A reader sent me an email and asked me if I would ever date someone with an incurable STD. She had recently been diagnosed with the HSV virus (that’s herpes, y’all), and wanted my answer to be honest and not “PC.” So here it is goes, my unvarnished, gut reaction to the question: No, I would not date someone with an incurable STD.

I was having dinner with some friends the other night, one of whom does HIV research. We started talking about STDs in general when another friend admitted she’s had herpes for about 10 years. She said she contracted it from the second guy she ever slept with and though she hasn’t had an outbreak in about 8 years, she always tells potential sex partners about it. I was surprised when she said that her gynecologist said that as long as she isn’t in the middle of an outbreak, there’s really no need to tell a sex partner—then I remembered this letter to advice columnist Jamie Bufalino in last week’s Time Out New York. A young woman writes:

“I’m a 23-year-old female, and just found out yesterday that I have contracted HPV/genital warts. I called the four people I’ve slept with in the past year to inform them, saving my current beau (he’s 28, BTW) for last. When I got on the phone with him (he lives in Boston, I’m in New York), I hardly had to say anything because he quickly responded: “Oh yeah, I have HPV too.” We’ve been dating for four months and he never bothered to mention that his last two girlfriends both magically contracted this virus after being with him. He apologized, said he felt terrible that he never told me, that he had planned to tell me soon, asked what he could do to make up for it, etc. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Now, the morning after, I wonder: Is getting an STD just part of being an adult? Or is passing a virus a deal breaker?”

April is STD Awareness Month, and we asked you to share your STD-related stories so we could learn from your each other’s mistakes. If you have a tale involving sores, Valtrex, or a judgy gynecologist, send an email to tips@thefrisky.com. We will keep your identity anonymous.

I would like to take this opportunity to represent people with an STD that obtained it even before their first kiss. As a baby, I played with other little girls that lived in my apartment complex. They had contracted herpes from their mother, and after slobbering all over the same toys, I also contracted the virus. I have always informed my partners of the risk and always taken every precaution not to spread it.  A few years ago, when I was still with my first boyfriend (we had lost our virginities to each other), I got an outbreak of genital herpes. I found out that though we thought we were safe because he never showed any symptoms of contracting it, he was a carrier and had inadvertently given it to my nether regions.  The moral of the story is to never judge someone because of an illness they have—all they deserve is your empathy. 

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

April is STD Awareness Month, but I can tell you, I, Dr. V, do not need a special month to become aware of STDs.  Unfortunately, I’ve had brushes with almost every bacteria and virus in Bum Town.  What can I say, I’m a Frisky gal who has challenged a lot of cowboys to whip out their guns.  So, over the course of this month I’ll be speaking up about some of my more dangerous showdowns.

Hooray! It’s STD Awareness Month! We’ve never met an STD we weren’t simultaneously repulsed and fascinated by, which is why we’ll be unveiling the five things you need to know about the most common STDs for your awareness and enjoyment. First up, THE HERPS.

If one more person sends me a link to a story which says that Rihanna gave Chris Brown herpes and that’s why he allegedly hit and bit her, I will scream. According to no one with any authority, Rihanna “got herpes from a famous rapper and passed it on to her current boyfriend…the R&B singer supposedly just started showing the symptoms and lashed out at his girlfriend as a result.” Who the eff cares if Rihanna DID give Chris Brown herpes that she got from “a famous rapper” (way to get Jay-Z involved, rumor mongers)? Last time I checked, there is NO REASON EVER to assault a woman. Can people quit looking for a reason, any reason, to excuse abuse?  If it were true, it would mean that Brown is just a controlling, abusive a-hole.  Not every scandal can have a back story.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

As winter sets in, I just wanted to put your mind at ease because the cold sore has a bit of a misleading name. It’s a common misconception that weather more frigid than a nun could cause you to get a cold sore, but ironically, too much sun can actually increase your chances of an outbreak. While cold sores are a type of the herpes simplex virus, they are also called “fever blisters” because having the flu can up the odds of getting one. But alas, stress, hormonal changes—like getting your period, skin injuries, a lowered immune system, and added stress—can also bring it on.  But what eggs on a flare up is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the real cause of the problem, the herpes simplex virus. So, here’s everything you need to know about the blister and what you can do with your mister…

There are many ways to let people know you’re into having safe sex. The easiest being to verbalize your needs: “I will not sleep with you unless you use a condom.” If you lived in India, you could always let your phone tell people for you. A cell phone ring tone was launched August 8 and features a singer chanting the word “condom” 50 times. So far it has been downloaded 60,000 times. “A ring tone is a very public thing,” said Yvonne MacPherson, the country director of BBC World Service Trust India. “It’s a way to show you are a condom user and you don’t have any issues with it.” We can think of a few other ringtones we wish existed…

We scored a nice little quote in Page Six Magazine‘s story on “Generation Unsafe Sex”, but some of the other people interviewed left us with the question above. A half dozen or so NYC singles, as well as a Jezebel blogger and a sex educator, were interviewed about the topic of safe sex (and the fact that more and more people are not having it)—this quote, in particular, stuck out:

“Once STDs and death seemed synonymous. Today, the accepted reality is that the STDs one is likely to contract through unprotected sex are more mundane, which is underscored by the fact that so many of them are cured using the same antibiotics you’d use for a sinus infection.”

The CDC has confirmed that a cure for both oral and genital herpes is in the works. Hooray!  An estimated 100 million Americans have the oral herp, while 20% have the kind below the belt. There is a tiny bit of bad news, though. The new treatment being studied would force on one last outbreak, but then kill it forever with antiviral drugs already on the market. A team at Duke University has been leading the way and partnered up with Regulus Therapeutics LLC to make it happen. While they’re all optimistic, the researchers say the next step is testing out their theory on animals. Will monkeys finally make monkey business a little more safe? Let’s hope! [MSNBC via Regina Lynn]

“The guy I’m seeing just told me he has herpes – what should I know to keep myself infection free should we decide to have sex?”—Don’t Want This Gift Thanks, via email

Kudos to your guy for telling you early on. I can only imagine how awkward that conversation must be. “Hey, can you pass the salt? Also, I have herpes.”  But he’s not alone. Apparently 1 in 4 adults in the US have herpes, and some never show any signs that they have it. How scary is that? Now that you know exactly what you’re dealing with, you have to decide how into this guy you are, and if you’re willing to risk getting the disease yourself. There’s no 100% guarantee that if you have sex him that you won’t get it. But there are ways to lower your risk significantly.

I’ve already told you I’ve had HPV. I’ve managed to steer clear of any other STIs, but I know many people who have had herpes, crabs, gonorrhea, or chlamydia. What about you? Take our poll—don’t worry, all results are of course anonymous.

Last week, we told you all about herpes! Now for some even juicier Hollywood gossip—did Ryan Phillippe give the herps to wife Reese Witherspoon and that’s how she found out he was cheating on her? And did things work out so easily between her and Jake Gyllenhaal because he has the gift that keeps on giving—thanks to his cheating ex, Kirsten Dunst. We’re not saying these rumors are true, but this blind item in Janet Charlton’s gossip column late last week got us thinking…. [Janet Charlton’s Hollywood]