eleni Korka, the director of Greek Prehistoric and Classical Antiquities, warned. The Culture Ministry is asking women to lay off the pumps when visiting the sites this summer. A new law prohibiting drinking, eating, and strutting in spiked heels at the national treasures will go into effect January 2010. So, Victoria Beckham and other slaves to fashion, you best hit the sites before your shoes stop you from getting a little cultcha. [Breibart]

We are suckers for patent round toe pumps. They go with everything and are perfect for work and play. Black, on the other hand, does not always go with everything and can get rather boring anyway. That’s why these navy patent pumps are perfect for those days when you need an alternative neutral to compliment some fabulous outfit for which black simply will not do. Best of all, they are from Target, are almost embarrassingly affordable, and are (fairly) comfortable. Can we get a “Woohoo!?” [$29.99, Mossimo Valonia Pump]

They’re sexy and flattering. They boost your confidence and your height. They make kissing a tall man easier. Sure, we might hate high heels after wearing them all day, but we’ll still put them on the next day. After the jump, 10 notable facts about the amazing, elevating shoe.