For the past few years now, I’ve had a sporadic conversation with a close friend (I’ll call her “Jenna”) about her admitted weakness for a certain type of guy. The problem, in her own words, is that she falls for Prince Charmings who end up transforming into toads.
Recently, we turned to the topic of “nice guys.” In particular, Jenna had met a guy who seemed like a total gentleman at first, but then managed to fire off several red flags by the end of the night…. Keep reading »
My girlfriend and I moved in together six months ago, and as to be expected, it’s taken some time to get used to each other’s idiosyncrasies – doing the laundry, putting away dishes, and so on. For instance, Melissa sorts our clean towels according to size. I, on the other hand, prefer to separate by use, because… eww, gross. The gym towels should never touch the bath towels! Even if they’re clean, that’s disgusting! Right?
Still, I pride myself on the fact that I don’t get annoyed with her over petty things. When she does something that’s the complete opposite of what I’d do, I remind myself that it’s not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, we work something out. We always work something out.
But that wasn’t always how I operated. Keep reading »
“How do women decide to begin a sexual relationship? Pricing!”
The above video showed up in my Facebook feed the other night. It’s from a purported think tank, the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, which is actually a Christian think tank/advocacy group. The video claims to be a scientific look at the “Economics of Sex” based on the concept that men want sex for its own sake but women want sex for intimacy, security and, ultimately, marriage. Therefore sex is a “resource,” subject to supply and demand, which women control. “Men know that sex is cheap these days if they know where to look!” we are told. The video then implores women to dole out the supply of their resource to men (the “demand”) in exchange for other stuff. Essentially: ‘All sex is prostitution and women are prostitutes.’ Hello, Christian Right! Thought you were in there somewhere.
There’s so much in this video that makes me mad, I almost don’t know where to start: the fact that it’s a call to female solidarity drawn and directed entirely by men; the fact that they talk about women ‘policing women’s relationship interests’ when they mean slut shaming; the comparison of the birth control pill to chemical pesticides; the blazing heteronormativity. Smart women have already chimed in on this stuff, though, so I’ll focus on the completely bullshit notion that “men want sex more than women do.” I’m not saying this statement is untrue — I’m saying it’s utter nonsense to which no truth value can be assigned.
Keep reading »
“I don’t think you’d make a very good ‘Bachelor,’” Jessie says to me, halfway through the second episode of the current season. (“The Bachelor” is appointment snuggle viewing in our marriage.) For some reason, it really bristles me.
“What, you don’t think I could show a couple dozen ladies a good time?” I remember asking. “I would be a great ‘Bachelor’! I’m a fun date! I’m a good time guy! You should know that about me by now.”
“Of course you are,” she reassures me. “I just meant I don’t think you would fall in love with the kind of girls who end up on ‘The Bachelor.’”
“Well … fine, I guess you’re right,” I admit. “Just don’t forget: good time guy. I could date the shit out of these women if I wanted to. They would know they were being romanced and they wouldn’t forget it.”
“They would like it, too.”
“Alright!” Keep reading »
I remember the first time I went back to Jessie’s apartment after a pretty awesome date. Like most first times, I felt excited and more than a little nervous. I already knew I liked her more than anyone I’d met in a long time, so the stakes were high. Also, we’d both eaten more cheese that evening than I consider ideal for hot sex.
I figured she was thinking along the same lines when she stopped me in the middle of wrestling with her bra clasp. (I’m about raw passion, not fine motor skills.) Instead, she crossed to her dresser, flipped her laptop open and punched up a Spotify playlist. I couldn’t help laughing a little when I recognized the beginning of Kelis’ “In Public,” one of the sillier sex jams of the early aughties. But the extra sway in her hips as she walked back to the bed shut me up.
I later found out that the playlist was straightforwardly titled “Sex Songs” — an ever-growing and evolving beast of a thing she’s been gradually adding to for years. It still forms the background to most of our bedroom-bound sex and I’ve come to regard it with considerable affection. Keep reading »
To explain to an audience who knows nothing about me: I have dated horrible people. Horrible, just awful. I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count, gotten yelled at once for being sick, and have thrown away more money than I wish to admit trying to repair each and every one of these doomed relationships.
If we’re going to get technical about it, then yes, I can say I have a type that I’m attracted to. Because I’m kind of a loser, I’ve made a list of every girl I’ve kissed, slept with, dated, and loved. There are roughly 15. Hooray for me, right? Out of these 15, ten have been brunettes. Typically under 5’6’’, usually with bangs, always the type of person who would be considered “cute.” Out of those 10, I’ve been in love with seven. Of those seven, four have come from broken homes, enjoyed punk rock, and lost their shit at the drop of a pin. Out of those four, three of them had the middle name Jean. That’s the weirdest part to me, albeit a coincidence, but weird nonetheless. Also of interest to me are the wildcards who don’t quite fit into, um, any categories at all. Out of those wildcards, there were four outliers who made quite an impression on me. They were as follows… Keep reading »