If you saw a bendy piece of sheet metal stuck in the ground, you’d probably think, “Ugh, what an eyesore.” Goats, as evidenced by this adorable video, think, “OMG! A NEW TOY!” and proceed to turn it into a makeshift metal trampoline. Also, I’d like to take a moment to thank the 10 different people who sent me a link to this video. You guys get me. [YouTube]
I haven’t been excited about a video game since I beat my brother at Tony Hawk: Pro Skater that one time in 1999, but my apathetic video game attitude is about to change, thanks to a brilliant and poetically titled new game: Goat Simulator. Here’s how its creator, game designer Armin Ibrisagic, describes it:
“Goat Simulator is similar to a skating game, except instead of being a skater, you’re a goat, and instead of doing tricks, you wreck stuff and make people angry.”
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Today in “headlines that prove that God exists”: Jose Canseco was pulled over in Nevada while transporting a couple of diaper-wearing goats. Canseco tweeted a photo of the incident today, insisting the cops got a kick out of the whole thing. When questions began arising about, you know, why on earth he was driving around with a car full of diapered goats, he clarified the situation as eloquently as possible: Keep reading »
When I found out that Tanglewood Farm, a farm and petting zoo dedicated solely to miniature livestock, existed, I literally squealed with delight. When I found out it was in northern Georgia, which is easily within day trip distance from me, I started hyperventilating. How could I not?! Tanglewood is an entire farm teeming with miniature alpacas, goats, horses, donkeys, cows, chickens, and even a buffalo(!). All told, there are over 100 fun-size animals which visitors can pet, feed, and possibly snuggle with if they really hit it off. Well, I know where I’m going next weekend. Who’s coming with me? [Modern Farmer]
Florida resident Melody Cooke had a problem. Her pet goat Happie kept trying to get on her bike while she was riding it. Worried that Happie would hurt herself, she did the sensible thing and gave her goat a skateboard to play with instead. She didn’t realize that her quick fix would lead to a Guinness World Record, but that’s exactly what happened. Happie proved to be such a talented skateboarder that earlier this year she earned the coveted record for Farthest Distance Skateboarded By A Goat with a ride of 118 feet. “It feels like a dream,” says Cooke. “I can’t believe that first of all she has a Guinness World Record, and second of all she skateboards, and she’s a goat.” [YouTube]
This adorable little goat was bitten by a pony when she was just four days old. (Memo to that pony: what the hell kind of a pony bites a baby goat?! You’re being a pony wrong!) The attack damaged her spine and left her unable to use her back legs until recently, when her zookeepers fashioned a custom wheelchair for her out of a wheeled crate. Now this goat can be seen happily walking/wheeling around the zoo alongside her able-bodied siblings. Say it with me now: Squeeeeeeeee! [Metro]
As is well documented on this site and my Instagram “about me” section, I am hopelessly obsessed with goats, especially baby goats and pygmy goats and fainting goats — OK, nevermind, I just love ALL THE GOATS. Why am I so enraptured with these bouncy little creatures? Allow me to explain in the most eloquent, concise possible way: a series of adorable goat GIFs… Keep reading »
If I subscribed to subjective reality and believed that every person I cross paths with in life is actually a figment of my imagination who appears to teach me some cosmic lesson, I would be very certain that the woman in this video exists to teach me to deal with extreme levels of jealousy in a healthy way. Because watching her get knocked over and cuddled by a herd of adorable baby goats while giggling and exclaiming, “They’re very soft!” is almost too much for me to handle. Sigh. And if watching this sequence of events wasn’t difficult enough, the video is titled “Soft Baby Goat Love Pile,” which is the exact phrase I have written in Sharpie marker on my vision board. I need to go meditate now. [YouTube]
I don’t know about you, but to me, nothing screams “hilarity” quite like bestiality.
In no-one-gets-the-joke news, Shuan Keith Orris was arrested for disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon after things got violent when questioning bar patrons about their thoughts on fornicating with goats. He was apparently making the rounds at a Wisconsin bar, asking the strangers if they thought it was their Constitutional right to have sex with goats. You know, typical small talk.
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