While it looks like all is well for Jay Z and Beyonce (PHEW!), another beloved American couple is on the rocks, threatening to destroy my faith in everlasting love. According to TMZ, Mama June and Sugar Bear from TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” and parents to its star pageant queen Alana, are headed for divorce after June discovered Sugar Bear (real name: so what, who cares) cheating on her and kicked him to the curb. Apparently, June has repeatedly caught Sugar Bear trolling online dating sites, including Plenty O’ Fish where his profile handle is “Georgiafighter31054.” Though June and Sugar Bear never married, they had been together for years and Sugar Bear was a de facto father to June’s other children, Pumpkin, Chubbs and Chickadee. They also had a commitment ceremony last year, which was filmed for their TLC show. TMZ says June is over Sugar Bear’s trifling ways and plans on moving out and taking the kids with her. This is so disappointing. Wasn’t June’s biscuit enough for him? Did Sugar Bear stop seeing the beautimousness of her forklift foot? You know what, it’s Sugar Bear’s loss. June deserves someone who appreciates all the vajiggle jaggle she has to offer. [TMZ] [Photo: Splash News]
You can hear Mama June use her very original euphemisms as she gives the girls a talk about the birds and the bees on tonight’s season premiere of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” If it’s unclear, the fruit loop is part of the biscuit, which is a part of the woman’s “privatal area.” It’s called a fruit loop because “guys go loopy over it.” Obviously. [People]
Behold the Thompson family’s genius Halloween costume idea. In case you need help identifying them all: Honey Boo Boo was Kris Jenner, Mama June channeled Kim, Sugar Bear transformed into Bruce Jenner (and managed to look more manly), Anna did her best Kourtney, Jessica killed it as Khloe, Pumpkin slayed Scott Disick, baby Kaitlyn became Penelope Disick and Uncle Poodle rocked the Kanye costume (sans blackface).
“We decided to dress up like the Kardashians because everyone seems to compare our family to them. Now we’re just the redneck version,” explained Mama June. Well played, Boo Boos. [People]
In “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” land, mother/daughter bonding consists of teaching your daughter how to shave your face before painting up the old barn. Because hey, Alana might as well practice getting rid of “turkey neck” hair, which will be sprouting on her face soon enough. In a clip from tonight’s episode, we see Pumpkin wield a razor and shaving cream to help Mama June get beautimous for her big commitment ceremony to Sugar Bear. And in case you were wondering, there will be no biscuit waxing for the big day. June shaves everywhere, baby. I swear, I’m going on the June Thompson beauty plan where you fart to stay thin, wash your hair in the sink and become more beautimous by being happy. Preach!
I’ve already seen the photos of the big event and they are spectacular — there’s a bouncy house and camouflage cake! — so I’m looking forward to the televised version. [People via DListed]
It was only a matter of time until Alana Thompson better known as Honey Boo Boo was initiated into the world of drag. It’s a natural fit for a fierce 7-year-old who already has a stage name, wears hairpieces and knows how to read a bitch like a pro. TMZ reports that Uncle Poodle and Mama June took little miss Boo Boo to Hamburger Mary’s, a gay burger joint in Jacksonville, Florida to play Drag Queen bingo (where Mama June made her Bingo face, no doubt). Allegedly, so many Queens wanted autographs and photos that the Thompsons put out a beer pitcher as an impromptu tip jar and promised to donate the funds to a cyber-bullying charity. WERK! [TMZ] [Photo from Hamburger Mary's]
Mama June painted her old barn, wiggled her vajiggle jaggle into a beautimous, camouflage gown and tucked her forklift foot into some bedazzled sneakers for a ceremony of some sort this weekend. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she and Sugar Bear got hitched. But they don’t normally have bouncy houses and serve sketti at weddings, do they? You can check it out the highlights of the big event for yourself and see what you think. I believe a mazel tov is in order.