Here is a confession — though I write a dating column, and have for quite some time, I’m not currently dating anyone right now. The last relationship I was in was about two years ago, and in the time between then and now, there have been plenty of dates, but nothing has stuck. Dating in general isn’t hard, but it takes work, energy, time that could be used doing hundreds of other things, like learning how to weave or baking all the bread you eat yourself, or creating a rooftop garden out of two sad planters and a handful of seeds. The way we choose to spend our time is our choice alone, not something to be judged, and not something that we should feel ashamed of. I know this. As a person who willfully chooses to spend many nights trawling beauty blogs on the internet and conducting deep, vast research on the best pink lipstick for my exact skin tone and coloring, I know that the way I spend my time could be spent better, but I know that the choice to spend time on really anything is mine alone. That’s why I’m perfectly comfortable coming out and saying it — right now, I’m choosing to focus on my career instead of finding a partner. Keep reading »
Trying to maintain two careers, visual art and music, and to be a mother at the same time, always felt kind of impossible. When you’re feeling that you can and should do everything, then you never feel like you’re going to achieve anything. I think what kept me going was this deep understanding that it wasn’t going to be perfect, and that it didn’t have to be.
God, I love Kim Gordon. The ex-Sonic Youth band member has a piece up at Dame magazine (excerpted from a new book called Mistakes I Made At Work) about the lessons she’s learned as her career and personal life have evolved from artist to bad member to mother to solo artist, sometimes doing all at once. The “having it all” discussion/debate has frustrated me because it all too often sets women up for failure or at least feeling like they’ve failed. But as Kim suggests, if you cut yourself a break and accept that imperfection is a part of life, you have a much better shot at achieving at and having maybe not it all but all that really matters. Check out Gordon’s full essay at the link — and check out the book too, looks cool! [Dame Magazine]
I’ve always felt a little meh about Emmy Rossum, probably unfairly based on the fact that she dated Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows, with his fake dreamlocks, and I’m just like HOW? But now I think she may actually be really funny and cool, based purely on the fact that she turned Gisele Bundchen’s “Having It All” vision board-essential Instagram photo into a meme. Tori Amos should be next, only she should be breastfeeding a pig, natch. [Instagram via NYMag.com]
Welp, my vision board is going in the trash and this is going up in its place. [Instagram]
Recently, I read a Tweet from someone — oh, fine, it was Julia Allison — who had just finished reading the Vogue interview with Gisele Bundchen and said she challenged anyone to tell her the woman didn’t have it all. OK, I’ll bite. I’m definitely not convinced the woman has it all. Sure, she’s drop-dead beautiful, rich, famous, has a successful career, and is married to a hot football star whom she has a brand-new baby with, but so what? Two weeks ago you could have said Sandra Bullock had it all, too, and looked what happened there. And call me cynical, but I have a hard time believing that a guy like Tom Brady, a handsome professional athlete who, let’s not forget, left his ex-girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan, when she was pregnant with their first baby to hook up with Gisele, is like some super committed, stand-up guy who would never dream of cheating on his wife. Please! So, no, I wouldn’t say Gisele necessarily “has it all.” But, what is having it all, anyway? Keep reading »
Earlier this week, New York Times columnist, Ross Douthat, wrote an op-ed piece about how feminism has made women increasingly unhappy over the last 30 years. Despite being wealthier, healthier and better educated than they were a generation ago, women in post-feminist America aren’t as happy as they used to be. He suggested this may have something to do with the number of women “stuck raising kids alone,” a “depressing” lifestyle that’s much more common among women in the lower socioeconomic class. This hardly explains why so many wealthy women in East Hampton are so miserable, though, Douthat admits. He suggests women’s unhappiness may have something to do with their politics — maybe women “prefer egalitarian, low-risk societies, and the cowboy capitalism of the Reagan era had an anxiety-inducing effect on the American female,” he writes. Um, sure. Or, it could also be the famous “second shift,” Douthat offers, “in which women continue to do the lion’s share of household chores even as they’re handed more and more workplace responsibility.” Hmm, you think? And whose fault is it that women continue doing the lion’s share of household chores? Is it possible that women, who have more options now than ever, are making the wrong choices, creating their own unhappiness?
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