Tag Archives: guy talk

Guy Talk: On Being A Dude In A Sexist Society

Proving Masculinity
Why owning a gun doesn't make you even more of a man. Read More »
Sex All The Time?
no sex
Contrary to stereotype, men don't want sex all the time. Read More »
"Hipster Sexism"
Please, can the phrase "hipster sexism" not be a thing? Read More »
sexism

Late last month, in the midst of several recent and prominent examples in the steady stream of stories about the challenges that women in the tech industry face, Complex.com published its list of “The 40 Hottest Women In Tech.” Tone deaf move, fellas! People were understandably upset. Maybe if it had been published a month or two earlier or later, a big website that caters explicitly to the libidos of straight dudes tossing up a list that ranks accomplished women on a scale of “hotness” would have just been another eye-rolling example of the sort of overt-yet-casual sexism that women in the industry (and many others) have to deal with on a regular basis. But the timing couldn’t have been worse. The author of the piece, Luke Winkie, went to The Daily Beast to explain why he’d taken the assignment and how, after his editors got their hands on it, it didn’t turn out the way that he’d planned.

Luke is my friend, and I know the position he was in: Dude is a young freelancer who got offered almost a month’s rent to write something that he knew was kind of shitty. He thought that he could make that shitty thing a little bit better (he wrote at the Beast that he “got the idea that maybe we could make a list called ‘The Hottest Women In Tech’ sound as earnest and empowering and good-hearted as it could possible be”), and then it didn’t work out. I’m not here to defend the guy – he can do that himself – but I can relate, because I had been in similar positions in the past. When you’re a straight, white, cisgender dude who benefits materially from living and working in a sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic society, it’s easy to overestimate the amount of power you have. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: Consent Isn’t As Simple As “No Means No”

Guy Talk: Sex
no sex
Men don't want to have sex all the time. Read More »
Straight Guy, Trans Rights
Dan on why a straight guy like him cares about transgender rights. Read More »
Guy Talk: Friendzone
What guys need to know about the friendzone. Read More »

Back in my 20s, I used to party quite a bit, sometimes to ridiculous excess. Drunkenness was rampant, and so were the accompanying shenanigans.

Once, a large group of us took a limo bus downtown for a coworker’s birthday. On the bus was a girl I recognized from work, but had never met. We ended up chatting sporadically throughout the night. But since we were constantly moving around, our exchanges never lasted more than a few minutes at a time.

By the end of the night, she and I were probably the only two people still coherent enough to carry on a conversation. Back at the birthday girl’s apartment, everyone else having either passed out or stumbled home, we found ourselves sitting next to each other on the couch.

There had been a tiny sliver of flirtation between us, but mostly, it had just been idle chatter up to that point. To be honest, I hadn’t noticed any indication that she was the least bit interested in me. Then again, I hadn’t telegraphed any interest in her, either. But that was because I hadn’t been interested in her. Not until that moment, anyway. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: Lena Dunham Is Sexy And That’s The Final Word On That

"Girls" Recap
Watch Hannah hook up with a hot older man. Read More »
Mind Of Man
All of John DeVore's Mind of Man columns. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: "Girls"
You shouldn't do these things with your ex. Read More »

The best way to define what is “sexy” is to first define what is not sexy. Duck face? Not sexy. Fake tans? Not sexy. Internet think pieces about how some young woman making millions in the public aquarium isn’t sexy? Not sexy AND IRONIC.

Lena Dunham’s character Hannah in “Girls” is sexy. Apparently this is a thing that has to be written. She combusts with sexual energy and heartbreaking vulnerability — she simultaneously claws out of and slinks around comfortably in her tattooed skin. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: How Do You Handle Your Relationship Issues?

Guy Talk: Friendzone
What guys need to know about the friendzone. Read More »
Guy Talk: First Date
There was a reason he never called you after that great first date. Read More »
Guy Talk: Waiting
No man is worth waiting for. Really. Read More »

Let’s say you and your significant other are having an issue—one that isn’t a relationship killer, but is serious enough that it can’t be ignored. How do you deal with it?

Here’s what I do: I go into a mental huddle. I sit down, by myself, and I replay the situation in my head. I think about what exactly I might be frustrated with, what would need to happen for this frustration to go away, and what steps I can take to get myself there. Next, I think about what the issue might be for her, what exactly she might be frustrated with, and what an acceptable solution might be for her. From there, I decide how best to tackle the issue. Only then am I ready to talk about it. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: What Dudes Need To Know About The “Friendzone”

Proving Masculinity
Why owning a gun doesn't make you even more of a man. Read More »
Shaming "Nice Guys"
nice guys of OK Cupid
All about the Nice Guys Of OK Cupid Tumblr. Read More »
"Nice Guys" Who Rape
Intent isn’t everything, but it does matter. Read More »

Let’s talk for a minute about the “friendzone.”

