goop

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Consciously Uncoupling From Her Lifestyle Brand, Goop

The patron saint of meticulously instructing her maid to double-seal her imported bags of organic Chia seeds, Gwyneth Paltrow, is leaving Goop. More »


This GOOP List Of Sex Toys Is Crazy Expensive, Of Course, So Here Are Options You Can Afford

No one needs $395 nipple clamps, but they might be nice to have if you’re a rich person, I guess. More »


Gwyneth Paltrow’s Feathers Unruffled By GOOP MRKT Robbery: “It’s Good Publicity”

There’s that silver lining, More »


Gift Guide: For The Broke-But-Aspiring Gwyneth

For your friend with $1,000 Samsonite luggage tastes on a free-with-subscription public radio tote bag budget. More »


We Need To Talk About Gwyneth Paltrow’s Fancy Butt Wipes

About how much, on average, do you think you spend on toilet paper during a nine month period? I did some calculating and figure that I probably flush about, oh, 105 rolls of used TP in nine months, and at a price of $1 per roll, that’s $105. This is assuming, by the way, that I’m buying… More »


Don’t Go Taking Boob Advice From Gwyneth Paltrow, OK?

No, Gwyneth, bras aren’t going to give you breast cancer. More »


Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Really Care Whether Or Not You Like Goop

Goop is gonna be here for a while, whether you like it or not. More »


Gwyneth Wants To Sell You $1700 “Hip Hop” Clutch Bags

Gwyneth does it again. More »


Martha Stewart Sees Your Lifestyle Brand, Gwyneth/Reese/Blake/Jessica, Thinks It’s “Interesting”

Oooh, SHADE. More »


Finally: You Can Do “Breakdance Yoga,” Eat Vegan & Get A Colonic All Under The Same Roof

At long last, Los Angeles has outdone itself in ways none of us could ever have imagined, except that we could, because this sounds like a satire. Behold the popular urban oasis The Springs, a catch all wellness center where a waitress said, “You can eat dinner — everything is raw, vegan, organic, soy free… More »


The Soapbox: We Can’t Address Poverty Until We Listen To People Who Are Living It

I’ve gotten a lot of feedback about last Friday’s article on Gwyneth Paltrow and the Food Bank Challenge. From that feedback I’ve learned a lot of useful things, like that the $29-per-week allocation is supposed to be for three people; you aren’t allowed to buy prepared food on SNAP in Illinois, Ohio, and I assume… More »


What $29 A Week For Food Looks Like For Actual Low-Income People (And Not Gwyneth Paltrow)

Gwyneth Paltrow was tapped by Mario Batali to do the #FoodBankNYCChallenge and eat on $29 a week. Here’s what she bought… More »


Gwyneth Paltrow To Turn Hustler Store Into Private Club For Artsy Rich People Who Don’t Swear

It looks as though Gwyneth “Common Woman” Paltrow has gone Full Paltrow once again! TMZ reports that Her Royal Goopyness has purchased a perfectly nice Hustler store from Larry Flynt and plans to turn it into a fancy private club for insufferable rich people like herself!

Gwyneth plans to turn the spot into… More »


Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Eat Some “Sex Bark”

In this week’s installment of her newsletter GOOP, Darling Gwyneth would like you to try a thing called “Sex Bark.” No, it’s not a weird noise you make during sex, it is a chocolate bark. A chocolate bark that will cost you at least $93 to make, and which contains a thing called “Sex Dust,” More »


And The Average Cost Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Holiday Gift Guide Items Is…

Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2014 holiday gift guide is out, and it’s about as ridiculous as you’d expect. E! and ETOnline both added up the total cost of all the items on it (not including those listed as “price upon request”), and E! came up with $109,384 while ET came up with $107,309.49. By Newser’s count, there… More »


Blake Lively Launched Her GOOP Knockoff Site

Blake Lively has launched Preserve, her lifestyle/shopping/GOOP knockoff web site, and I am trying really hard not to laugh at the editor’s letter or the $180 votive candle holder she’s selling. [Preserve via Celebitchy]
On last night’s episode of “The Bachelorette: Men Tell All,” JP and Ashley from a past season of the show… More »


Is Your Water As Emotionally Sensitive As Gwyneth Paltrow’s Water?

Uh oh, Shailene Woodley and Alicia Silverstone, we’ve got another contender for the celeb with the weirdest hippie-dippie ideas! Shailene Woodley’s vagina may be thriving on all that Vitamin-D and Alicia Silverstone’s got kiss-feeding down, but is their water as evolved as Gwyneth Paltrow’s? Doubt it! In the latest issue of GOOP, Gwyneth writes:
I… More »


Mommie Dearest: Gwyneth Paltrow & GOOP Wade Into The “Mommy Wars”

With the way the media shoves the “mommy wars” down our throats, I’m amazed that there isn’t already a reality show based on that concept out there. (Reality TV producers, this is NOT an invitation to prove me wrong). You could have a handful of women battling it out for their child’s love! Or society’s… More »


Martha Stewart Gives Gwyneth Paltrow A Very Half-Hearted Stamp Of Approval

“I haven’t eaten at Gwyneth’s house, and I have never seen how she lives. But, if she’s authentic, all the better – and I certainly hope she is. She really wants to be part of the lifestyle business. She’s a charming, pretty person who has a feeling for lifestyle. She wants to be a lifestyle… More »


Blake Lively And Her New Company Want To Teach You How To “Curate” Your Life

Ah, yes, just what the Internet needs: one more myopic blonde celebrity so enamored of her perfect, precious life that she’s deluded into genuinely believing that she can help you, yes, you, you darling humble peon, attain a similar perfect, precious, curated life. (Aw, it’s so cute how you can’t even curate your own life!)… More »


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