What better way to say all the inappropriate things that you’re thinking than with gum and mints? We love the “Does this gum make my butt look big” gum almost as much as the “Wanna hook up?” gum. They’re a great way to break the ice ... or build some up. [$1.25, Blue Q]

A-cups, rejoice! Pop a piece of Bust Up Gum, which claims to increase bust size, and get the boobs of your dreams! And pigs can fly and Lindsay Lohan is going to get her act together. Sorry, this product sounds like the sort of thing only encountered on the Hogwarts Express. In the minor defense of the makers of Bust Up Gum, the creators at least went through the pretense of making a brilliant scientific discovery. They included fancy schmancy ingredients and all: Maltitol, Lactitol, Hydrogenated Glucose Syrup, and Pueraria. So, I guess this won’t work for you if you are into organic or that natural food business, but whatevs, you can’t have everything. Oh, but a a few notes of caution. The label recommends popping at least six tablets per day and also advises that you should not consume during pregnancy, breastfeeding, menstruation, or if you have been diagnosed with medical conditions of the ovaries, uterus, or breast.  Oh, also, consuming in large amounts may cause loose bowels. That might be a problem for some.

If you thought the blond Orbitz girl cornered the market on bizarre gum marketing, you clearly have not stumbled across the wonderful absurdity that is Miracle Birth Control Gum. I suppose it was only really a matter of time until someone figured out a way to sweeten breath while simultaneously preventing pregnancy. Though the product is specifically targeted for single gals in their 30’s, I doubt a married woman in her 50’s would suffer from any serious medical side effects. The label warns that weight gain may occur after chewing, but chewing burns calories, right? Problem solved. I won’t bother guessing about the potential dire consequences if a dude were to pop one of these mint flavored tablets between his smackers. If a guy is worrying about birth control, he has bigger problems. About eight pounds bigger.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.

It’s the worst when you’re sitting at a restaurant, usually outside, and your hand grazes the bottom of the table. And it touches a hunk of old, hard gum. Gross. Pretty soon this could be an obsolete problem. A British company is developing a non-stick chewing gum that can be easily removed from surfaces. Clean Gum, as it’s called, has a special polymer in it that makes it less sticky. This is going to put some artists out of business. [Reuters]