In theory, I love detox cleanses. The idea of spending three to five days concentrated solely on health and emerging energetic and, um, skinny, excites me. In reality, I can’t quite conjure the joy.
This is not to say that I don’t force myself through them on a semi-regular basis. I’ve tried a number of cleanses, from the popular BluePrint juice diet to the extreme Master Cleanse. I was excited when last week a friend (who is also into this stuff) recommended I try Gwyneth Paltrow’s regime from her GOOP newsletter. I was eager to try something new, something homemade that (I assumed) wouldn’t cost me too much. However, I ended up dumping the whole thing in three days. Keep reading »
In today’s installment of GOOP, the newsletter we love to hate and hate to love, Gwyneth Paltrow bores us to tears with words of wisdom about “evil tongue,” i.e. speaking evil of others. Before asking her various gurus and life coaches and self-help experts to help her understand “the consequences of perpetuating negativity or feeling schadenfreude,” she talks about her experience with a “frenemy” and admits that her own tongue, GASP, is occasionally evil.
Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.
Naturally, we didn’t give a s**t about any of GOOP’s “lessons” about, um, s**t-talking, but we did go cuh-razy hypothesizing about WHO this “frenemy” could be. Frankly, it’s so obvious, it’s almost sad. Our theory, after the jump. Keep reading »
Ten years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow was a Hollywood golden girl. She won an Oscar, she dated Brad Pitt, and then she married a rock star. (Okay, he’s more like an emo star.) She even popped out a couple of cute kids and nobody said boo when she gave Apple and Moses silly names.
But, with the GOOP blog and the rabbit-food-diet rumors, Goldilocks is so tarnished, it’s no wonder she’s out of touch. Nobody wants to join Gwyn’s new NYC gym, which she is starting up later this year with her (and Madonna’s) trainer, Tracy Anderson, because the price is so ridiculous. Girlfriend wants $4,500 just to join, plus hundreds of dollars each month in fees. Just to exercise! What recession?! Gym representatives are cold-calling potential customers, but instead of joining, they’re just laughing, padlocking their wallets, and calling the tabloids. [NY Post] Keep reading »
Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,
Even though I sort of can’t stand you and think it’s annoying that you think your taste is so amazing and your life is so grand as to warrant informing others how they can better their lives, I must admit I look forward to my weekly dose of GOOP. BUT, a token of advice: when you contact “five brilliant directors (four of whom I have worked with and one who I worship)” and ask them to list their favorite movies, you might want to make sure you spell their names correctly. Especially the one you “worship.” It’s Sofia, not Sophia, Coppola.
Amelia Keep reading »
Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to know that she’s definitely going to drop those “few pounds of holiday excess,” and you can, too! In her latest GOOP newsletter, Gwynie shares the secret to shedding those pounds quickly: a detox diet! While a fan of hardcore Master Cleanses in the past, she couldn’t fathom sucking on lemons in the middle of winter, so she consulted her detox diet specialist (don’t you have one?!). He provided her with a cleanse diet that bans gluten, dairy, processed food, shellfish, condiments, sugar, and fun. Gwyneth took his recs and created a seven-day “elimination” menu, including lots of shakes and juices that “are meant to be liquid meals that help decrease the amount of work your digestive system has to do.” Keep reading »
Last week, Gwyneth Paltrow was on “Oprah” extolling the virtues of her two hour daily workouts and sharing how one “wine soaked” dinner with Madonna “reorganized her molecules.” This week, she’s moved on to unveiling “Goop,” which sounds a lot like a hair product we once used in the ’80s, but is actually the name of her new lifestyle website. Goop has six sections: Make, Go, Get, Do, Be, and See, and while currently each section just takes the reader to Gwyneth’s mission statement — “Nourish the inner aspect” — it’s clear that through her site, she plans to share all her little wisdoms, secrets, and discoveries, so you know, the rest of us can attain the perfection that is her life. “Whether you want a good place to eat in London,” she writes, “some advice on where to stay in Austin, the recipe I made up this week, or some thoughts from one of my sages, Goop is a little bit of everything that makes up my life.” I wonder if she’ll share advice for choosing baby names. Keep reading »