Overzealous health insani-turd Gwyneth Paltrow is detoxing yet again. In January, she wrote, “I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year.” Well, this sure is proving true. She’s just finishing up a three-week stint on Dr. Alejandro Junger’s Clean program, which she describes and advocates in the latest GOOP newsletter. We can get behind the part of this plan where she got lots of massages and clocked a bunch of hours in the sauna. But giving up caffeine, dairy, and all processed foods—not so sure about that. And we’re seriously opposed to the part of this program that lets you have two liquid “meals” per day with only one meal of actual food in between. She seems pretty happy with the results. “I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly [sic] fun and delicious ‘relax and enjoy life phase’ about a month ago,” she said. Doesn’t it seem like every time this stick thin actress puts something remotely food-like in her mouth she goes all detoxorexic? “Enjoy life phase”—that’s just called being a normal person, Goopy. [GOOP via People] Keep reading »
I usually find the “MAKE” editions of GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s newsletter that attempts to “nourish the inner aspect,” the most tolerable. They’re recipes and how offensive and annoying can food really be? This week, Gwyneth introduces us to the cookie and treat recipes from some of her friends, including Evi, a Holocaust survivor, and Katie Lee Joel. Of the latter, Gwyneth writes:
“The summer before last, a mutual friend brought the lovely Katie Lee Joel and her husband William over for dinner. Much to my delight, she brought a fresh batch of these cookies with her.”
Wait. Hold up. “Her husband William?” Don’t you mean Billy? As in, BILLY JOEL? Is this Gwyneth’s attempt at not namedropping? Because that would be effing stupid, considering GOOP is one big celebrity snog fest. Seriously, what a pretentious twat.
Oh also, big old error in the last bit of this week’s newsletter. See above — guess someone forget to include the copy for next week’s preview, and Gwyneth, ever the diligent editor, didn’t notice it was missing either. Oopsies! What will William and his lovely wife Katherine say? [GOOP] Keep reading »
Gwynnie was on “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” last night and in the first part of her interview, she had a mysterious shiny substance slathered all over her legs. I suspect it was some sort of body oil, not lotion as some bloggers have suggested. Anyway, the studio lights were probably reflecting so badly off her stems and blinding people in the audience, so before the second part of her interview, someone wiped her down. Check out the video of her interview, after the jump… [via SoupSoup] Keep reading »
In theory, I love detox cleanses. The idea of spending three to five days concentrated solely on health and emerging energetic and, um, skinny, excites me. In reality, I can’t quite conjure the joy.
This is not to say that I don’t force myself through them on a semi-regular basis. I’ve tried a number of cleanses, from the popular BluePrint juice diet to the extreme Master Cleanse. I was excited when last week a friend (who is also into this stuff) recommended I try Gwyneth Paltrow’s regime from her GOOP newsletter. I was eager to try something new, something homemade that (I assumed) wouldn’t cost me too much. However, I ended up dumping the whole thing in three days. Keep reading »
In today’s installment of GOOP, the newsletter we love to hate and hate to love, Gwyneth Paltrow bores us to tears with words of wisdom about “evil tongue,” i.e. speaking evil of others. Before asking her various gurus and life coaches and self-help experts to help her understand “the consequences of perpetuating negativity or feeling schadenfreude,” she talks about her experience with a “frenemy” and admits that her own tongue, GASP, is occasionally evil.
Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.
Naturally, we didn’t give a s**t about any of GOOP’s “lessons” about, um, s**t-talking, but we did go cuh-razy hypothesizing about WHO this “frenemy” could be. Frankly, it’s so obvious, it’s almost sad. Our theory, after the jump. Keep reading »
Ten years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow was a Hollywood golden girl. She won an Oscar, she dated Brad Pitt, and then she married a rock star. (Okay, he’s more like an emo star.) She even popped out a couple of cute kids and nobody said boo when she gave Apple and Moses silly names.
But, with the GOOP blog and the rabbit-food-diet rumors, Goldilocks is so tarnished, it’s no wonder she’s out of touch. Nobody wants to join Gwyn’s new NYC gym, which she is starting up later this year with her (and Madonna’s) trainer, Tracy Anderson, because the price is so ridiculous. Girlfriend wants $4,500 just to join, plus hundreds of dollars each month in fees. Just to exercise! What recession?! Gym representatives are cold-calling potential customers, but instead of joining, they’re just laughing, padlocking their wallets, and calling the tabloids. [NY Post] Keep reading »
Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,
Even though I sort of can’t stand you and think it’s annoying that you think your taste is so amazing and your life is so grand as to warrant informing others how they can better their lives, I must admit I look forward to my weekly dose of GOOP. BUT, a token of advice: when you contact “five brilliant directors (four of whom I have worked with and one who I worship)” and ask them to list their favorite movies, you might want to make sure you spell their names correctly. Especially the one you “worship.” It’s Sofia, not Sophia, Coppola.
Amelia Keep reading »
Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to know that she’s definitely going to drop those “few pounds of holiday excess,” and you can, too! In her latest GOOP newsletter, Gwynie shares the secret to shedding those pounds quickly: a detox diet! While a fan of hardcore Master Cleanses in the past, she couldn’t fathom sucking on lemons in the middle of winter, so she consulted her detox diet specialist (don’t you have one?!). He provided her with a cleanse diet that bans gluten, dairy, processed food, shellfish, condiments, sugar, and fun. Gwyneth took his recs and created a seven-day “elimination” menu, including lots of shakes and juices that “are meant to be liquid meals that help decrease the amount of work your digestive system has to do.” Keep reading »