Tag Archives: gum

8 Good Universe Moments And What They Might Mean

Running into an old crush. Thinking about a friend and getting a text from them 30 seconds later. Receiving an unexpected check in the mail (that’s the exact amount needed to cover an overdue bill). We like to call these lovely experiences Good Universe Moments (GUMs, for short), and we’ve all had them, whether or not we took a moment to acknowledge how magical they are. To help you notice and interpret these moments, we’ve put together a list of eight common GUMs, along with their possible meanings and how to handle them. Click through to get the scoop!

 

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Violet Beauregarde Would Be Happy: Dinner Gumballs Are Here

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In “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,” Violet Beauregarde met her sad end when she chewed a piece of Wonka’s Three-Course-Dinner Gum. The most amazing, sensational piece of gum in the world included tomato soup, roast beef and a baked potato. But it was the dessert course that went all wrong. The blueberry pie made the poor Violet turn violet and  blow up just like a blueberry. Archie McPhee’s TV Dinner Gumballs promise that the same thing won’t happen to you. Instead of one meal, the gumballs are divided into courses — roast beef, buttered corn and apple cobbler. If only Wonka had thought of that, Violet would still be chomping away. The dream is still alive for all of us gum addicts, Violet. Only $3.50 for a week’s supply. I may be switching to gum for dinner. [Laughing Squid]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Made The World’s Largest Gumball Out Of ABC Nicorette

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Look at what we got here. This fine gentleman, 50-year-old Barry Chappell, has been collecting more than 95,000 pieces of already been chewed Nicorette gum for the last six years and fashioning them into one giant gumball. He keeps this 175 pound nicotine blob in his sauna, where the gum stays moist and supple for molding. He acknowledges that his gumball has become a bit of an obsession. I almost want to encourage Barry to take up smoking again. I believe TLC’s “My Strange Addiction” might have missed a compelling cast member. [Oddity Central]

Chew On This, Pervs

I’m assuming this only works on people who can’t chew gum and jerk off at the same time. [The Clearly Dope] Keep reading »

Willy Wonka Fantasy Gum About To Be A Reality!

Since I was a kid obsessed with “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” I’ve been fantasizing about Ever-Lasting Gobstoppers, Lickable Wallpaper, Wonkavision, and Three-Course-Dinner Gum. The Three-Course-Dinner Gum would have been the world’s most perfect invention in Wonka’s factory had it not turned Violet Beauregarde into a blueberry prompting her dad to scream, “Violet you’re turning violet, Violet!” Amazing news! This fantasy gum may actually become a reality thanks to the new technology that can capture time-release flavors in microscopic capsules. Keep reading »

Dentyne Says Practice Safe Breath, Not Safe Sex

So last night as I was wasting my time watching “The Price of Beauty,” I was beaten over the head with this new Dentyne Ice commercial during every single break. According to this advertisement, it’s the guy’s responsibility to provide protection against bad breath when the loving heats up. The concept might seem clever at first, but couldn’t the dude in the pharmacy have bought some condoms along with his gum? That way, there’d be some reference to the fact that gum doesn’t protect against STDs or unwanted pregnancy. What was even more arresting to me was that VH1 chose to run a commercial for Seasonique birth control pills directly after this Dentyne one, reminding women that the responsibility to prevent a pregnancy is all in their hands. Keep reading »

Crave: Blue Q Gum

What better way to say all the inappropriate things that you’re thinking than with gum and mints? We love the “Does this gum make my butt look big” gum almost as much as the “Wanna hook up?” gum. They’re a great way to break the ice … or build some up. [$1.25, Blue Q] Keep reading »

Bust Up Gum Boosts The Size Of Your Boobies

A-cups, rejoice! Pop a piece of Bust Up Gum, which claims to increase bust size, and get the boobs of your dreams! And pigs can fly and Lindsay Lohan is going to get her act together. Sorry, this product sounds like the sort of thing only encountered on the Hogwarts Express. In the minor defense of the makers of Bust Up Gum, the creators at least went through the pretense of making a brilliant scientific discovery. They included fancy schmancy ingredients and all: Maltitol, Lactitol, Hydrogenated Glucose Syrup, and Pueraria. So, I guess this won’t work for you if you are into organic or that natural food business, but whatevs, you can’t have everything. Oh, but a a few notes of caution. The label recommends popping at least six tablets per day and also advises that you should not consume during pregnancy, breastfeeding, menstruation, or if you have been diagnosed with medical conditions of the ovaries, uterus, or breast. Oh, also, consuming in large amounts may cause loose bowels. That might be a problem for some. Keep reading »

Miracle Birth Control Gum

If you thought the blond Orbitz girl cornered the market on bizarre gum marketing, you clearly have not stumbled across the wonderful absurdity that is Miracle Birth Control Gum. I suppose it was only really a matter of time until someone figured out a way to sweeten breath while simultaneously preventing pregnancy. Though the product is specifically targeted for single gals in their 30′s, I doubt a married woman in her 50′s would suffer from any serious medical side effects. The label warns that weight gain may occur after chewing, but chewing burns calories, right? Problem solved. I won’t bother guessing about the potential dire consequences if a dude were to pop one of these mint flavored tablets between his smackers. If a guy is worrying about birth control, he has bigger problems. About eight pounds bigger.
Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Love Among Old Gum

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

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