Oh dang, shit is about to get real. Gwyneth Paltrow has finally — finally! — joined Instagram. She’s only posted one photo so far, in which she’s just chillin’ with designer Jason Wu at his studio. As Gwyneth does. Ugh, I am so excited to hate follow Goopy even though I know I will ultimately dissolve into a puddle of envy and sadness. Worth it! Here are 30 photos we expect to see pop up on Gwyneth’s Instagram. Keep reading »
Ah, yes, just what the Internet needs: one more myopic blonde celebrity so enamored of her perfect, precious life that she’s deluded into genuinely believing that she can help you, yes, you, you darling humble peon, attain a similar perfect, precious, curated life. (Aw, it’s so cute how you can’t even curate your own life!) Thanks, Blake Lively! What would we do without you and the new company you plan to launch, the main element of which is “about storytelling and … about living a very one-of-a-kind, curated life, and how to achieve that” — turn to GOOP for all of our life-curating needs? Heavens forbid. Curated, in this context … what does it mean? Does anyone have a GOOP dictionary on hand? Oh, no, my apologies, Blake, I recognize that “there’s nothing like it out there — it’s without a genre.” Reaaaaaal sorry about that. [via Jezebel]
“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun — how can it be bad for you? I think we should all get sun and fresh air. I don’t think anything that is natural can be bad for you — it’s really good to have at least 15 minutes of sun a day.”
– Dr. Gwyneth Paltrow, noted dermatologist, recently told British Cosmopolitan that she disagrees with doctors who advise people against tanning. On one hand, this quote — which has to be the stupidest thing to ever come out of the actress’s mouth — just slightly endears me to her, as a fellow sunshine enthusiast. On the other hand, OMFG what a stupid quote. I may tan, but I also know it’s bad for me and take the necessary precautions (frequent reapplications of at least SPF 30, frequent visits to a dermatologist not named Dr. Paltrow) to at least lessen my chances of getting skin cancer. I agree that 15 minutes of sun per day is good for you — the body needs vitamin D — but the notion that anything natural can’t be bad for you is straight up dim. How about various poisonous plants, GP? Care to put some of those in your kale juice smoothie? [via Us Weekly]
It’s always a bit uncomfortable when famous women accidentally (or on purpose) overshare about what kind of hairstyles they’re rocking down south. Recently, a chance to have dinner with Gwyneth Paltrow was auctioned off to a pair of Australian DJs for $30,000. Why they paid that much, I don’t know. But luckily they were recording the whole thing because during their date with Gwyneth, she had a few too many drinks and talked about her vadge:
“‘I got a big ’70s bush.’ Which I was kidding. But then it was all a disaster. And now I look like an eight-year-old girl, basically …. Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down …. Cheers to our hairless vaginas!”
I don’t know what feels more uncomfortable to know: the fact that Gwyneth’s vagina looks like her daughter’s or that Cameron Diaz restrains her while she gets waxed. Well, at least she wasn’t complaining about how boring the Met Gala was. That’s really bad first date conversation. [WOW]
Click through for more details about famous ladies’ pubic hairstyles.
Many people don’t know this, but there was a time, in between filming “Shakespeare in Love” and “Sliding Doors,” that patron saint of GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow, was in a punk band. They were called Cockjuice, and they played all the clubs on the punk circuit, amassing violent and excited crowds at ABC No Rio and squats around Europe. Gwyneth gained quite a reputation as an outspoken proponent of socialism — calling on Americans to take the streets to protest late ’90s Clinton-era fascist American policies, and the inheritance tax. She was known as an inveterate rabble-rouser and sometimes-drunk, whose pre-show routine always included at least a fifth of bourbon and a punch or two in the greenroom wall.
For several months, Cockjuice rode high on the fumes of DIY success. But then, one day, Gwyneth had a soul-searching revelation: acting and giving diet advice was where she was really needed. So she gave it all up — the shows, the glory, the post-show drunken fistfights — and settled down with the singer of Coldplay. Keep reading »
“I’m never going [to the Met Ball] again. … It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”
— You hear that, Anna Wintour? Gwyneth Paltrow did not enjoy her time at the Met Ball, and she will not be attending next year. So, on that note, is there an empty seat I could fill? … What about an empty dress? There’s gotta be an empty dress. [New York Post]
Gwyneth Paltrow generally leaves a bad taste in my mouth — a taste eerily reminiscent of wilted kale — but I am capable of appreciating aspects of her personality that are actually kind of endearing. Like the solid effort she put into the embarrassing task of imitating famous rappers like Jay-Z, Kanye West and Macklemore, on “Ellen” yesterday. Her Beyonce isn’t bad either. But that Chris Martin impression needs work.