Why hello there, Pete Wentz, glad you’re here. We have something rather important to discuss with you. It has come to our attention that you’re wearing far too much makeup, even if your intention was to make it “pop” on the red carpet. In fact, we’ve tolerated your guyliner ways for a long time now, but when you show up to the party wearing more paint than your girl and your name is not David Bowie, then that’s when you know you need to shut it down, my friend. The heavy pancake foundation (in the wrong shade for your skin tone we might add), the extravagant eye makeup, the shimmery lip gloss—it’s all too much to take in. Now go get yourself some industrial-strength makeup remover and get the hell out of here.

Some may say that going from super stylish clothes to sweatpants is a downward progression. But maybe it’s actually an upwards one. Coiffed city gal Laura, from Project Runway Season 3, may have feared being a sloppily dressed mom, but it turns out evolution has already put plenty of females in the animal kingdom into nature’s “sweats.”  While many female animals have the less showy appearance of their species, oddly enough, the males tend to get the fancy dress—like mallard ducks with their bright emerald feathers. Darwin thought that over time the boys had developed those traits to attract the girls, like glam rockers that use guyliner. 

What makes rockers hot other than skinny pants and good hair?  Guyliner, aka a thin, manly line made with a black pencil that says, “I’ve got a steady hand.” And an impressive string of straight men have been rockin’ the glam look.  Like the guy we all wanted to loose our virginities to, Jordan Catalano, er, I mean Jared Leto. While back in the day his TV classmate Ricky was workin’ the liner, now Leto strokes a guitar and a black pencil as the lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars.  But Leto’s not alone in the black and the blues—plenty of his fellow rock n’ rollers are lining up too. Everyone, from emo babyface Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance to 40-something Californicator Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has been penciling in.  Especially Ashlee Simpson’s other half, teeny boppin’ Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz.  Swoon for yourself….