Uh oh, Shailene Woodley and Alicia Silverstone, we’ve got another contender for the celeb with the weirdest hippie-dippie ideas! Shailene Woodley’s vagina may be thriving on all that Vitamin-D and Alicia Silverstone’s got kiss-feeding down, but is their water as evolved as Gwyneth Paltrow’s? Doubt it! In the latest issue of GOOP, Gwyneth writes:
I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. [Masaru] Emoto’s coffee table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.
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With the way the media shoves the “mommy wars” down our throats, I’m amazed that there isn’t already a reality show based on that concept out there. (Reality TV producers, this is NOT an invitation to prove me wrong). You could have a handful of women battling it out for their child’s love! Or society’s approval! They would earn or lose points based on whether they ate deli meat or soft cheese during pregnancy, whether they had a homebirth or a highly medicalized one, whether they breastfed their kids, used cloth diapers, only fed organic, stayed home or went back to work.
It would be exhausting to watch, and truth be told, there wouldn’t be any winners. This is exactly how I feel most days as I watch the “mommy wars” being trotted out as a way for women to pit themselves against other women in morning news segments, blog headlines and magazine covers. I still shudder when picturing TIME‘s infamous “Are You Mom Enough?” cover.
So it should surprise exactly no one that when I read Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest GOOP newsletter with her own thoughts on the “mommy wars,” I couldn’t help but cringe. Keep reading »
“I haven’t eaten at Gwyneth’s house, and I have never seen how she lives. But, if she’s authentic, all the better – and I certainly hope she is. She really wants to be part of the lifestyle business. She’s a charming, pretty person who has a feeling for lifestyle. She wants to be a lifestyle arbiter – fine. Good.”
Um, I love how Martha Stewart is totally throwing shade at Gwyneth Paltrow while seemingly endorsing the actress’s desire to be a lifestyle guru. “I haven’t eaten at [her] house” or “seen how she lives” and Martha’s “hope” that GP is “authentic” imply, to me at least, that she sort of doubts how legit Gwynnie is about her GOOP lifestyle. Maybe I’m reading between the lines too much, but it seems to me like Martha is reminding Gwyneth — who has been called “the new Martha Stewart” — that she was the first snooty blonde lifestyle guru on the block. Oh wait, she said just (almost) that. ”I think I started this whole category of lifestyle,” Martha told Bloomberg News, leaving out the snooty blonde part. And don’t you forget it, Gwyneth. [People]
Ah, yes, just what the Internet needs: one more myopic blonde celebrity so enamored of her perfect, precious life that she’s deluded into genuinely believing that she can help you, yes, you, you darling humble peon, attain a similar perfect, precious, curated life. (Aw, it’s so cute how you can’t even curate your own life!) Thanks, Blake Lively! What would we do without you and the new company you plan to launch, the main element of which is “about storytelling and … about living a very one-of-a-kind, curated life, and how to achieve that” — turn to GOOP for all of our life-curating needs? Heavens forbid. Curated, in this context … what does it mean? Does anyone have a GOOP dictionary on hand? Oh, no, my apologies, Blake, I recognize that “there’s nothing like it out there — it’s without a genre.” Reaaaaaal sorry about that. [via Jezebel]
Many people don’t know this, but there was a time, in between filming “Shakespeare in Love” and “Sliding Doors,” that patron saint of GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow, was in a punk band. They were called Cockjuice, and they played all the clubs on the punk circuit, amassing violent and excited crowds at ABC No Rio and squats around Europe. Gwyneth gained quite a reputation as an outspoken proponent of socialism — calling on Americans to take the streets to protest late ’90s Clinton-era fascist American policies, and the inheritance tax. She was known as an inveterate rabble-rouser and sometimes-drunk, whose pre-show routine always included at least a fifth of bourbon and a punch or two in the greenroom wall.
For several months, Cockjuice rode high on the fumes of DIY success. But then, one day, Gwyneth had a soul-searching revelation: acting and giving diet advice was where she was really needed. So she gave it all up — the shows, the glory, the post-show drunken fistfights — and settled down with the singer of Coldplay. Keep reading »
To tell you the truth, I don’t really give a shit that Gwyneth Paltrow is selling bikinis for little girls through her website, GOOP. Gwyneth Paltrow is also the person who suggested your spring wardrobe could use a $1,615 black skirt. She’s not really the arbiter of sensibility or good taste, no matter how many thousand-dollar clothing items she convinces you that you just have to have. The bikini in question is a $45 miniature version for girls (pictured at right) that matches an adult design, all of which were created by designer Melissa Obadash for GOOP. I do think that bikinis are too grown up for five-year-olds; I also think that this battle against the sexualization of young girls has already been lost. Bikinis for little girls aren’t going to go anywhere. I wouldn’t buy a bikini for my own hypothetical kid because I just think one-pieces are more appropriate, but Gwynnie and her GOOPies can do what they want — and expect the rest of us to laugh at them. [Styleite, Daily Mail UK]
One of the regular features in Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP newsletter is her seasonal wardrobe recommendations, sold via Net-A-Porter. The looks are generally pretty cute, as GP does have great style, but they are also majorly, majorly pricey. So, because I think it is ridiculous to spend $1,615 on a goddamn black skirt, I decided to steal some of Gwyneth Paltrow’s spring outfits but at a fraction of the cost. Take that, GOOPY! Check ‘em out, after the jump… Keep reading »
Here are just a few of the many reasons I wake up every day pissed off that I’m not Margot Tenenbaum: child prodigy, award-winning author and playwright, perfect bob and the face to pull it off, mink coat, wooden finger, cold, haughty aloofness, perfect eyeliner application, marriage to Raleigh St. Clair, verboten romance with hot brother Richie, affair with Eli Cash. She is my dream girl insofar as in my dreams, I am her. But you know who I think is super, super lame? Like, the lamest? Gwyneth Paltrow! She is cripplingly lame. I can’t even reconcile her acting ability with her actual existence because I’m just like, oh my god, Goop, put your Margot clothes back on already for Christ’s sake. Keep reading »
Another day, another way Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP-y GOOP-dom is GOOPing into your life. Now she’s got herself a line of GOOP-inspired Butter London nail polishes. Keep reading »