After a thorough inspection of available costumes for men, I have come to the conclusion that the Halloween industry is conspiring to sabotage dudes’ chances of getting laid. There are just so, so many horribly unsexy Halloween costumes for men. We’ve showed you a bunch in the past, but believe it or not, there are more. Last time I checked, Spam was about as far from an aphrodisiac as you could get. But this is hardly the worst offender. Keep on clicking to see even more Halloween costumes that will guarantee you a sexless Halloween.
Now these are the kinds of sexy Halloween costumes that I approve of. Jillian Tamaki knows that the most important thing you can wear on Halloween is your sense of irony. I’m open to dressing as a Smelly Old Gym Sock this year. I wonder how you get it to smell really bad. [Danforth]
In Stanley Kubrick’s 1963 film adaptation of the controversial novel Lolita, Sue Lyons is a disturbingly uncanny Dolores Haze. She embodies the nymphet to the last gum-snapping, downy-limbed detail as she preens before her middle-aged lover Humbert Humbert. The film sees Lolita dressed precociously in heavily ruffled baby-doll dresses and, in her most famous image, little more than a halter-top bikini.
I can’t recommend emulating the character in any way other than her vintage wardrobe. But if you’re going all out this Halloween, a heady dose of her characteristic seduction can’t hurt! Keep reading »
When the dead walk and the world is plunged into chaos, the only dating advice that will matter is this: the couple that beheads zombies together, stays together. But that advice doesn’t just work in a dark future where corpses hunger for human flesh. It is very practical dating advice for right now, in these last, few remaining years when the deceased stay in their coffins, rather than clawing out from their graves.
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Hey fellas! Have absolutely no idea what you’re gonna be for Halloween? Allow me to suggest consulting this infographic, which has graphed a plethora of traditional and unique Halloween costumes for dudes based on their sex appeal to the ladies. I’m not saying you must appeal to our collective lady boners by throwing on a lumberjack or Ryan Gosling in “Drive” costume; in fact, if you want to do the opposite, this chart suggests you dress up as Martin from “Human Centipede 2.” See, wasn’t that helpful?
Halloween is about turning heads and causing a ruckus. You and your trick-or-treating partner will be the most controversial couple at the party if you decide to pay homage to one of the biggest sex scandals of the year. I mean, who could possibly ignore Anthony Weiner and the infamous cell phone from whence the d**k pics came? Click through for more sex scandal costumes for couples.