When I was getting clean and sober in a Twelve Step program many years ago, there was one phrase from the literature that always resonated with me. We addicts have been, the book said, the “architects of our own adversity.” Yes, I thought the first time I read that. It’s time to stop blaming others for my own pain. It’s time to take responsibility.
That same phrase comes to mind when I think about Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs). I’ve been crossing verbal swords with the MRAs for many years, particularly since 2004 when I began to develop a public presence as a male feminist writer and professor. I learned quickly that not all MRAs were the same; some offered thoughtful criticism while others offered only nasty invective. (Look up “Hugo Schwyzer Mangina” if you need evidence of the latter.) Keep reading »
Like countless American children, I grew up hearing the nursery rhyme that claimed that little boys were made of “snips and snails and puppy-dog tails” while girls were “sugar and spice and everything nice.” Attached as I was as a small boy to our pet dachshund, I thought puppy-dog tails were a fine thing indeed, but the point of the rhyme wasn’t lost on me. Boys were dirty, girls were clean and pure. Keep reading »
When you think of American women, what do you think of? If you said an incredibly diverse group of people with varying interests, shades of hair, skin colors, religions, and creeds, then you’re right. But one guy feels otherwise and has dedicated an entire blog to bashing us American women, claiming we are all the same.
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I have a fair number of female friends, and sometimes dating is hard as a result. I’m not Casanova — I write on the internet for a living, for Christ’s sake — but my girlfriends often get jealous of my girl-gendered friends. They think that if I’m hanging out with a female friend, I’m probably having sex with them. If I were having sex on the side, this article would be titled something like “How To Tell If Your Ugly Boyfriend Has Somehow Figured Out How To Sleep With More Than One Person.” Unfortunately, my motives are as pure as they come. I’m trying to get my girlfriend to stop bothering me. Keep reading »
Newsflash! Ladies, your man doesn’t always want to hang out with your vagina. Sometimes the most erotic and exciting thing in the bedroom is your hand. No way, this can’t be true, you’re thinking. Aren’t handjobs for sleepaway camp and when I’m on antibiotics? Aren’t they passé like beepers and hotmail accounts? The short answer is NO. But lucky for you, I’m going to give you the long answer. Finally, someone will stand up to the powerful vagina lobbyists in Washington and explain how our nation got hoodwinked into thinking handjobs are lame. My theory is simple and, naturally, revolves around baseball and Benicio Del Toro. Keep reading »
The clever lyric goes: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” But an even greater lyric might go: “Life is what happens while you’re feeling about 11 years old.” I’m often told by my shrink that the greatest challenge for men is reconciling that they are in fact adults, while the majority of women he sees are in therapy to stave off turning into their own mother.
So let’s see: that would mean my wife and I (and most other couples) are quite the fetching pair: An adolescent boy strolling down the street with his lady’s mother.
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I used to think that when a relationship ends, there’s no reason to see the other person again, other than in casual public settings. After all, it’s called “ending a relationship” for a reason. All of that changed when I dated one of my long-time friends. She’s excellent. When things didn’t work out romantically, we sort of effortlessly switched back to making fart jokes with each other, almost as though we’d never seen each other naked. Come to think of it, I’m not sure that we ever did. I need to buy a camera phone. Anyways, I now realize that there are some great benefits to being friendly with an ex, as long as there aren’t any more sexy moisture-time feelings between the two parties. However, there’s an added hitch: the jealousy of your new partner. Keep reading »
Sure, we all look like Brad and Angie after a few shots on a moonlit night. Tanned, toned and ready for some serious lovemaking, we hop into our lover’s bed for a night of hot-shadow-sex. But assuming it’s more than a one-night stand, sooner or later it’s time for Vulnerable Sex. You know the kind—unholy sunshine beaming into that studio apartment revealing last night’s calamari in your teeth, his uni-brow in full force and that stubborn bacne you just can’t get rid of. I can recall a session of first-morning-sex with a girlfriend that featured me burying my face into a pillow to shield an epic chin zit.
Good morning, varicose-vain! Top o’ the morning, stubborn stomach flab, cellulite and neck scar! How’d ya sleep, blackhead, wart, mole, and blotch? Love at first light can be quite traumatic; it’s our eyes’ version of unprotected sex. After the jump, my 5 tips for surviving vulnerable morning sex … Keep reading »
It was 11:45 p.m. on a Wednesday night. My wife and I were exhausted and cozied up in bed together. We both had one thing on our minds. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the same thing. I was craving sex and she was craving the season three finale of “Friday Night Lights.” We were at a standstill, experiencing what some might call a “21st century marital pickle.” It seems Netflix and sites like Hulu just might be the modern couple’s greatest obstacles to a steady sex life. The continuous supply of great TV is so accessible and so compelling, many a good couple become hooked like crackheads and forget about making their own entertainment. Through burning eyes and next day regret, couples machete through a season of “Lost” or “The Wire,” ignoring or forgetting to fuel their loins. But on this night, something in me snapped and I drew a line in the sand … with my penis. “Babe,” I said, “we’re in a losing battle against awesome TV. It will never end. There are too many TV shows out there; when do we get to do it?” Keep reading »
Men fear commitment the way that dogs fear vacuum cleaners. And actually, men kind of fear vacuum cleaners, too. But marriage is a scary prospect for any person, and guys tend to ridicule friends who take the plunge and decide to propose. Yeah, it’s completely juvenile and undeniably silly. Guys try not to show their emotions, and since marriage is associated with one of the strongest emotions around, some guys associate all aspects of marriage — particularly proposals — with a sort of loss of dignity. It’s even worse if a guy proposes and his girlfriend says no. That’s a lot of egg to wipe off of your face. After the jump are a few ways that guys can propose and come off like a hero … no matter what his girl says. Keep reading »