In this week’s installment of her newsletter GOOP, Darling Gwyneth would like you to try a thing called “Sex Bark.” No, it’s not a weird noise you make during sex, it is a chocolate bark. A chocolate bark that will cost you at least $93 to make, and which contains a thing called “Sex Dust,” which itself costs $60 for four ounces. Keep reading »
Conscious uncoupler and noted lifestyle purveyor Gwyneth Paltrow graced the stages of “The Tonight Show” to perform a charming and insipid medley of popular rap songs, Broadway-style. It is, in short, a nightmare. Let us count the ways: That jumpsuit, which pulls strangely at the crotch; her smug-as-shit expression right before she launches into “Anaconda“; Jimmy Fallon’s egregious winky-winky shtick that has been tired since 2011. This is really just as annoying as it sounds, friends! What she does to Big Sean’s “IDFWU” should be illegal. Check it out, above. [The Fader]
Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2014 holiday gift guide is out, and it’s about as ridiculous as you’d expect. E! and ETOnline both added up the total cost of all the items on it (not including those listed as “price upon request”), and E! came up with $109,384 while ET came up with $107,309.49. By Newser’s count, there are 212 items in the guide not listed as “price upon request,” making the average cost per item about $511. Read more on Newser…
All hail, Martha Stewart, The Queen Of Shade. In what has to be the Haley’s Comet of Shades, for it is rare to witness a shade this spectacular, Martha used her magazine, Martha Stewart Living, to troll the organic, locally-grown, macrobiotic shit out of Gwyneth Paltrow. The latest issue of the magazine features a story called “Conscious Coupling” all about pies — the title a direct reference to Gwyneth’s “conscious uncoupling” from ex Chris Martin — which includes the following descriptive text:
Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.
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Last night, Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a Democratic National Committee fundraiser at her LA home with a guest list that included President Obama, and announced that the issue of equal pay is “very important to me as a working mother.” Here we go again. (She also told Obama that night that he’s “so handsome I can’t speak properly,” but that’s a whole different kind of facepalm for another day). Paltrow, a mother of two who makes $19 million a year being a movie star and “running” GOOP, sees herself as a martyr for the masses of working moms because she seems to believe that her ultra-comfy lifestyle is a prime example of the typical life of a working mother. While I think it’s a great thing that a Hollywood star is attempting to use their influence to advocate for women (and I think she really does have good intentions), her efforts are completely off base. Again.
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Gwyneth Paltrow, who loves juice cleanses and is responsible for bringing the term “conscious uncoupling” to the mainstream, is no stranger to insults. The skinny, rich, blonde Hollywood star gets plenty of flak for her lifestyle brand GOOP, where she sells eco-friendly nail polish and monogrammable reclaimed-wood skateboards while sharing stories from her fabulous life and namedropping her celebrity pals.
Paltrow’s tone deafness at trying to come across “accessible” to her largely female fanbase is ripe for criticism, and it has become a touchstone of the way that many stars fail at appearing relatable to us regular folks. But there’s one word in particular that keeps coming up in criticisms of Paltrow and others like her that deserves a closer look: “smug.”
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