A decade ago, my grandmother, then 82, broke her hip. Her recovery involved a month in the hospital while she learned to walk comfortably again, a month that drove my mother, my grandmother’s sole caretaker, to the brink of insanity.
“I can’t go on,” she’d moan. “Calgon, take me away.”
Such was her constant refrain, and this was owing to the fact my grandmother’s behavior while infirm was impossible. Every half-hour my mother fielded a phone call from the hospital: “Bring me my robe! Different hand soap! Scotch tape!” she’d demand.
She’d be angry with a nurse or the limited food selection in the cafeteria, and the constant catering to such needs without nary a please or thank you? It was too much for one woman, my mother, to bear. Keep reading »
Gwyneth Paltrow apparently didn’t do any knitting with grandma. When she appeared on “Chelsea Lately” this week, she and Chelsea Handler talked about their respective German grandmas. Gwyneth apparently called her mom’s mom “Mutti” and not in a good way. “My grandmother was a real c**t,” she said. “She basically hated my guts. She tried to poison my mother against me, but it didn’t work because I have a great mother. She was just tough, just tough. You look back and you think she must not have been very happy and she must have had a lot of pain because she was mean as hell.” Wow, using the c-word on someone who’s dead? Harsh. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »
My friend Shelly (The Singing Siren) found these elastic-waisted, pocket-less, pull-on bottoms literally called “Bend Over Pants.” Yep, that sexy name is a registered trademark and they retail for the social security-friendly price of $16.99. But why is Nana lifting a leg and popping her badonkadonk over a chair? Ahhhhhhh! This is what happens after you invent Viagra: Grams needs easy-access pants. Keep reading »
I just found this cute new blog that features touching, adorable, mom-written emails sent in by readers. This is such a coincidence because my mom just sent our general Frisky email account some feedback on the site, saying that we should “solicit writing by aspiring women writers with stories and poetry about relationships” which made me laugh because I thought she knew I hated (most) poetry. Next time your mom emails you to remind you to take your vitamins, or your grandma sends you a little note from her AOL account saying that she hears the weather is horrible in your area, head on over to Postcards From Yo Momma and submit them for public consumption. Keep reading »