Don’t worry, fellas, this isn’t a lecture. It’s an advice column, because there is something you deserve to know: There is a very simple, nigh-foolproof way to avoid ending up in the situation that that exceptionally loaded word describes.

And I will tell you what it is. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: Our First Date Was Nothing Spectacular

Guy Talk: Cheating
This guy doesn't regret cheating. Read More »
Guy Talk: Waiting
No man is worth waiting for. Really. Read More »
Guy Talk: Race
Why this guy dates outside his race. Read More »

Today, December 7th, marks the one-year anniversary of my first date with Melissa.

I wish I could say that I knew from our very first date that this was going to be something special. That the moment I saw her, I was smitten. That our first date was the most amazing date I’d ever been on, full of spontaneous fun and spark-filled exhilaration.

I wish I could say all that. But I’d be lying.

Our first date went well, but honestly, it wasn’t anything spectacular. I certainly can’t say that it stood out above every other first date I’ve been on. Even the circumstances of our meeting weren’t very fairy tale-like. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: I Don’t Regret Cheating

Is He Cheating?
How to tell if he's runnin' around on you. Read More »
Guy Talk: Jerk
Why guys act like jerks when they break up with you. Read More »
Not The One
Four signs he's not the guy for you. Read More »

Do you know how, on job applications, they always ask if you’ve ever been arrested? And then they invariably follow it up with, “If yes, please explain?”

Do you ever get the feeling that if you write “yes” on the first blank, there is absolutely nothing you can write on the second that will save your application from a permanent trip to the reject pile?

Well, there’s one relationship question that I believe operates under the same premise. That question is: “Have you ever cheated on someone?”

Sure, you can answer yes and try to explain. You can stutter and stall all you want. But, the moment your mouth starts to make that “y…” sound, your forehead will immediately be stamped with a giant, red “CHEATER” in indelible ink.

So, I’ll confess now. Yes, I’ve cheated on a girlfriend. Stamp away. But, I’m still going to give my grand explanation. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: No Man Is Worth Waiting Around For

Guy Talk: First Move
The real reason women shouldn't make the first move. Read More »
Guy Talk: Jerk
Why guys act like jerks when they break up with you. Read More »

At some point, you’ve probably fallen for a guy who just isn’t in the “right place” when you meet him. Maybe it’s obvious from his inability to communicate his feelings. Or, maybe he just flat-out tells you that he’s not ready to be in a relationship.

Do you wait for him? Do you tell yourself to be patient and let him sort through his issues?

Someone did that for me once. For five years. Would you be at all surprised to find out that it never worked out between us? Keep reading »

Guy Talk: I Date Outside My Race Because My Race Doesn’t Want To Date Me

Guy Talk: First Move
The real reason women shouldn't make the first move. Read More »
Guy Talk: Romantics
Guys can be hopeless romantics too. Read More »
Guy Talk: Jerk
Why guys act like jerks when they break up with you. Read More »

In case my last name doesn’t make it obvious enough, I’m Asian. At the same time, as some of my friends have noticed, my last few girlfriends have all been decidedly not Asian.

To their mock-raised eyebrows, my response is, “I’m sorry. It’s not my fault.”

Okay, okay, I know what they’re thinking: As an Asian, I’m supposed to like “my own kind,” right?

Sure. And eat rice … and love math … and know just how much starch to add to your laundry … and all those other uncomfortable, racial stereotypes we’re not supposed to talk about.

Not surprisingly, I’ve often been slapped with the “Twinkie” label. In case you aren’t hip on your semi-offensive urban speak, a Twinkie is an Asian who acts white—that is, yellow on the outside, but white on the inside.

But, here’s a secret: My preference for dating non-Asian women wasn’t a conscious choice. Keep reading »

Guy Talk: The Real Reason Women Shouldn’t Make The First Move

Guy Talk: First Date
There was a reason he never called you after that great first date. Read More »
Guy Talk: Romantics
Guys can be hopeless romantics too. Read More »
Guy Talk: First Kiss
One guy talks about making the first move. Read More »

Maybe you catch him standing at the other end of the bar, slyly checking you out. Maybe you met him before and flirted with him, but he never asked for your phone number. Or, maybe you’ve already hung out with him a few times, but a casual arm flung over your shoulders is about the extent of the physical contact he’s made so far.

So, you saunter over to him and say hi.

Or, the next time you see him, you say, “So, are you ever going to ask for my phone number?”

Or, as you’re sitting on the couch next to him, streaming yet another movie on Netflix, you turn to look him in the eyes, and you decide to just go for it and kiss him.

Like that daydreaming moron you’re stuck behind at the busy intersection, these are the guys who make you throw your arms up in the air and yell, “You’ve got the green light! Just go already!”

Yes, there are a lot of timid guys out there.

But now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Timid guys aren’t as numerous as you may think. In fact, that cute guy who flirts with you and acts interested, but never actually does anything about it, can turn out to be a totally different breed of guy. He’s not timid, or awkward, or nervous. He’s manipulating you.

Keep reading »