Even the laziest cooks in the world might be moved to break out the pots n’ pans for Valentine’s Day and whip up a romantical amuse bouche or a decadent desert thingy courtesy of Pinterest. Not me! Too much work. Why bother when you can turn on your special someone without ever turning on the oven? That’s right, kids. Harness the power of aphrodisiacs and cook smarter, not harder. Behold my super simple, never-before-seen sexy V-Day recipes. Bon appetite, lazy lovers!
Ah, here we go. A video that will satisfy the brokenhearted this V-Day. Literally, it’s a video of the top ten ways to break a heart with super special slow mo effects. If you revenge is what you’re seeking this Valentine’s Day, live vicariously through this video and suppress any urges you might have to bust out your chainsaw or an axe or bow and arrow or baseball bat. Really, he or she is not worth it. Just keep watching this video until you feel better. [Laughing Squid]
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. We gather you knew this based on the high volume of Zales commercials. So, here’s the deal. The internet is gonna try to convince you that you will have the most mind-blowing sex of your life of February 14th. It will sell you the dream. It will encourage you to purchase special sex paraphernalia just for the occasion. You don’t need it! Let’s be realistic here. You’ll probably be too tired to fuck after that 16 course meal or passed out by 10 p.m., crashing from a chocolate high. Be forewarned. Here are some sexy products you shouldn’t waste your money on this V-Day.
You are the hottest yoga teacher I’ve ever had. And that’s saying a lot because I’ve been practicing for 16 years now. Your body, your face, your demeanor … all extremely HOT. But here’s the weird thing: I am not physically attracted to you in the least. Not at all. I find the things you do and say during class absolutely ridiculous. But yet, I adore you. It’s weird and complicated. I think I have a platonic crush on you. Let me explain. I’m kind of in awe of you. Like a unicorn, it’s hard to believe that you really exist. Keep reading »
I refuse to be one of those people spewing bitterness about Valentine’s Day. As a single person, no, it’s not my favorite holiday. But it wasn’t my favorite holiday when I was coupled either. Aside from the pricey prix fixe dinner menus, the reason being, Valentine’s Day is limiting. This concept of “romantic love,” that it’s the only kind of love that is transcendent or important, is just dumb. It sets you up for failure. If you don’t have it, does that mean you’re unloved or unlovable? Um, NO! Really, we all have access to many different forms of love, and if we’re wise, we are pursuing all of them and not just putting all of our love eggs in one basket. It’s easy to forget that. So, I’ve taken a few moments to reflect upon some really simple ways to invite more love in this Valentine’s Day that have nothing to do with romantic love. Keep reading »